AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Well I was just clarifying your obfuscated point, Sneezing. No wonder you get upset when people pick you up on your wording when it's so unclear.

But I like being a dick

well, not me. Some people do. I bet they come on here and vent all the black bile that their H wouldn't stand for

Sneezecake I think you ate taking every word here as a personal slight against you when they aren't intended that way. Thumb isn't calling you stupid just replying to points raised.

Very glad MNHQ are taking these concerns seriously and hope they can get it all bake on track.

X posted with thumb.

sparkling same here.

We definitely need automatic highlighting of the original poster's posts. There was one particularly terrible thread back in 2013, which showed how many people only read the first post. They didn't even use Ctrl+f, or Find On This Page to check for the original poster's subsequent posts.

It's easy enough to highlight all the original posters posts and your replies in customise. It's easy enough to scroll down and ignore the shit stirrers replies

Also you can alter the number of posts per page and avoid page 1/1 etc. just have them all on one page and scroll down to pick up what the original poster has said.

Yes it IS easy enough but not enough posters seem to realise that, which is why it would be everso helpful if the OP's posts were already automatically highlighted.

We now seem to be at the radical suggestion of just RTFT.

In my own case, I usually do read all the posts except when there are over 300 already and some are very long; then I tend to just skip to the OP's posts only and probably the last page of replies, to get the lie of the conversation.

I agree that if everyone only ever read the OP's posts, even all of them, then it would get a bit stilted and strange. But sometimes I'm short of time and that's all I have time to do.

Dont be a dick, basically, and it will probably all turn out OK

Can I nominate this as the replacement header for the AIBU page?

If I don't have time to read the whole thread I don't post on it, because I would probably put my foot in it. Although its.'s quite easy to put my foot in it even when I have RTFT these days.

Maryz That's not an excuse. You give too much credit. I only found out about Mumsnet's All On One Page after they'd removed it! Guess what I was doing up until then? Reading the whole of a page, clicking next, reading the next page, clicking next... Until the aforementioned thread, I'd assumed everyone else did that, too.

It's just what one does when there's been twelve plus pages of discussion*. If you're really pressed for time, reading the last three pages of the thread before you post will save you from looking like a prat, though.

*On forums where threads are allowed to go into the hundreds before they're automatically locked, I'm not nearly so rigorous, and I'll skip over the whole of pages 3-172 and only read the final ten before responding.

YY Wonc 'RTFT and don't be a dick' the new Talk Guidelines right there.

If the thread is really long by the time you get there it's probably all been said already I always think.

Yep, happy with those:
RTFT and Don't be a Dick - like it!

No no, Sparkling, how can you say that? You never know what wonderful pearls of wisdom might be missing!

Thumb you are braver than me.