AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Thumbwitch I thought that if you signed in all a OP's posts are highlighted anyway? (may have that wrong of course, didn't realise it was an option). If it's a verrrrry long thread but I am interested in it and want to post, I always read the highlighted posts of the OP so I get the general gist (and try to read the whole thread but it's more skimming than reading).

As an aside, I'm quite enjoying the fact that I've only just realised the slight confusion that could be caused by the initials GF - never occurred to me before because it's always meant "goady fucker" to me in context but someone else upthread wondered and now I'm sniggering about it

Well Roussette I did start a thread suggesting that very thing a few months ago in Site stuff, but they never came back and said they would do it, although they did say they would get tech to look into it.

I wouldn't be able to tell as I have my MN customised to highlight OP's posts and my own - are you sure you've never customised it yourself?

Definitely! Can't believe I was so dimwitted to have not realised beforehand! ]

Ho hum, I didn't think I had customised it and it's just 'there' but don't quote me as I have the memory of a goldfish

In a shocking display of self-aggrandisement, here is the thread I started www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/a1866384-Highlighting-OPs-posts-through-the-thread - as you can see, there was no resolution given on the thread. AND it's now zombified (which is actually quite cool )

Summed up perfectly 7days.

I do love the little zombie.

It makes perfect sense to only reply to the thread OP and not get into endless baiting of people who reply to the poster because you disagree with their POV.

Completely un policeable though and I suspect it just brings out people with their own agenda who will attack other people and on and on.

I think some people will always have to be right and continue as they do. I think MN should just shelve it completely

Absolutely - I agree with that too.

(and I love the little zombie)

And that idea, Maryz, is genius.

I agree with Maryz I mean.

Sneezecakes - yes, only reply to the OP, no issue with that. Only replying to the OP's opening post though - bloody stupid idea.

YOu mean nefarious porpoises, surely, Mary?

That's a great idea MaryZ

i am sure you will get the odd person who outs themself on a legitimate namechange though.

cross posted with you there MaryZ

Thanks for the bloody stupid comment. Just love that.

I think OP = original post or original poster.

So I said reply to the original posters threads, just to rearrange the words and not be called bloody stupid.

Zombies love being loved.

sparkling yes! maybe it's gone really nasty since we hid AIBU. I might head back to be nice and balanced to people.....

Meglet I have unhidden it as a trial only.

I don't think that restricting yourself to only replying to the OP's posts makes for much of a conversational flow though, does it? And it doesn't leave room to agree or disagree with what other posters have written; it would make for a rather sterile MN experience, I think.

I have always liked the MNHQ philosophy of letting things flow without being encumbered by too much in the way of rules and technological solutions, and I think this broadly works when people remember that people come here for support, fun, entertainment and friendship rather than to get their arse proverbially handed to them. So don't be a dick, basically, and it will probably all turn out ok.