"Why every woman secretly craves a daughter" - Telegraph article

[channing55]

Apparently 80% of British couples who have traveled to America to choose the gender of their baby want a girl.

What do people think? Is Beverly Turner right? Do all women secretly (or not) crave a daughter?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10980660/IVF-sex-selection-why-every-woman-secretly-craves-a-daughter.html

I am one of three girls and my Dsis had two girls I always wanted boys and knew as soon as I became pg that he was a boy. Would happily have a whole football team given the choice.

I longed for a boy

of course I would have loved a girl just as much but I got what I wanted

I wanted a daughter, and the same is true for the majority of the mums I know.

I know that it is not a popular thing to admit on mumsnet but the reality is most mums want girls, whereas dads are usually divided.

If I had only sons I would have travelled and paid to select the gender of my final child.

Every woman craves a story ory that might be of some relevance and interest

I have two dds and must confess that I think it's a total minefield bringing up girls these days....

I don't think I could tell you why, but I would have been sad not to have a daughter. And when I had my second, I was so happy to have two of them; never a moment I wanted 'one of each'.

I really don't know why; it's odd. Definitely not about dressing up and being 'little dollies' or anything, though.

I wanted a child who I could share interests with - who would hopefully like reading and music, art and being creative, who wanted to learn, who would enjoy visiting museums and galleries with me, who I could get a little pony for and teach to ride. My boys have covered all of these bases, and many more. One of of them in particular is astonishingly like me in his interests and abilities (although I do not love him any more for it!). I simply do not recognise the sweeping generalisations which Beverley Turner makes about boys. But how terribly sad for her son .

I know that it is not a popular thing to admit on mumsnet but the reality is most mums want girls, whereas dads are usually divided.

Based on what scientific poll exactly???!

If I had only sons I would have travelled and paid to select the gender of my final child.
I fear you are projecting based on your own agenda........

I have two sons and I'm very very happy with them. I've never craved a daughter.

I would, however, be ecstatic if they would sit and colour while I chatted to friends in a coffee shop!

abso I think you have just proved your point with your outrage at me suggesting that I prefer girls...

I wanted a boy - not for any 'gender preference' but precisely because of the stereotyping that goes on around girls. The expectation that you will be 'girly' and like pink, frills, nail varnish etc. I've never been girly so would feel out of my depth with it & would be irritated by people pushing a girly agenda onto my child.

Dc1 is a boy & I'm now pregnant with dc2. DH would like a girl; I'd like a boy. I'll love them equally whoever they are, but would be more nervous about doing a good job raising a girl.

Incidentally, DS (2) loves making me cups of tea with his toy tea set, reading books, colouring - he also loves trains, tractors and creepy crawlies. And his communication is great for his age. Silly Beverley.

fluffy Huh?! Proved what point??? Confused!

Also, not sure what 'outrage' you are reading from my reply....??

What about women who don't want children at all? Where do they fit?
I'd rather read an article about "Why every woman secretly craves Nutella."
I'd believe that one.

abso you proved the point that saying you prefer girls is not a popular opinion on mumsnet.

You sound pretty outraged, with your excessive use of question marks.

You have illustrated perfectly how mumsnetters frown on anyone who has a gender preference for girls.

My 'excessive' use of question marks was in reference to you saying that the reality is most mums want girls, whereas dads are usually divided not the bit about mumsnet... (I have only started coming on here verrrry recently, so I have no idea if that is a popular consensus on mumsnet or not! If you say so I believe you!)....I was saying that, from your post, it seemed that your perception of 'reality' was heavily influenced by your own strong preference for a girl (so strong that you would travel 1000s miles and pay £1000s to try to obtain it) rather than actual reality....as I doubt very much it is backed up if women were surveyed scientifically, not anecdotally.

But fwiw I do think pre-implantation genetic diagnosis IVF is pretty outrageous....no child should be 'pre-selected' and given a right to life based solely on gender. All children are a miracle and a blessing to be cherished for who they are

I understand why so many women prefer girls...perhaps, if women had more power in developing countries, we would not now see the gendercide we see today. I would never look down on any woman who wanted a daughter. There is certainly something about the mother-daughter bond that is very special. I have a bond with my mum that I simply don't have with my dad. This obviously isn't the case with everyone, but as I get older I appreciate what my mum, as a woman, went through for me, and that means a hell of a lot.

The mother-daughter bond can be so incredibly special and maybe the best of bonds, so I think I get why so many women yearn for a little girl of their own.

balls. I am a feminist and only have boys - which was my preference.

Forago.....how does that work then? I don't get it. You are a feminist, which means you believe that men and women are entirely equal and are capable of fulfilling exceptional roles (outside of childbirth) and anything they want to do. Yet you wanted boys....??? I am sorry but. I REALLY don't understand. I am feminist, and so I didn't mind.

abso there are plenty of surveys. I'm on my phone so cant link. You do seem to have a hard time accepting that I have a gender preference for girls though. Why is that? It is however almost fashionable for mums to say they prefer boys, no one criticises them.

Your beliefs are your own, as are mine, however for what its worth pre-implantation genetic diagnosis is not the only way to gender select. There are less invasive methods.

I didnt say I WANTED boys I said I had a preference for boys - largely because I thought the challenge of raising non-discriminatory boys would be something that I would be better at than dealing with the issues of having girls these days (I wouldn't have dealt well with all the pink princessy nonsense)

Do you understand now !!!!!??????

i am a feminist but i longed for a boy

we had very few boys in my family and the female relationships were fractious to say the least and i did fear how my relationship with a girl may turn out

of course i think boys and girls are both as capable of achieving great things in their life i see them as being equal but i can not say we have reached true equality though this had nothing to do with me preferring to have a boy

i know men and women who are equally as close to their parents. from what i have experienced women have not had closer relationships to their mother than men i know both can be just as close

fluffy your posts to me seem really aggressive, I don't know why...there is no need.
I am not having a hard time accepting that at all. I can see very clearly that you have a preference. I accept that lots of people do feel that way too....having a preference for a girl OR a boy. (I'm not sure that 'most women' want a girl though...otherwise female infanticide wouldn't be such a huge problem in Asia [there are literally millions of girls missing from populations in countries like India and China due to gender-selection]....or are you referring to mainly western cultures?)

I just think it's sad for anyone to go into having children with any fixed/strong preconceptions about what they want their children to be like. Whether that be gender-based or otherwise (e.g. "I want my child to be really into football/not gay/to follow in the family business" or whatever...).

Children deserved to be loved for whoever they are born to be

abso I really don't understand how you could interpret my post as aggressive. You are the one who is criticising my views, not the other way round.

The female infanticide in Asian countries has nothing to do with mothers' gender preference, more a society that has entrenched views regarding the value of women, and a dowry system which treats women as possessions.

Desperately wanted a boy. Ended up with DDs. 3 of the blighters!

They're fucking awesome

Ok, seems we are both reading the tone of each other's posts incorrectly then....truce?!

The female infanticide problem in Asia is - yes - definitely due to the value placed on girls/women....which is why there is (sadly) a gender-preference towards boys and gender-based terminations and infanticide at birth are common place. The two are intimately related...cause and effect.

Unless there is a very good gender-related genetic-screening need for it, Pre-implantation gender-diagnosis IVF or whatever is (to me) hovering along the borderline of being a more 'sanitised' westernised version of this.... That is just my humble opinion