Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

980 replies

RowanMumsnet · 24/07/2014 11:19

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
Sneezecakesmum1 · 25/07/2014 14:00

MNHQ seem to think its a goading system, hence this AIBU Confused

So do lots of sadly disillusioned posters who didn't realise they were walking into the lions den

Mintyy · 25/07/2014 14:01

People would think twice about posting in aibu if it were just rebranded lock, stock and barrel, as Petty Gripes. I know I am a stuck record on this, but
anything that should rightfully belongs in aibu really is a petty gripe.

All other questions you could ever hope to ask have their own perfectly good topic already.

I'm not inclined to report to HQ. It is boring.

I'm not inclined to take posters up on their aggressive manner on the thread - I just get told I'm the thread police or royalty.

And I'm in a sulk anyway, because they won't move Christmas threads to the Christmas topic, even in fucking July!! fgs.

Delphiniumsblue · 25/07/2014 14:03

I always think of it as being like the worst of the school playground!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/07/2014 14:06

. This thread is because people were being nasty to OPs who have issues.

Not because people are questioning your hurling accusations of tactics all over the shop.

BigChocFrenzy · 25/07/2014 14:06

I want MN to remain free range for consenting adults and weasels
Smile
but some posters get their kicks out of savaging a vulnerable OP, just within the rules.
All we can do is report and hope MN will ban names with the IP of those clever brutes.

Troll hunting needs to be stopped immediately it raises its nasty snout.
e.g. I remember the thread about a small DD accidentally locked in after the nursery closed, when so many hinted troll. That tale turned out to be true and the OP must have felt very hurt.
Why do people have to show off - why not just report a suspected troll OP ?

Also, some have God complexes about their very limited knowledge and react savagely if anyone disturbs their fairyland with scientific facts.

I personally wouldn't post anything on the internet I don't want widley known, so I don't NC. However, some very vulnerable folk need to give details when asking for help.
So, please don't restrict NC.

AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do
Wonc · 25/07/2014 14:07

The thing is, I don't think Goady Fuckers identify as Goady Fuckers. They think they are right

And I believe that a lot of people receiving these emails from MNHQ are going to be genuinely surprised.

If I read the OP correctly, it's to get rid of the types of vicious and horrid posts that were on the Peaches Geldof thread. The trouble is, the people who were making those comments were completely and utterly convinced they were correct and justified.

Interesting times...

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/07/2014 14:17

I agree with you wonc. I don't know that people necessarily realise they are being dicks. They think because it's not a personal attack it's fine.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 25/07/2014 14:18

This is why I don't think it's all about namechanging either - there are plenty of posters out there happy to stick the boot in under their regular name.

Maryz · 25/07/2014 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wonc · 25/07/2014 14:26

You're right Maryz. Type 2 are Goady Trolly Fuckers then.

Either way, I'm glad I don't have the job of opening their reply emails to MNHQ. Imagine the indignant outrage.

Sneezecakesmum1 · 25/07/2014 14:31

This thread is not about posters who have 'issues'

Or necessarily vulnerable ones (unless we all have vulnerable moments when we ask for a bit of understanding?)

It about (according to the OP) ....

gratuitous aggression

Posts that....veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

Posts where the OP is being rounded on (playground again!)

Quote 'It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input'

Maryz · 25/07/2014 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sneezecakesmum1 · 25/07/2014 14:44

Mary. I repeated multiple times exactly what my intentions were. I repeated again and again I wouldn't dream of expecting an explanation from anyone, but if it was offered I would be understanding and not have a problem. But so many had their own agenda and rounded on me despite my trying to explain a bit more clearly than I already had.

There was nothing to disagree with. Some chose to be aggressive with me because I had not made myself clear. I can see the ganging up is beginning again.

I do regret my last post because it was totally out of character but having the tactics so many nasty posters used against me I was furious.

Now I don't give a toss what you or anyone else think though I'm sure you will do your usual. Just a bit of the normal mob mentality.

It's why MN will never stop this behaviour.

I will try again to remove this crap from my active conversations and leave the topic alone but I actually thought MN would tackle this.

Maryz · 25/07/2014 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sneezecakesmum1 · 25/07/2014 14:49

I am not banging on about anything. Check the thread. Fandjo brought the subject up. It went away and you are bringing it up again. But those facts won't suit you I'm sure.

Anyway isn't there a rule about threads about a thread. Maybe I'll report as this is what's happening here.

Viviennemary · 25/07/2014 14:54

What is it that people want though. I must say I'm a bit blunt to say the least on some of the AIBU threads because I thought they were for an honest no beating about the bush opinion. But goady stuff is annoying and then a huge row and the OP disappearing into thin air after about the first page of 39 pages and people still going on and on. Like me now. Grin

Sneezecakesmum1 · 25/07/2014 15:03

An honest disagreement is fine. Even polar opposites. Adults agree to disagree.

It's the 'you put xyz and I'm picking up on that and ignoring the supportive things you've said because they don't suit my agenda and me and my gang will run you out of our playground!' I hate so much.

BIWI · 25/07/2014 15:08
Thumbwitch · 25/07/2014 15:09

The point made upthread about posters who jump in and continue to bash an OP who has accepted they ABU because they haven't RTFT - can I please ask again:
Can the site be set up so that the OP's posts are all routinely highlighted throughout the thread, rather than people having to select that option in Customise? They can still then choose the colour they'd like it to be but the posts would be automatically highlighted, easily visible and therefore there would be no excuse to not RTFT, or at least the OP's posts, and so if you did just "answer the OP, not read the thread" and were mean about it, you could easily be spotted for being a GF.

Maryz · 25/07/2014 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 25/07/2014 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunner · 25/07/2014 15:14

Just read the thread and gone straight onto the baffled bench, didn't even get to kick the ball.

BIWI · 25/07/2014 15:15

Yes great idea Thumbwitch!

LineRunner · 25/07/2014 15:15

I like Thumbwitch's idea too.

7Days · 25/07/2014 15:18

Thing is though, it's one of those irregular verbs

I have a point of view
You have a bias
They have an agenda

I have friends
you have a clique
they are a bullying gang