AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

I am pretty sure that when I joined about 10 years ago, AIBU didn't even exist... correct me if I'm wrong. Yes, I'd just delete the whole bally thing and see what happens, MN would still survive and possibly for the better.

Roussette, I joined about 7 years ago, and I think I remember AIBU then, but it definitely wasn't so dominating, and certainly wasn't so nasty. Maybe because it was still quite new then, if it wasn't there when you joined.

A few comments, sorry if I'm x-posting - I have tried to RTFT but it's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum here ...

In response to not having AIBU any more and people having to post on individual boards .... Not a good thing IMO.

  Like it or not, people post on AIBU because it attracts traffic (OK yes, and controversy too - there <span class="italic">are</span> people who have the deliberate intention of having a go!).  People use AIBU because they are almost guaranteed lots of responses / attention - sometimes good, if you want an honest and broad opinion about a situation, then  it adds value.  But bad  if the poster is a goady type, it attracts lots of people for the wrong reasons.....)

Which brings me to my next point:-

This MNHQ thread seems to cover posters who join an AIBU thread and "have a go", are unpleasant, nasty in reaction to someone else's thread. But what about people who start an AIBU thread to hack people off?
That seems to happen more and more. Some AIBUs appear to be time-wasting, no doubt about it, the thread doesn't make sense, is inconsistent which gets people's backs up.

Its fine if you can separate MN from RL existence, I try to, but there was one AIBU which I had to take issue with, I could not walk away, it was so anti-semetic, thankfully it was removed within 30 mins. These ones are easy to identify, but there are other borderline ones, which can set people off. That's when the unpleasantness can start.

It would be a shame to have to 'over-police' it creates a sterile environment that is, quite frankly boring. People just need to know what behaviour is acceptable - the other challenge is playing 'catch-up' trying to educate the many newcomers, who don't know the way to behave on MN.

Not wanting to generalise, but it does become a question of losing a sense of reality on MN sometimes - people over-invest and get very emotionally tied up in it. Yes, in an ideal world, we would be sensible and walk away - but it isn't that simple - people's 'hot-buttons' get pressed and WWIII starts.

So MNHQ now having to impose stricter rules is a shame and the least desired option, but like RL, sometimes it's needed.

I agree that the Hide poster option would lower a lot of blood pressure. Do it for the NHS

It would be no big deal for me if name-changes weren't allowed any more, but I just would have to stop posting on topics, especially work, that are very identifying

^ this.

I work somewhere with a very strict media policy. If I can't nc then my posts wold be limited to ' ummm yeah ' and ' hear hear' pity, because I work in a field that mners do ask about quite often.

My very first report on MN was a post that simply said "cunts", which is a pretty good example of one that is offensive in tone

This is where it gets tricky, isn't it? A one-word expletive is a fairly reasonable (on MN, as in my RL if not everyone's) comment on a wide range of behaviour.

My first deletion was for a post saying "Fuck off" on a mutual insult thread - I'd understand if it was deleted for unoriginality, but it clearly wasn't that! Likewise, the many spoof threads on NewYearGate. I'd have thought no-one could have taken them seriously. Either there are some dangerously literal people online at the turn of the year, or it was mean-minded shit-stirring of the type under discussion. (For those with parties to go to, deleted threads were along the lines of 'WIBU to roast my cat for dinner?')

Urgh, that was a bit of a brain dump, sorry. I need to go & buy beer!

I think the 'C' word should be banned, a lot of people find it very offensive.

It's odd that you can say this on a tea towel but not on a thread.

To MNHQ

As I'm sure you know only too well ....you'll never solve the troubles of the AIBU world, all you can probably do is pick a few suggestions for improvement on here and that's all . My FWIW thought is that if you mess around with AIBU too much, it could lose its key benefit of soliciting opinions (for the genuine people who are interested in MN opinions!).

At the end of the day, people are adults, as long as they can be clear that:

1. Mumsnet is not the 4th Emergency Service

1. Mumsnet does not = RL, but it reflects bits and pieces of it.

1. There are naice, hand-holdy, friendly people and horrid, nasty, unpleasant toads (and a myriad of types in between those extremes). Mainly I have found more of the first type (who are heart warming, funny, and intelligent) and less of the second type (who I give a wide berth to, i.e. ignore, ignore).

Maybe AIBU should come with a health warning ...

Ten quid for a friggin tea towel???

Oh, I really dislike forums with versions of Like/Dislike, mod warnings, and Hide poster options!

Outcomes:
• Groups 'approving' one another's posts & 'disapproving' others en masse. It leads to a Popular Girl effect, which stymies the forum, and also allows groups to get posters they don't like suspended for no good reason.
• Parallel convos on-thread and tremendous RTFT issues, where some posters have hidden half the contributors' posts.

Shake, I find a lot of posters' views offensive - I mean seriously distressing - but I wouldn't dream of asking for content to be censored due to my sensibilities. I'm afraid I think you should learn to breathe through swear words, as I have to with some opinions.

AIBU has become a bit of a free-for-all lately so I'm glad people will be keeping an eye on it.

With regards to namechanging, I'd hate for us to get rid of it - I've changed my names a couple of times and used anon names for TMI threads so see the benefit, but hate it when it's abused. What about if there's a delay between changing and being allowed to post using it? It's not going to affect general namechangers or people posting personal threads to wait an hour or two or four (idk!) but it might derail someone changing for the sole purpose of trolling or being a shitstirrer on a particular thread.

I need to be on AIBU more - I have quite low blood pressure so maybe my GP will start to prescribe it for me rather than telling me to put more salt on my veg.

It ain't what you say it's the way that you say it more often than not.

Parallel convos on-thread and tremendous RTFT issues, where some posters have hidden half the contributors' posts.

That's a very good point

I imagine other posters would then end up having to repeat what the hidee had said, so the hider could understand wtf was going on.

Oh no, we can't ban swearing. MN is a sweary real life type of forum.

Maryz MNHQ like reports remember .... They really like them. Better they get them from someone who knows the nuances if the site than not. I don't think you can get banned for reporting.

Everyone hide me and then I could have MN to myself.