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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

980 replies

RowanMumsnet · 24/07/2014 11:19

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
ginslinger · 26/07/2014 20:23

Are we bullying now? Well, it was only a matter of time

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:23

Seriously? Shock. I will google it.

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:24

Feck feck feck yes the petunias have gotten consistently dry and I think you are right Sad

Maryz · 26/07/2014 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:27

It's pure white. HB look pink. Will check for other colours. I personally think some red pandas ate my petunias, after munching on the bamboo. But I think they eat leaves. I think the heat and the red wine has got to me !

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:31

Those are not the leaves btw they def belong to the delphinium next to it. Not convolvulus. Maybe I've invented a plant.

AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do
BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaroldLloyd · 26/07/2014 20:34

Pink you will have to accept that you have well and truly joined the dark side Grin

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:36

Telling me it's Japanese knotweed is bullying me into ripping out the foundations of my house Grin

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:39

I think it's a combination of alcohol and this fecking heat scrambling my rational side. Want to do garden but it's still hot!

My battery has 2% left! Fecking ferreting weasely red panda has sucked the life out of my ipad! Angry

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 20:40

Ahhhh. The Dark Side is full of crazy booze sodden women!

That's a yes then Grin

FatalCabbage · 26/07/2014 20:54

Calling "bully" is like calling "racist" - it stops discussion dead, whether true or not. And I think that's why the accusation comes up.so.often.

This FUCKING phone.

RandallFloyd · 26/07/2014 20:56

I think it looks pretty.

BIWI · 26/07/2014 20:59

Pinkrose1 - you've given a dictionary definition. Show me where it's happening on MN.

Pepperwitheverything · 26/07/2014 21:46

I haven't yet read everything...I'll go back and read, but just want to say that I LOVE AIBU. I love the different personalities that shine through and the different opinions. It is unique. I do think though that some people go too far and TRY to be spiteful, and that should be stopped.

Darkesteyes · 26/07/2014 22:20

BeerTricks that's a good point. Healthy Living type sponsors would very probably balk at the obesity threads.

And some aren't even really talking about obesity. Saying that someone whos 5 foot 5 should weigh 8 stone is nothing to do with obesity.

And being gaslighted on threads should also count as bullying IMO. Sorry im a bit late to this thread. Ive been a bit preoccupied on the body shaming threads.

Pepperwitheverything · 26/07/2014 22:32

Darkest this might be too personal so please do tell me to piss off if so but......why do you hang out there? I have seen your posts on the feminism board and the relationship board....you are one of the smartest, most direct and eloquent posters here. You are so cool and brilliant...so smart and you were one of the posters who made me want to post on Mumsnet, just so I could maybe chat to the likes of you!!

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darkesteyes · 26/07/2014 22:55

Pepper that's very very kind of you Thankyou That post has really cheered me up. Thanks I guess the body shaming threads (I refuse to refer to them as obesity threads because that's not what the disparaging comments are really about) hit a little close to home. I spent my teens and twenties obese and experienced so much bullying I HATE to see it happen to anyone else. And its not just the bullying. Its also the weight myths that were being peddled. Its just incredibly harmful. I think I was pissing in the wind tbh. They wernt listening to the other posters on the thread who were saying similar things to me. The fact that they don't want to listen to someone who has experienced it and come out the other side isn't because they believe the weight myths. Its because they WANT to believe them You are absolutely right though.... I should hang out there a lot less. I enjoy the Chat Relationships and Feminism boards. Unfortunately though some of them have started to post on those boards now too. Which they have a perfect right to do of course. But there are some great posters on this site who have been very supportive to me over the last 3 years. Which is why im staying. Thanks Wine

Darkesteyes · 26/07/2014 23:02

Its the sheer volume of whats been posted on the body shaming threads that have really galled me.

Its even worse than the January before last and that's saying something.

Pepperwitheverything · 26/07/2014 23:15

Ah I see....thanks Darkest! I think when you have been through something you do want to help other people...I get that. It makes you pretty wonderful though, to do that even though it is painful. I have to say that I love your posts on the feminism board. You just cut to the chase!! So anyway thanks Darkest....if not for you I wouldn't have learned all that I have or even be posting here. Thanks

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darkesteyes · 26/07/2014 23:21

To read what you have written here Pepper and to know that makes all the time ive spent arguing on those threads worth it. Thanks Thanks

Pepperwitheverything · 26/07/2014 23:23

Darkest it is definitely worth it...I think you reach more people than you will ever know. x