AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Garlic. That's what I want to get rid of ....the interesting titles suck me into trying to be supportive and I get finger fumble and say something that's misinterpreted.

"I was on a thread where I..." Is not a generalisation

If MNHQ adopt my utterly brilliant suggestion of randomly active threads instead of Most Active, they could fix that in the process.

I also want to hide the whole topic of AIBU after the mauling I've had (like many I know) so I'll try that 'choice' link too.

If it works!

Hot pink. It's precisely that type of 'let's pick up on every word and take it out of context' I am referring too.

I had personal experiences and also commented in generalised terms.

I'm trying to point out you are being very unfair. This is a chat forum, if we can't go by the words written down what do you suggest?

I've not seen the other threads. In the context of this thread you are contradicting yourself and making unfair accusations.

I did not take what you have said out of context.

It's there, in black and white.

Not sure how I am contradicting myself?

Please explain.

MNHQ: I am pleased to see that there will be a monitoring of AIBU.

Can I also suggest that people be encouraged to use it more carefully? Posting a delicate relationship issue, or an important legal question 'for the traffic' leads to the wrong people getting flamed, a slew of terrible, uninformed 'advice', and the whole active convos page being AIBU - leading newcomers, possibly, to believe that all issues can be dealt with here, and get rough and insensitive treatment.

Anyway - I hope it works: there has been a critical mass of threads and posters this week, confrontational, thick, selfish, etc, that has made me think seriously about the whole environment of Mn and whether I want to be here. The spirit of AIBU gets everywhere.

Funny to think it started as a sort of joke.

Blu. I agree I am desperate to avoid AIBU and even chat, but I do love the childcare advice and the TV and a few other threads so am reluctant to go completely.

Massively disillusioned at the tone of so many threads. It's supposed to be a network to support mums not the nasty beast it's become.

usual

Get your point. It has got quite ridonkulous, hasn't it ?

I might try it out. Start a few daft threads and see how quickly the POs jump on.

Just to throw in my tuppence worth about NC-ing - I would like it to continue as is. The only time I've used it recently was when a friend threatened suicide and I was in desperate need of very urgent support/help/advice - it couldn't have waited for someone to come along and moderate my OP. Of course I got a few "troll-oll-oll" replies but overall the thread was helpful. NC wouldn't be a problem if people acted as they're supposed to - report possible trolls rather than calling troll on the thread - because MNHQ can easily check NCs (and even IP addresses in the case of some of our re-registering regular trolls).

BTW, why is AIBU back in poll position in the "latest 15 minutes" section? I thought it had been shuffled to the very end as a policy decision a year or so back because it was such a bear-pit and gave such a misleading impression of the site as a whole.

Lurcio that's another thing that's done. Call you a troll! I'm sure there are trolls hanging around but to call someone a troll for asking advice on suicide! It's just another tactic.

I don't think MN will ever sort this out. But even a short effect until I can hide AIBU and chat and a few other will be nice.

I love daft threads, MrsV. Fuck the bloody Po. Fuck the Goady Fuckers. I'm fed up with the deliberately obtuse posters on here.

Please start some daft threads Mrs V I love a load of

Sneeze, you say you're desperate to avoid AIBU and Chat, so why don't you?

It's called hide this thread.

Echt - that is only a part solution.

The spirit of AIBU has an effect on and pervades the whole of MN. You can hide the threads, but the posters it attracts are allowed to roam freely, and meanwhile, you miss a thread you really could help with or contribute to or would really enjoy because it has bee nposted in AIBU instead of Camping, or Relationships, or Recipes or DIY or whatever.

AIBU just skews everything, hidden or not.

I want to hide all AIBU and chat from popping into my active conversations because, like more people I am curious and when someone puts 'AIBU to stop my husband putting his............' I can't resist and then start wandering into the swamp that is AIBU!

I can easily 'hide this thread' and sometimes do but it's the whole lot I want gone.....apart from TV and arts and crafts and legal stuff etc.

Sadly it's right to say if infects lots of threads. Legal advice should be that but one or two have been hideous bear baiting.

Blu you appear to imply that AIBU infects MN. At the same time your second sentence supports my proposal that OPs should post in the right thread in the first place.

Love the implication of posters "allowed" (by whom?) to "roam freely" (where are the fences?). Wow, dangerous MNers.

Yes, Echt, we do seem to agree on that!

I am just explaining that it isn't as simple as just hiding the thread.

And in my use of the terms like 'roam freely' I am just using a different tone to the one I perceive in your post to Sneeze. I don't really think that MN can or should 'allow' posters' anywhere etc. I was joking.

To be direct I dislike the sort of tone you used to Sneeze : the 'if you don't like it bog off' solution. Not you specifically, but it is an attitude that has become more prevalent. I thought MN was a discussion and support site.

It is my opinion that AIBU has become so famous and such a beast that it dos actually attract posters who come to take part and enjoy the combative and goady tone it often has. And that does affect (infect if you like) MN as a whole.

Blu. You see exactly how the goading system operates!

Pick up on a seemingly innocuous remark 'roam freely' said often jokingly and then make snide remarks about it.

Completely ignore the spirit of the post and the overall message and effectively rubbish everything you have written.

Thats why I say with the best will in the world MN will not stop this type of undermining of other genuine posters.

AIBU isn't the sole attraction of MN, just one of the attractions. Yes there are some GFs but there are far more sensible posters.

Sneeze if you are unable to resist than it might help if you stopped using Active conversations and use thread topics instead

It isnt a "goading system" if people talk about things you say

we need a good hamster stew thread or something on the use of pomanders in public

I have no willpower

Just want to hide certain topics from active conversations. It can be done but was broken last time I emailed. My eye just seems to stray to the right. .

we need a good hamster stew thread YYY!