"Why every woman secretly craves a daughter" - Telegraph article

[channing55]

Apparently 80% of British couples who have traveled to America to choose the gender of their baby want a girl.

What do people think? Is Beverly Turner right? Do all women secretly (or not) crave a daughter?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10980660/IVF-sex-selection-why-every-woman-secretly-craves-a-daughter.html

I have one of each ("oh clever you" I was told so much after DS was born ) and I love them equally. Truthfully though when I was pregnant with DD I wanted a girl. All my life I'd heard my mum go on and on about girls being best, how she only wanted girls, how my dad said he'd only ever wanted girls (they had 2; me and my sister). So I was biased, but I had been made biased, if that makes sense? Then DD was born and I loved her and it was around this time that the fiery feminist in my was unleashed and my mum realised how difficult girls can be when they grow up to challenge every previously accepted life rule and my sister did the same. I worry sometimes that I have inherited so many bad qualities from my mother that I will screw up my daughter. I don't have the same fears about my son; the unknown territory of having a boy in the family is oddly comforting!

My mum was disappointed by my second child being a boy and she struggled to bond with him. I resent her for that and I don't think I'll ever forgive her totally, despite the fact that she treats them equally at the moment.

Interestingly enough MIL was the opposite. "Boys are more loving" she cooed, conveniently forgetting how her middle son was and still is a violent thug (largely created by her crap parenting), her eldest son (DH) can barely stand to be around her and how her two daughters are always there for her yet never quite revered as much as her sons.

"The mother-daughter bond can be so incredibly special and maybe the best of bonds, so I think I get why so many women yearn for a little girl of their own."

OR it can be shit because mother wanted a boy first and was disappointed to get a girl, so never really bonded with her that well in fact, and then got the hump when she became a "daddy's girl".

Generalisations are so inacccurate.

We were not bothered about the sex and didn't find out before the birth either time. As all new parents (including adoptive parents) and relatives and friends we were overjoyed to have healthy babies and to be able to look after them.

Blue or pink flavour just isn't that important. The article is guff.

Throughout my pregnancy I desperately wanted a boy to the extent that I worried that I would struggle to bond with a little girl. I got my little boy and I am absolutely delighted with him. He is fantastic. The whole "craving a daughter" thing is completely alien to me! I find it extraordinary when I hear about this "all women want a girl" nonsense....it just is not true!

I find it very odd that the mother/daughter bond is supposed to be so special and strong when you don't know the personality you are getting.
What on earth are you going to do if you are expecting that and you get a real 'Daddy's girl'? I know so many women who have that special bond with their father.

I have two DS and am utterly happy with the fact they are boys. My DH and I have no desire whatsoever to have a girl. If we had a third (impossible as he has had a vasectomy), we would want another DS.

However, if we had had 2 DD we would love them the same. They are your children and you love them so much, beyond the gender. You love every part of them, every part f them, their souls, their whole being.

It us quite likely that if you have granddaughters they will be just like you, sleepywombat- I find that genes often miss a generation.
Lots of women are much closer to a grandmother than mother- it all depends on personality.
Having a DD to create 'that special bond' seems such an idealised wish it is almost doomed to disappointment - unless lucky.

I was convinced DS would be a girl, and maybe had a slight hope for one as we had an awesome girl's name picked out which she would probably hate. But DS is amazing and I really couldn't care less about gender now.

I've a son and a daughter and I have a special but different bond with each of them, as does dh. My mother had a strong gender preference for boys (well more accurately I suppose she thinks men are more important than women) and I don't think it is a coincidence that my big sister and I had a much closer relationship with my father and a difficult one with her. I do believe that some of the dynamic you create yourself, plenty of evidence that people treat even babies differently if they are told they are male or female.

My son is much more like me than my daughter, which is both good and bad! We have cracking arguments, big fall outs and silly laughs. My dd is lovely, generally great company. I wouldn't be without either of them and I don't think that their gender is the most important thing about them - if I did it would be highly hypocritical as I would be very pissed off if anyone thought that of me.

I'm not surprised at the growth of this type of thing though, partly becasue people increasingly feel that they should be able to have what they want and partly because of the crazy genderization of children that has happened over the last few decades.

What a horrid article.

WOW! The small girls can lay a table and are prepared to help their Mum cook dinner. It's depressing that the Mum in the article seems to have "looking after her when she's old" and "being able to keep quiet while she has a coffee with friends" as her biggest ambitions for her daughters.

Utter dross.

I haven't read the article yet - but I can say for myself I didn't crave a daughter. I have 3 boys and and perfectly happy not to have a girl.

I didn't realise how much I wanted a daughter until she was born. I have a DS and a DD and love them in different ways but equal measure.

My sister has only boys and it's amazing the level of negativity she has towards girls. Almost as if she protests too much...

I got about two lines in before the sexist cliches made me feel nauseous an I had to stop.

I managed about half of it. It is written as, "I was a little princess and I want little princesses to call cute names, wear frills and do their hair".

The woman didn't want girls she wanted dolls.

Never wanted a girl. Now I have one I do worry about screwing her up and not giving her all the careful guidance girls need. I definitely don't feel any particular connection to her because of her gender alone. Love her madly, of course.

I totally judge women who crave girls. Sorry, can't help it. I presume them to be a bit like girls on shows like Towie who want girls they can dress up, go shopping with and put naff headbands on.

I have one of each. When they were born I said the exact same words when told their gender "thats grand thanks". If I could have choosen a 3rd child it would have been another boy as that would have been 2 boys close together and I thought that would have been nice for both of them. I remember saying this to a friend at the time who had just had her second girl and she said "You'd want another one? Really?" . I thought she was talking about having a 3rd child. She explained how she was wondering why I would want another boy. There is defnitely a strong assumption out there that women want girls. to dress up and turn into disney princess type children. I did want a girl but not for those reasons. my brother isn't close to my parents but my sis and I are and I had it in my head that was due to gender and the old story of a dil always clashing with her mil. I know now that its not always the case and am just as happy having a son as a daughter.

I had a mild panic when pregnant that I might have a girl.
I have one sister and she has four boys, so my total knowledge of kids was what boys did. I'm also not a particularly girly woman and would rather go to a football match than a nail bar.
DS was born and we were thrilled.

No yearning for a girl here and like ToffeeMoon I'm slightly suspicious of women desperate for a daughter.

I have not rtft but is it not more than about having a dress up doll? Psychologically we seek to replicate past relationships and plenty of women have relationships with their Mums they want to emulate. All the mums I know with 2+ boys say they would like a girl and they are not precious girly types. Nor does it take away from their absolute love and adoration for their boys.

As a raging feminist I would quite like a girl to smash the patriarchy, I'm sure DS will so his best though.

Toffee, boys don't need any less careful guidance. I think you have all the same worries regardless of what gender your children are, but as an aside, young men are much more likely to be attacked when out and also the suicide figures are far higher....I worry more as my sons get older.

"Never wanted a girl. Now I have one I do worry about screwing her up and not giving her all the careful guidance girls need."

Why do girls need more carful guidance than boys?

"I totally judge women who crave girls. Sorry, can't help it. I presume them to be a bit like girls on shows like Towie who want girls they can dress up, go shopping with and put naff headbands on."

You could help it, you know. I find thinking a useful tool in circumstances like that.

I very much wanted a girl. I come from a long line of strong independent women (my grandmother, for example, emigrated to Australia alone in 1900 and set up her own business), and I wanted to add another one to the line.

BT is supposedly a feminist so I'm surprised to read this shite!

I get the feeling she's an MNer; hopefully she's reading and taking note.

Searches soul...

Nah, I got nothing.

I have 2 boys, they are perfect.

I think it is easier to be a man, so from the point of view of what I want for then I think they are already 'ahead'.

nope-i have two perfect boys and i couldn't love them or enjoy them any more if they were girls.

Hmmm, as a woman, I don't necessarily think it's easier to be a man in today's world.

I think women are told from everyone and everywhere that they can do it all and be everything whereas I think men and boys are becoming sidelined and don't know what they are supposed to do to please - I guess probably the role that woman used to fulfil.