AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

All you have to do is post and say-
'in answer to to the OP'.

Yes agree, lots of people have posted in between and after the erm random panda chat.

I think it's pretty impossible to expect posters to self regulate. They have been doing that for yonks and we now have a situation where MNHQ has to step in and try to regulate the board.

I think there is a hard core who will state black is white and vice versa just for the hell of it. Nothing will really change.

A boy who is a bully will smack you round the head and steal your sweets. Girl bullies will be sly, underhand, devious, and rely on words to devestate their victim. Unfortunately MN has a fair amount of grown up girl bullies

I like pandas. It's a shame that they seem hell-bent on becoming extinct.

Well evidently yes, but it's unknowable how many didn't, because of the amusing diversion. It feels a bit like butting into a conversation between friends, which is rarely comfortable.

Anyway, back on topic briefly, do we think the atmosphere has indeed changed in the last few days? I sure don't.

Really? I was thinking that it seemed a bit better.

The few threads I have clicked on have been ok.

Genuinely surprised that there are people who feel the way you do Fatal and Cate and yet here you are.

Personally I love the witty diversions on threads. It's like being out for dinner with friends having a real-life conversation where we all talk over the top of each other, but it can always be steered back around.

I imagine MN must be very annoying for you at times.

I think people are being very polite at the moment.

Give it time .

Yes generally very polite at the moment. Also very uncharacteristic!

I haven't seen so much as a snarklet for days.

Yes Harold. I haven't had to report you for days.

Re: namechanging.

This is something I would not like to see go. In fact, I'd no longer be able to use the site - abusive stalker ex.

There are always going to be people who take the piss - but I don't see why those of us who genuinely and reasonably use the name=change feature should suffer because of cowards who abuse the name-change feature.

Well if we are being pedantic where did MNHQ ask for our opinion or input?It was more of a a statement.

Just we are all used to waffling our 2 cents in, and can't help ourselves.

Bullying? You see, the interesting thing is, when asked to provide an example of this, those who assert bullying can't find any.

I really disagree that MN has a fair amount of bullies. (I particularly disagree with your statement that bullying differs by gender but that's by the by).

I do think, though, that there are a fair amount of unpleasant posters, who congregate in AIBU. And the important thing about the OP is that MNHQ have acknowledged that they also believe this.

I don't mind tangents as a rule, to clarify. I just think they aren't helpful on serious threads.

Sometimes an OP will be pouring her heart out and the thread drifts organically into a discussion of somebody else's issue, or last night's telly, and the support for that.OP.on.her.own.thread. diverts to others while she still needs it.

A bit like going to someone else's birthday party and getting everyone to sing to you instead of the birthday girl.

Anyway, I haven't noticed much difference yet but perhaps I've always managed to miss the nastiest threads in thepast. Now there's a skill...

It's very rare that you see that on a serious support thread though fatal, in fact I can't recall seeing it ever but not saying it's never happened.

This thread, I don't think was a particularly sensitive or serious one.

Just MNHQ saying basically oi stop being knobs on AIBU

Doesn't bother me if a thread goes off in a different direction, or even many directions, that tends to happen on threads of this length - easy to pick up the original topic if you want to - but I never RTFT anyway. lolz

Why not, shakethetree?

You notice quick enough if someone drops the c bomb though shakes.

You must have a cunt-o-meter on your computer..

stop being knobs on AIBU

There's a good DOTD precis...

You have to read at least a bit of the thread in order to post.

I notice thread titles with the 'C' word because they're so bleedin' noticeable, or if I happen to be on a thread & see it - I don't go on a c**t hunt!

& Biwi - if a thread is over 25 posts long I only read the first few posts, & sometimes the last few, I always skip out the bit in the middle - with 'threads I'm on' I read the last 10 posts maybe?
Obviously if I start my own thread I read all the replies.

Yes, shakethetree, but you still haven't said why you do that

why? - because I can't be arsed to read 100's of posts is the honest answer.