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Original poster

"Why every woman secretly craves a daughter" - Telegraph article

209 replies

channing55 · 21/07/2014 16:53

Apparently 80% of British couples who have traveled to America to choose the gender of their baby want a girl.

What do people think? Is Beverly Turner right? Do all women secretly (or not) crave a daughter?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10980660/IVF-sex-selection-why-every-woman-secretly-craves-a-daughter.html

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 21/07/2014 19:18

Oh and as for boundless energy? We've been swimming and now DD2 is turning back somersaults on the trampoline.

She's also 13 and she runs off if it's suggested she 'helps'.

Ratfans · 21/07/2014 19:22

I don't recognise the little girl she describes. My DD certainly isn't like that at all.

And as someone who had 3 hideous IF attempts to have ANY baby I'm shocked anyone who go to such lengths to pick a gender when they could just have a nice shag and leave it to mother nature. Suspect anyone going to such lengths wants, as Bertie suggests, an accessory not a real life person.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/07/2014 19:22

It all seems to come down to depressing gender stereotyping and expectations. Not all boys like football, I have one with no interest.
I think it is far more to do with genes. DH likes football and 2 DSs like it. I have no interest- my father and brothers have no interest so therefore it is hardly surprising that one of our DSs has no interest.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/07/2014 19:23

If anyone had asked me what I wanted I couldn't have chosen- it would have to be the toss of a coin each time.

HermioneWeasley · 21/07/2014 19:30

Her article is total bollocks and is based on the massively representative research of.....being her.

And she should be shot froma canon for burdening her kids with those fucking awful names.

PumpkinPie2013 · 21/07/2014 19:35

I have a 7 month old ds. When I was pregnant, I never had a preference for a boy or girl (we didn't ask what we were having).

I'm (we're) thrilled with ds - he's ace and I wouldn't swap him for a girl nor do I have any desire for a girl.

It looks, for various reasons, like ds will be an only but even if I did get pregnant again it wouldn't matter if the baby was a boy or girl.

IscreamUscream · 21/07/2014 19:40

Yes I should see another baby if a girl a blessing and not a hinderence. I was so grateful that I was blessed with my healthy baby boy. After he was born my partner (now ex) would say "your going to end up like your mother" this hurt me a lot and he would do it to piss me off. Looking back I think he was jealous that all my attention was focused on our baby boy and not him anymore.
I applaud mums who love their daughters and I wish that the same would of happened to me.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/07/2014 19:41

Like every man craves a son!

jeanmiguelfangio · 21/07/2014 19:55

There are so many things wrong with that article. Gender stereotyping is horrendous and not even practical. I hate to see girls in big frilly dresses,they cant play, they cant get messy.
I have a dd. When I was pregnant, I swore it was a boy. When I heard that it was a girl, I had to get my head around it a bit. I adore her. And dh just adores her, they have an amazing bond. Each family is perfect and I just dont think you should be able to choose gender.

BomChickaMeowMeow · 21/07/2014 19:58

I openly craved a daughter, nothing secret about it. Just couldn't imagine myself with a little boy at all. Then after DD1 was born I thought it would be nice to have a boy as well, but DD2 was born and I am really happy to have two daughters and not at all bothered about not having a boy.

Rebecca2014 · 21/07/2014 20:21

I think a lot of women want a girl due to the mother daughter bond.

I have my dd and am very happy, if I had a boy first I would always have that yearning but now with my second its like "I don't care.'" because I already got my girl.

Squtternutbaush · 21/07/2014 20:26

A friend of mine was absolutely determined she would have a girl (didn't want a gender scan as she'd only be disappointed if DC4 was a boy) thankfully for the poor child it was a girl and there is an endless stream of dolls and bows being paraded on FB whilst there is no mention of the boys.

I don't get it, I was happy I was having a baby it never occurred to me to have a preference. As it turns out I'm lucky apparently as I have one of each but I'm not quite sure why I'd be unlucky to have two the same Confused

AGnu · 21/07/2014 20:46

I'd like a girl. Until a few years ago I only wanted 2 boys & the thought of a girl filled me with horror. Now I've got my boys I'd really quite like a girl as well. I'd dress her in the boys' hand-me-downs & we'd climb trees together, except for DS1 who'll probably watch from the sidelines while cleaning his immaculate hands with a wet wipe because there was a tiny speck of dirt there 20 minutes ago. Hmm I'd throw out anything pink & look disgusted with anyone who used the word 'pretty' or commented on her in a gender-stereotyping way. People already get looks when they comment on how busy I must be with 2 boys & I was regularly told they were too pretty to be boys when they were little. No-one would get away with trying to get any DD of mine to conform to a girly image! Grin Unless that was the sort of person she was...!

micah · 21/07/2014 20:57

Rebecca, just because you have a girl doesn't mean you'll have some sort of magic special bond.

My DM has two girls. My Dsis she has a very good bond with, their personalities are similar and they enjoy doing stuff together,

Me, not so much. She doesn't get why I won't wear make-up. Why my house is minimal and not full of lamps, cushions, and ornaments. I don't like shopping with her because our tastes are very different and she tries to make me buy clothes and stuff she likes, and is disapproving when I buy things she doesn't like. She reads the daily mail and is very rural in her thinking, can't understand why I would want to live in a city.

She always tells me I'm like my father, as if it's a bad thing.

It's personality, not gender.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/07/2014 21:13

Completely right, micah, everything to do with personality and nothing to do with gender. There will be some very disappointed women around when they find the longed for girl simply doesn't have a personality they understand!

Absofrigginlootly · 21/07/2014 21:19

Strongly agree micah !! In fact I would go one further and say that is the personality of the mother that mostly dictates the relationship they have with their DC....whatever gender!

If you go into having children with fixed ideas/dreams etc about how you want things to be then chances are you are setting yourself up for disappointment....unless you strike it 'lucky' and your child happens to be born with the exact personality traits/gender that you wanted.

Otherwise, you will spend your whole life trying to make your child 'fit' which will ultimately make your child unhappy and drive a wedge between you both.

Your job as a mother is to love your children unconditionally for who they are. This is what will ultimately lead to a close, loving relationship, not gender

Mim78 · 21/07/2014 21:26

That article is such rubbish it's unbelievable!

Which girls crowd round a colouring book like that? My dd would have been climbing up the sofa with the boys!

Ds so far is v placid of temperament compared to his sister.

And surely this is offensive with selective abortion of girls, not boys, happening in uk and a major problem in some countries?

Mim78 · 21/07/2014 21:27

I mean when she was 4 not now at nearly 6!

Retropear · 21/07/2014 21:31

I have IVF twin boys.I wanted boys and was dreading that they'd be girls.I then had a girl.

Love them all equally however I have a very strong bond with one of my boys,he will be the one pushing me around in my wheelchair.My other boy is more reserved(love him to bits however he needs his space)and my dd is frankly bonkers,drives me crazy and I struggle to understand at times.We clash!

We have our lovely times however she's probably closer to her dad.

I'm surprised re the stas to be frank but think having a girl is no guarantee of getting what you think you'll get.

Pepperwitheverything · 21/07/2014 21:39

I didn't care what I had but DH had a preference for daughters. We have a boy and two girls and they are just so individual and lovely. Each one unique and loved...so I would have been overjoyed with three girls or three boys,it just wouldn't have mattered.

Delphiniumsblue · 21/07/2014 21:57

I feel so sorry for many children who are obviously second best!
I can understand a preference for a sporty child, a musical child, a child who loves reading etc. I can't understand one based in gender when you have utterly no idea of the personality.
I bet half the problem on the 'but we took you to stately homes' threads is based on mothers who had a set idea of the daughter they wanted and couldn't cope with the one they got. It is a most peculiar idea that out of the vast gene pool they are going to end up with your genes!

Delphiniumsblue · 21/07/2014 21:58

And if they do the problem often stems from the fact they don't get on because they are too alike!

stillenacht1 · 21/07/2014 22:02

I craved a girl but adore the bones of my DSs.

slightlyconfused85 · 21/07/2014 22:09

This article is mad. I have a 20 month old dd who behaves in exactly the same noisy boisterous way as the little boys I know. I didn't care whether she would be a boy or girl and would have loved either. Makes me seethe reading all these stereotypes.

Echocave · 21/07/2014 22:21

I think Bev's just paying the bills with this stuff as she doesn't strike me as particularly stupid in some of her other articles. But this one is just an utter load of crap. From the statistical bollocks of using one clinic in which to base your evidence to the unrepresentative nonsense about boys not wanting to lay the table. Wait until your daughters are 10, Bev, and ask again.....