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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disappointed that some of my family hate our PFB's name

265 replies

bexleigh · 20/07/2014 06:48

Our little boy is 7 weeks old and some of my family don't like the name we chose. This includes my dad and my grandmother. Their first reaction on the day he was born was "Really? ... Oh. Right. Well, it's not really my cup of tea, no. I'm not a fan". The next day I thought they might have gotten used to it, but no, "I just can't get used to it. I think I'll call him the initial". And ever since the birth they've avoided referring to him with his actual name, instead they make up pet names.

I didn't announce the name before the birth, wanting to avoid negative comments, and expected people to be too polite afterwards to say anything if they didn't like the name. So I feel that this is quite rude. However, they probably see it as being open and "wearing their heart on their sleeve". It just hurts my feelings though! Sad My dad is a kind and loving man but can sometimes be a bit tactless.

Btw, it's not a really wacky name, not made up or strangely spelt, just a traditional name which is uncommon these days.u

OP posts:
mindthegap79 · 20/07/2014 06:52

How very rude! I'd get this nipped in the bud if I were you and have it out with them - insist they use his name. Otherwise they could eventually cause your ds to have a complex about his name.

Congratulations on your new baby!

MuttonCadet · 20/07/2014 06:54

They are being rude, can you just tell them that you'd like them to call your son by his given name.

My ex BIL called his son a name that has very negative connotations to me, I just smiled and said how lovely. Within weeks the negative connotations went away, because I started associating the name with a lovely sweet little baby.

Fairylea · 20/07/2014 06:54

You can't please everyone. You only need to glance at the baby names board to know how varied opinions are about names! If you like it they will have to get used to it - and personally I'd correct them every time they try to shorten it and say you want them to use the full name.

I have two dc. One has an unusual "pretty" name which I've been told sounds very posh and my youngest has the most common name in our area (which I didn't realise at the time!) It's one of the most disliked names on the baby names board for example and often called a "chav" name which I think is ridiculous. But oh well.

So we have just learnt to ignore it. People will always have opinions.

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 07:00

It is early days- they see him as 'the baby' - once he is a personality they will get used to it.
You can't actually force it. Ignore totally, just always use the name yourself and eventually they will get used to it- especially when DS knows his name! Children are very forthright and are quite likely to say 'why are you calling me .... when my name is..........?
You are in for the long term so ignore the short term.

Howaboutthisone · 20/07/2014 07:02

I agree that people will always have opinions but its bloody rude to share them on this!

We've had a few funny looks on introducing DS but no one has been rude enough to be quite so vocal, particularly not family! I agree that you need to have it out with them. Politely let them know that whilst you respect their opinion, you have named your son and you would appreciate it if they would respect that and start calling him it. Oh and stopping the negative comments would be nice too!

Some people don't realise how rude/hurtful they're being and need it pointing out to them. I'm sure that they won't carry on when they realise that its upsetting you.

DogCalledRudis · 20/07/2014 07:03

My parents and sister hate my boy's MIDDLE name. They its Jewish. They don't mind the first name, although they cannot pronounce it.

Coconutty · 20/07/2014 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 07:05

Much better to ignore until they look silly. If you have it out with them and they still refuse what do you do? That tack assumes that they listen to you.

adeucalione · 20/07/2014 07:09

Well you can't make them like it, but you can ask them to stop being so obvious about it if it's upsetting you.

Although this is your own dad and grandmother, so they will probably see it as being honest rather than being rude (I know mine would).

Maybe they thought you'd change your mind if you knew it wasn't a popular choice, but they'll get used to it.

OwlCapone · 20/07/2014 07:15

"Since we're being honest, I've never liked your name much. From now on, I'm going to call you X"

Perhaps they'll grasp how rude they're being after that.

TheCountessOlenska · 20/07/2014 07:15

My MIL phoned my DH after DS was born to tell us that we were "being idiots" to name him what we did! In fact I've had various negative comments from both Grandmothers about both DD and DS's names. I just ignore and have found they get used to the names fairly quickly and it no longer gets mentioned - MIL did the trick of "Well, I'm just going to call her *" i.e a nickname which sounded nothing like DD's actual name - but she couldn't sustain it when no one else took any notice!!

My DC have perfectly nice names by the way. DD has a popular (top 20 I think) name, and DS has a slightly more unusual one. But both choices went down like a lead balloon with the older generation. So rude - they've had their turn at naming babies - why spoil it for us!?

Rachie1986 · 20/07/2014 07:17

How nasty!

Am interested in what name it is??

stilllovingmysleep · 20/07/2014 07:20

Completely rude of course. YANBU and enjoy your new baby.

By the way, people who 'wear their heart on their sleeves' and 'are honest' are usually just plainright rude.

Passthewineandchocolate · 20/07/2014 07:21

Our families didn't like our daughter's name but now that she's older they are used to it as it's just so her.

It is rude though.

OverAndAbove · 20/07/2014 07:23

Yes, they are being rude and hurtful. I agree with the pp that the line between honest and rude is pretty blurred; it's not big or clever to be "brutally honest"

LadyintheRadiator · 20/07/2014 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 07:25

You treat them like toddlers - ignore, ignore, ignore! Model the behaviour you want and don't give them any attention for the negative. Even discussing it gives them importance. ( people always underestimate the power of ignoring).

Singsongmama · 20/07/2014 07:25

What name is it?!

We had a few raised eyebrows and people do make comments and again, it's a normal traditional name but we've had all sorts of comments.

I love hearing names of babies!

wheresthelight · 20/07/2014 07:26

Congratulations on your son!!!

We had a little girl but the name we had picked for a boy was a traditional one that was actually my maternal grandfather's name. When I told my mum she got really nasty about it saying she hated it and Pop's had always hated it which is why he used his middle name. It was heartbreaking especially when we found out we were having a girl and her reaction (after initial excitement) was "Ohh well at least you can't call her X"

I am sorry they are being knobs about it, but maybe you need to put your foot down hard and tell them that hid name is X and you expect them to use it and you don't give a toss of they don't like it, you and dh love ot and that is all that matters.

Good luck

nooka · 20/07/2014 07:29

My dd is named after my maternal grandmother and dh's paternal grandmother. Neither his father or my mother were at all happy about it. My mother even suggested changing the name to my other grandmother (so her MIL). Apparently neither woman liked their name. But we really liked them (and their names obviously) and once they both got over the initial issue they both got used to the names and it's never been an issue since.

To be honest I don't think that the first reaction was particularly rude, and think it's fairly unreasonable to expect people to have changed their minds just one day later. 7 weeks isn't very long, I would expect everyone to come around as the name becomes more the baby's and loses whatever association it brings to the OPs relatives. It is possible that they may never like it though, just as I am sure there are some names we all dislike.

SinglePringle · 20/07/2014 07:30

It's a control issue. If your family met someone with the name, they wouldn't think twice about using it / referring to that person with their name...

Yet somehow it's 'acceptable' to not call their grandchild by this name because they don't like it?!

I'd go batshit on their arse...

Deftones · 20/07/2014 07:32

I'm shocked anyone can be so blatantly rude!

My DD's name is very unusual but very old. It raised a few eyebrows and still does but no one had the balls to say shit to my face thus far, but if they did they'd get a swift telling off.

Appalling behaviour

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 07:35

Of course it is a control issue- therefore you ignore and don't play the game!
You can go 'batshit' but it won't necessarily change things.

Delphiniumsblue · 20/07/2014 07:41

The baby is an object to them- once he is a person the problem will sort itself.

CornChips · 20/07/2014 07:48

Yeah, go batshit. Our neighbour informed us that he did not like our DS's name and would call him by his middle name instead.

The resulting volcanic eruption from me is still a treasured memory.

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