"Why every woman secretly craves a daughter" - Telegraph article

[channing55]

Apparently 80% of British couples who have traveled to America to choose the gender of their baby want a girl.

What do people think? Is Beverly Turner right? Do all women secretly (or not) crave a daughter?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10980660/IVF-sex-selection-why-every-woman-secretly-craves-a-daughter.html

I have never wanted to have a girl, I would have been gutted and secretly prayed each night that I wouldn't have a girl. I convinced myself not to even look at girls stuff when I was pregnant I would only be drawn to boys stuff. Thankfully I had a ds and I love him to bits. Should I fall pregnant again I really would like to have another boy.
This is going to sound harsh but if I found out the sex was a girl I don't think I would go through with the pregnancy.

That would be a very extreme reaction, you should address those issues Iscram. What if you have a granddaughter one day?

What a load of shit! My 14 yr old had just made dinner, my 12 yr old has laid the table and Bern helping me fold laundry.

My nine year old is s fan of purple, sparkles and fairies.

My six year old is sat quietly drawing.

They are all boys.

My three year old is having a tantrum ad I won't let her have an ice cream... She can tantrum far better than ds1, ds3 and ds4 ever did, ds2 was a tantrum thrower as well.

My eldest son learnt to talk before 18mths, dd was much later.

They are all individuals!

None of them much like football, my daughter likes dinosaurs and pink!

Other than ds1 they are all very physically active. Their differences are down to them being different people not what they have between their legs!

I hope you have another boy too Iscream .....I would feel desperately sorry for any girl born to a mother with your sort of attitude.

Agree with squoosh ...you need to sort your shit out

Iscream - you would abort a female child? I agree - you need to sort your thinking out. That's way beyond the sort of preference being talked about here.

" you were a fucking little bitch not latching into my breast"
" I wish I had you aborted" "your a selfish little cunt"
That was a good day, the other days myself and my 3 others sisters would be beaten kicked punched. My mother ruined our childhood and would openly admit she wanted a boy and not us "fucking bitches" and we all ended up in care.
I didn't ever want to be a toxic mother and was frightened that I might be the same person towards a girl. I'm having help to sort my shit out as have been diagnosed with PTSD to do with my abusive childhood. I would never want to lay that onto a child as that cow did with us.

Wow Iscream, I'm sad for my own daughters that you feel that way. What is it about having a daughter that you don't want? Other than their reproductive organs???

Oh god that's awful, have you been to counselling about this? I'm so sorry for what you went through.

Clearly she's one of the women who think women shouldn't do science.

"Dr Daniel Potter treats ten British patients a month, all of who want IVF treatment only in order to select the sex of their baby. He has revealed that eight in ten of them want a girl. And that's just one clinic."

Yes, that's just one clinic, which means the results are massively unreliable. If you want a proper survey, you need lots of respondents from lots of clinics. How many people did he survey? Even if he used a year's worth of data, that's only 120 respondents maximum. And if he used a month's worth, that's only ten!

As to the rest of it, sexist, tired old shite. I hope my mum wasn't wanting a pink frilly daughter to lay the table because if I wasn't reading, I was playing football outside. I didn't own anything pink until I was in my 20s and I had a special contemptuous face for little girls who liked serving "fake rose petal tea" to their mothers / dollies. (I am more tolerant now.)

You may be able to pick the gender but you can't force the gender performance.

That goes someway towards explaining your extreme thinking then Iscream ....i am glad you are seeking help for yourself and your traumatic childhood. And I wish you the best in finding yourself some closure.

But can you not see how you are actually being "the same person towards a girl" and repeating your mothers toxic thinking to say you would abort a female child?

You need to get yourself to a place where you are at peace with whatever gender child you are blessed with before you ever try for another baby

Yes I can entirely see why you wouldn't want to have a DD, Iscream but really, I think it would be incredibly unlikely that you would be the same as your mother if you did, because you have awareness and are having help/counselling to come to terms with your appalling childhood - in fact, in some ways having a DD might be healing for you. (Although, fair play, it might make you even sadder about what an absymal bitch your own mother was).

That article sounds like a how to guide of sexist parenting.

The author needs to read Cordelia Fine's 'delusions of gender'.

I always craved a daughter. I wanted to experience the amazing relationship I have with my mum with my own daughter when they are adults. Of course I knew there was a chance that we wouldn't have a great relationship but it was something I craved. I knew I could have an amazing relationship with boys too but it is different, not better or worse, just different.

I had three boys, made my peace with the fact that I would never have a girl. I then re-married and had two girls.

I love them all equally but I am very glad I got my girls in the end.

I see nothing wrong with having a gender preference as long as you get over it quickly if you have the gender you weren't hoping for and you don't treat them differently. I didn't know what I was having with my second child and I didn't look to see what sex he was for about 5 minutes after I had given birth because when they are in your arms it becomes much less important.

I suppose it's fear that I would parent a girl the way my mother hated me, absolute fear that I would turn out like her.
I would hate to do that to an innocent child. I sound like a nasty shallow person but they are deep rooted feelings that I'm ashamed of. Sorry if I have offended anyone on here.

Iscream, that's awful.

You wouldn't be that Mother to your dd, if you had one, you must believe that.

Take care.

Iscream - the help you're getting will help you root out those fears, and hopefully will open you up to the realisation that you can be different.
You are not your mother.

I definitely wanted girls. That's becasue I had an awful relationship with my mum, and I wanted a mother/dd relationship with my own children.

I had 2 DDs so am very happy. I know if I'd had 2 boys I would have carried on until I has a girl. Or maybe I would have got some counselling and sorted myself out?

I do feel for you Iscream it took me a long time to realise I am a good mum and nothing like my own mother.

Mother of toddler DS checking in. I honestly can't relate to a word of this article. When I was a little girl I loved Lego and dinosaurs and would've worn the same ratty Scooby Doo t-shirt for two years straight if my mother hadn't intervened. 2yo DS meanwhile likes playing with his tea set, 'cooking' in his toy kitchen and trying to help round the house.

Ridiculous article as it's so loaded up with crap it makes me cringe.

Little boys love to help at home too, and I remember many little toddlers tearing around, being noisy and it was about an even split between boys and girls.

I feel sorry for her son for having to deal with the expectations she has.

iscream You don't sound nasty or shallow...just traumatised.

Self awareness and a strong desire not to repeat learnt/witnessed behaviour will be your weapons.

But I repeat....you need to be at peace with whatever gender you are blessed with before embarking on pregnancy again. You would be incredibly hard pushed (I would even say impossible!) to find a Dr who would perform a termination on an otherwise healthy 14+week old baby purely on the grounds of gender anyway

Iscream - she would have been just as fucking awful to a boy.
X

Daughters are not their mothers! It is very individual- someone who had a wonderful relationship with their mother will not necessarily have one with their daughter- it is just luck.

DH and me wanted girls, because we both hate football and because we have sisters and I was a Brown Owl and generally we were both used to girls.

DH had a far easier relationship with his DM than his sister and was massively more patient with his parents getting older than I am with mine.

The account, in that ridiculous artical, of going for a coffee is very accurate, Except of course it's DD1 climbing everywhere and causing chaos!

Ive never wanted a daughter. Of course if i had one id love her, but i have two boys which is all i wanted and im happy.

No intentions of 'trying for a girl'