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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be disappointed that some of my family hate our PFB's name

265 replies

bexleigh · 20/07/2014 06:48

Our little boy is 7 weeks old and some of my family don't like the name we chose. This includes my dad and my grandmother. Their first reaction on the day he was born was "Really? ... Oh. Right. Well, it's not really my cup of tea, no. I'm not a fan". The next day I thought they might have gotten used to it, but no, "I just can't get used to it. I think I'll call him the initial". And ever since the birth they've avoided referring to him with his actual name, instead they make up pet names.

I didn't announce the name before the birth, wanting to avoid negative comments, and expected people to be too polite afterwards to say anything if they didn't like the name. So I feel that this is quite rude. However, they probably see it as being open and "wearing their heart on their sleeve". It just hurts my feelings though! Sad My dad is a kind and loving man but can sometimes be a bit tactless.

Btw, it's not a really wacky name, not made up or strangely spelt, just a traditional name which is uncommon these days.u

OP posts:
Fairylea · 20/07/2014 11:37

Quentin is a lovely name. Very classic and I think it suits both a child and grown man.

They'll have to suck it up and keep their opinions to themselves.

Original poster
bexleigh · 20/07/2014 11:38

Hehe, thanks for your supportive words - yes andsmile most importantly it looks like it's MN approved so that's good enough for me Wink

Call me a snob but I'd rather have a poncey/posh/uncommon name than a chavvy one! :P

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/07/2014 11:41

Even though I don't like the name, I had every sympathy for you until the last line of your last post OP.

They are rude though, so try to ignore them.

TidyDancer · 20/07/2014 11:45

OP - "chavvy one"? Hmm

DurhamDurham · 20/07/2014 11:47

You can't complain that members of your family don't like the name of your ds and then go on to say other names are chavvy. What is a chavvy name to you might be a lovely, family name to another person.
If you want people to respect your choice of name then you should respect other parents too.

MsJupiter · 20/07/2014 11:48

Dwerf are you my Mum?

She refused to use DS's name for months and it upset me so much. I could tell it was a definite reason but couldn't think what. But eventually she sent me an email explaining why. It actually wasn't quite as bad as I had been imagining and she said she had got used to it now.

She and DS have an amazing relationship and adore each other so it hasn't affected that.

It sounds like your family haven't got such a specific reason for disliking it but it might be worth asking if they have and starting a conversation that way.

TidyDancer · 20/07/2014 11:48

What DurhamDurham said x1000. You've lost major points by being so judgemental yourself, OP.

Fairylea · 20/07/2014 11:50

Well as I said my son has a "chavvy" name.... Surely the whole point is that no one should judge a name choice or make assumptions based on whatever name it happens to be.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 20/07/2014 11:51

I love all these names.

I don't think YABU but bear in mind that if you want a child with an unusual name, you need to be willing to see that through. That means plenty of family grumbles, Hmm looks from strangers and constant explanations / justifications / reiterations of pronunciation and spelling. Much like anything unconventional really.

It's worth it. DS1 loves his unusual name (although he does have an alter ego called Rex!) and hopefully DS2 will as well. If not they both have classic middle names to choose.

Original poster
bexleigh · 20/07/2014 11:55

Aww, I wasn't being serious with the chavvy names comment - I just mean there are always different stereotypes and perspectives on names! Once someone names their baby I feel that it becomes associated with their lovely baby and any negative associations fade away.

OP posts:
SweetSummerSweetPea · 20/07/2014 11:59

The name is Quentin

I loved this name!! And its helped by happening to know an extremely handsome Quentin in my youth - uber cool and attractive. I have a friend whose boy is Quinn which is also v cool to me.

However, we have a marmite name for our second....and people have said they don;t like it...but so what?

I didn't like the names they thought would be nice....I really really do not get this being upset that not everyone shares your choice?

I can 100% guarantee you we have had worse comments, because ours have been related to a medical nature...and worse.

However the people who love it and get it really do love it!

People are allowed to have a different opinion and I think its refreshing actually they have told you they don't like it.

Your hurt because they are questioning your taste, its you who need to shore yourself up and be happy with your choice, even if the world doesn't join in.

SweetSummerSweetPea · 20/07/2014 12:00

bex

there are names I really dislike, my dislike for the name doesnt melt away for babies I dont really know.

Original poster
bexleigh · 20/07/2014 12:08

SweetSummer I agree, but for babies you do know surely it's different? I'm talking about close family.

OP posts:
erin99 · 20/07/2014 12:16

Ah so tempting to take owlcapone's advice - invent a new name for them and see how they like it.

I think my family hated DS's name too. They at least were polite enough to keep it to a pointed silence, BUT by the time he turned 2, both my parents had independently told me how fab his name is, "actually", "now I've got used to it".

diddl · 20/07/2014 12:40

I wouldn't choose it, but I don't dislike it either.

It's hardly unheard of,made up or controversial, is it?

Dwerf · 20/07/2014 12:43

MsJupiter The name she picked is very close to that of her father's sperm doner's name, it's pretty much his name with a letter added. I did point this out to her, she of all people has reason to have negative connotations to that name. She hadn't realised but decided she didn't care. He's a lovely little boy and always has big loves for his Nanny. His name is his name now, I wouldn't have chosen it for any child of mine but it doesn't affect our relationship at all, neither mine with him or my daughter.

MsJupiter · 20/07/2014 12:47

I just realised I should have started the last paragraph with 'OP' - that wasn't directed at you Dwerf! It is interesting to hear your experience as it sounds similar to mine. I'm so glad my Mum eventually told me why the name upset her, it sounds like you dealt with it a lot better.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/07/2014 12:54

Well fuck me, 5 months ago I was very much told I was being UR for not wanting my baby's relatives to call the baby, 'baby boo'(followed by because we don't like the actual name) when anybody asked them the name.then after that nonsense stopped I was told I was also UR for not wanting them to change it to baby P

Granted by that time they had become a little less rude and only added because its outside of our comfort zone.

Unfortunately I lost it one day and the very loud "referring to my child as one of the most well known recent child abuse victims is out of my fucking comfort zone" and then slamming the door so hard it smashed the window seamed to make my point clearly and now they use the actual name.

BravePotato · 20/07/2014 12:57

Goodness!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/07/2014 13:01

But if you do that you do end up paying for a new door.

And I would like to stress I had repeatedly asked them to use the actual name as had dad and it was not just the not using it but the way it was done and how obvious the rudeness was.

JimBobplusasprog · 20/07/2014 13:16

Your little boy has an awesome name. :)

deepest · 20/07/2014 13:40

My family didn't like the name I chose for my daughter - Eliza - My Mum didn't say anything to me directly -- but her gobby mate said "We don't like Eliza you should call her Kate"....my sister even wrote on the card - congratulations on the birth of Kate!!!

My sister then had a go at me for calling her Rosario as a middle name as it was "her name" that she had chosen for "her daughter in the future" as it was the name of her husbands grandmother....even though it was our own mothers first name!!!..........the marriage didn't last they never had a daughter .... and she has nt had another child since...

TheBuskersDog · 20/07/2014 13:45

I can 100% guarantee you we have had worse comments, because ours have been related to a medical nature...and worse.

Do you have a daughter called Chlamydia?

Fluffyears · 20/07/2014 13:45

Each time they use something other than his name I would just say very politely with a steely glare 'his name is Quentin', every time they say it use the same response. Only parents have the right to choose what a child is to be called. I once told my mother what I would choose (going to start ttc) and got 'good god no!' They are very nice normal names. I said 'we'll you better get used to it as those will be the names we use!' If I (fingers crossed) do egg pregnant I might to true her with some names, hypolitus anyone?

My sister is law chose god awful names for my niece and nephew and couldn't be swayed.

ObfusKate · 20/07/2014 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.