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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

980 replies

RowanMumsnet · 24/07/2014 11:19

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

OP posts:
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BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 18:33

Slightly controversial throw in but maybe the ones who enjoy the cut and thrust of AIBU and who can't see any bullying are inadvertent bullies themselves? Maybe their idea of 'fair comment' is construed by a less robust member of MN as bullying? The test of this hypothesis would be to ask if they would conduct themselves at a social or work based gathering the same way? If the answer is no then maybe they should think to rein themselves in?

Maybe MNHQ have not asked for opinions but they put the thread up in AIBU so they must be asking us whether they are BU to want AIBU to become a little more respectful. Not for opinions about red pandas who look like bears to me but probably ain't !

bullying.about.com/od/Basics/a/Do-Girls-And-Boys-Bully-Differently.htm
www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Bullying_Differences/

The worst ear worm in history is the road to Amarillo

BIWI · 26/07/2014 18:35

Is that a passive aggressive way of accusing me of being a bully Pinkrose1? Because I don't see bullying. I do see unpleasantness, goading and general nastiness though.

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2014 18:45

I don't think talk of Pandas breaks any Talk Guidelines. I don't see the problem with a bit of bizarre derailment. I must be a bully too.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 26/07/2014 18:48

The majority of people on this thread are saying thanks and well done to HQ, most of them, like myself have been pleading for ages for something to be done about AIBU.

And now you are accusing them of being bullies because they are talking about Pandas?

MrsKwazii · 26/07/2014 18:53

Red Panda for you BeerTricks

AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do
HaroldLloyd · 26/07/2014 18:53

Was just about to say the vast majority of people on this thread have been saying about the tone of AIBU for a long time.

It's ridiculous to equate chatting on a thread with bullying.

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKwazii · 26/07/2014 18:58

One phrase that I'd love to see disappear in AIBU, and in general, is "put your big girl pants on". I find it sneery and condescending. It's things like that which seem to send the tone of some threads downhill, with posters vying to see who can use snotty phrases that aren't necessarily personal attacks, but sure as hell won't make the OP feel good.

MrsKwazii · 26/07/2014 18:59

How gorgeous is that panda BeerTricks! They're just too sweet a creature for words Smile

Pinkrose1 · 26/07/2014 19:03

I like pandas. I don't think they are bullies.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 26/07/2014 19:04

I'm lost.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/07/2014 19:05

Talking of pandas ia not bullying.

BIWI is least bullying poster ever.

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 26/07/2014 19:09

Thanks, fanjo.

IamtheZombie · 26/07/2014 19:10

Zombie shuffles in.

Looks around.

Is confused.

Shuffles out to look for fresh brains.

Maryz · 26/07/2014 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 26/07/2014 19:25

MINCE!! Don't go sniffing for brains you'll fall off the wagon?!

HaroldLloyd · 26/07/2014 19:26

I never agree at all with anyone that gets called bullying, I think it's often levied at completely the wrong person, who is just someone having a chat on a thread, whilst the real cuntbags never get a mention. It's weird.

HaroldLloyd · 26/07/2014 19:26

Talking of cuntbags, here comes Maryz

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaroldLloyd · 26/07/2014 19:27

LIGHTHEARTED! Please don't report me again

BeerTricksPotter · 26/07/2014 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/07/2014 19:29

I am saying this seriously and not as a bully.

If you think people joking around on MN are doing so deliberately to bully you then you are slightly paranoid. Sorry.

Maryz · 26/07/2014 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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