AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

There have been some very scathing articles about MN written by journalists in the past.

If any of them spot any of those threads I can imagine a "I rest my case" type article appearing.

There are strange trends on here in terms of groups that get stick.

At the moment, it's body shaming.

Previously it's been clusters of threads about people on benefits, children with SN, Muslims and others... It is very peculiar.

Talking of articles about MN appearing in the media - that there wedding poem thread has generated an article in the Grauniad, wherein they have printed the poem from the OP! I know she said she wasn't that bothered about being outed, but that's taking things a step too far, surely? I suppose it will be ok if none of the B&G's friends or family read the paper, but if any of them do, it will be easy as a wink to link straight back to the thread and realise that the OP is one among them.

I've pm'd her in case she wants to do anything about it.

I'm probably stating the bleedin' obvious but I have noticed that AIBU is noticeably, ney eerily, subdued and orderly at the moment.

Lots of cheesey smiles,

After you..
No please, after you,
No honestly I insist.. After you...

All vay naice

The thing is, Thumbwitch, it's already there on the internet for all to see, isn't it? If you paste the first two lines of that poem into Google it takes straight you to that thread.

From her description, I didn't have the bride and groom pegged as Guardian readers, though.

Yes I KNOW that but that's somewhat different from having it published in a national newspaper with a readership of some millions, I should imagine.
The B&G and family aren't that likely to do an internet search on the stupid poem I would have thought - but now a national newspaper has flagged it up, the chances of one of the wedding party seeing it has increased somewhat, and then they might consider doing a search that otherwise would never have crossed their minds, do you see?

Sorry, I'm pretty cross about it - I know it's not private posting here but that is still different from having a national newspaper signposting the way to the thread.

I was going to post a comment but using my MN name - and then thought "argh no, I'm not doing that, someone could do a search on my MN name argh argh"

I don't mean anyone I know or care about, I just mean they might decide to do a search just to pick holes or be snidey.

I think by far the most likely thing is that it will sink without trace and all be forgotten very quickly. I see your point that the Guardian article decreases the odds on that a bit but I'm afraid once things like this have been put on the internet the genie is out of the bottle. Caveat Poster.

I am having this same argument on another thread.

I think ethical journalism requires sources to be quoted with their full knowledge and permission.
It is imho poor journalism to trawl a forum and quote people who are unaware.

Thats awful, Thumb.
I'm not arsed about the 'outing' of the poster so much, that was a chance she took by posting it in the first place, but that poor couple.

I haven't read the thread so no idea if they are unreasonable or not however knowing one of your friends/family is tearing you to shreds on the Internet would be bad enough, but now that the entire guardian readership is also laughing at you. Can you imagine how horrible that would be?

Way to piss all over the happiest day of someone's life, eh?

They are not a poor couple, Randall. That's rather the point of the thread.

Well my unhiding of AIBU has lasted two days. I have hidden it again.

I didn't mean poor as in financially.
As I said, I haven't read the thread, I avoid all wedding-related sneering.
They may well be totally unreasonable, I have no idea.

I just think it would be horrible to find out that one of your 'loved ones' had turned the happiest day of your life into a laughing stock.

Anyway this isn't a TAAT so I'll leave it there.

Randall, I take your point but this was actually a post wedding poem, saying "you didn't give us enough dosh, cough up some more, eh?"

Really?? Blimey, that is a bit different then!
I shall happily eat my words!

If I was the OP of that thread I would be NCing pronto.

Damage limitation has been applied - the OP has been retrospectively namechanged and I've just spent time finding every time her name has been mentioned in the thread and reporting all the posts so they can change it in each post as well. Fark, that was madness! Hope the damage limitation was in time.

The other thing with that thread is people like me posted on it, it's now been moved to classics, and I've since posted a sensitive thread elsewhere on the site.

Perhaps in instances where threads get in the press or moved to classics then MNHQ can anonymise the posts by switching the names to posters registration numbers?

Sorry, tangent, but how do you highlight one poster's comments on a thread eg the OP?

Would really help with RTFT!

Oh good. :)

I've seen people get unnecessarily pounced on, and I've gotten pounced on for daring to ask a question.

I know its hard Darkesteyes, but try not to be upset by JaneParker. She is not a man, she is a long standing Mumsnetter, she has extremely rigid views and likes to post them repeatedly. She also limits her comments to only two topics, afaics - women and earning pots of money, and weight. But I am snorting at her posting If on that thread now. Really, it is kind of funny.