AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Time for bed said Zebedee.

But, but if pandas aren't bears, what are they?

Also, I love you all for detailing this thread. It's much better now .

derailing

Must remember to preview posts.

Red pandas are members of the weasel family. Can't remember about Giant pandas, I thought they were bears.
Koalas are most definitely not bears.
Drop bears are, though.

There name translates as bear like cat I think. The WWF used to call them bear like creatures. I think a Giant Panda is actually a Panda. I mean something has to be right? It was bad enough discovering badgers weren't badgers but weasels.

Something should stay what the fuck it is.

wWF website says "pandas are the rarest members of the bear family".

Hence they are indeed bears, non?

I live in Edinburgh. We have pandas. Therefore I am clearly right

Isn't this describing AIBU?

There name translates as bear like cat I think. The WWF used to call them bear like creatures. I think a Giant Panda is actually a Panda. I mean something has to be right? It was bad enough discovering badgers weren't badgers but weasels.

Something should stay what the fuck it is.

I have many a thought on this subject

But overall I think we all just need to self regulate (with the help of MNHQ's Angels).

Remind ourselves and others that you can have a forthright discussion, even a barney, with a poster without being gratuitously aggressive or rude or offensive. Without making personal attacks.

I'm an oldie (in MN's terms - I am young and beautiful in RL) who's namechanged after a long hiatus.

For those who are baffled and a bit offended by namechangers...I did it because I gave away too much personal info and I know at least two people in RL who use MN. The info was delicate. It's a shame because I liked my previous name and had 'friends' and also the personal stuff was only about 5% of my posts but needs must and all that.

I have never namechanged for one thread or one post. I agree that's bad form - it's all about maintaining your nice posting history with one name and being unpleasant under the guise of another.

Overall I truly, really do not think AIBU has changed at all in the six years I've been on here and after coming back after a year 'away', it's exactly the same as it ever was.

Pandas are unignorable.

They hypnotise you with cuteness.

Mintyy - your last post was really lovely, you're now one of my fave posters ( I have about 20 though so I'm a bit of a tart )

Backbystealth - Agree with what you've just said. I'm n'changing this w/e, not for any particular reason I'm just bored with this name. I don't see what the problem is with name changing, providing it's not being done for dubious purposes, ( & HQ can easily spot that ) & yes, I know a few people who have been on here years & they say nothing much has changed, AIBU has always been the same. < throws bun > catch it !

Just a comment on the RTFT question. This one for example. I saw the OP when it first went up, read a few of the posts, wanted to comment but was busy. Came back and there are 500 posts. Usually I then just accept that the opportunity has been missed as there is no way that I can read everything before posting - especially as some of the posts are not really directly connected with the topic, (in-jokes, personal conversations - all fine obviously and often funny to read if you have time).

I think it means that threads tend to go one way - the way of the first few posters. People who might want to make a valid point about the OP don't as the thread has moved on and the RTFT comment will come up if you post without doing so.

At the risk of attracting just such a comment I will say that when I first came across MN is was while searching online for help with my DS's special needs. The advice was brilliant. I joined MN and when I logged on AIBU came up first. (I didn't realise there was so much else on the site.) I read, I posted once in defence of someone who was getting a hard time and was accused of being racist, (as were half the posters on a particularly nasty thread). I was actually quite upset and didn't come back for a while.

Now I am more selective how I use the site. still the best place ever for basic advice and info on almost everything and great entertainment at times.

So in conclusion - self-moderate with a bit of help if it gets personal but otherwise the freedom is its success.

Glad you're finally taking notice, MNHQ - it seems there are quite an element of people here who just enjoy bullying and if anyone dares to challenge them they are then bullied too - laughed at, told they are too sensitive or ridiculous or stupid.

This is where the Nest Of Vipers image is coming from - this particular part of the board is too frequently the very worst of MN.

Why has this thread been derailed?

How do you mean Cate?

It hasn't been derailed

The three posts previous to yours were all discussing the OP and the issues that it's raised. And the thread has had a lot of posts already, covering and discussing the OP from many different perspectives. So it's hardly been derailed.

What's happened is that there has been a lot of banter on the thread.

It's the way threads go.

It's called humour, something that's often missing on MN threads these days.

I thought we were meant to be discussing MNHQ's plans for AIBU? I've only just seen the thread and whilst I prefer to RTFT before adding my words of wisdom there is all this rambling about pandas and song lyrics and other stuff which has nowt to do with OP.

But that's ok Cate, threads do often veer off on a tangent then come back to the matter in hand.

The tangents are always the best bits.

There are 696 posts on this thread. The majority of them have been discussing the issues.

We are allowed, and often do, to meander along on threads you know! Doesn't mean to say that the issues aren't taken seriously, or discussed properly.

Actually..and I speak as one of the meanderers! .. that was kind of the point - that despite some of the unpleasantness most of us just want a good discussion with some humour thrown in and we want people to respect each other... Hence my choice of song!!!

The tangents are always the best bits.

The topic has been discussed at length so if you wanted to add anything, just because the topic wandered off course it shouldn't stop anyone?

Actually, I'm with Cate. There might be all sorts of people with interesting things to say who read the OP, realised the thread had gone off on an amusing tangent, and didn't feel willing or able to get back on topic. So we lose what thoughts they had. I don't think it's inconceivable that we've lost something valuable.

The fun really could have gone to a new thread.