Fairly sure that a family member has gone routing through our caravan, are we overreacting?

[NotActuallyAMum]

We’ve got a static caravan, it’s very much our second home full of our belongings which we leave in it to save us carrying everything to and fro

Because we’re not going this weekend (a rarity) one of my brothers asked if he could go today for a long weekend, which was fine by us. He then asked if his DD and her DP could go yesterday, which again we didn’t have a problem with. When we left last weekend we cleared some space for them to put their stuff on – plenty of room for them, especially as they will eat/go out most of the time. We gave his DD and her DP a key earlier in the week and told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there as there’s another key in the caravan but it’s hidden and they won’t find it

My brother has just phoned to say that his DDs DP has found the key – he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

The key was in a cupboard in one of those ‘safe tins’ that looks like a tin of food – we just can’t believe he found it, there is loads of storage space in the caravan. OK he may have gone straight to the cupboard that it was in and found it pretty much straight away but really what are the chances of that?

DH and I are absolutely fuming and we want to say something, what would you do?

Can you honestly not see the difference?

Can you not see that there isn't really a difference. Whether you are looking for something specific or just being nosey you are still looking through the cupboards.

Mmm! Must remember this next time I'm babysitting:

It is perfectly acceptable for me to root through the client's cupboards and drawers to satisfy my own curiosity - nay! It is expected of me! Judy off the telly does it!

Riiiggghhhht!

Maybe there is only a difference if you have respect for other people and their possessions, Bearbehind. I can see a clear difference between looking for something specific and snooping. You can't. Am I judging you for that? Yes. Do you care? No.

We will have to leave it at that. You will carry on invading people's privacy to satisfy your own curiosity, and I won't.

I can see a clear difference between looking for something specific and snooping

I find it hysterical and deeply ironic that that argument actually justifies the DP in this situation- he was looking for something specific- he wasn't snooping for the hell of it. It was something the OP had told them they could use and he choose to look for it.

I have always said that if we were lucky enough to own a holiday home, there is no way I would let anyone else near it. Sleeping in my bed, using my bathroom . At least you know they rummaged through your stuff. I think it is a given that people would look in drawers and cupboards just to see what they could use.

It doesn't justify the DP: he had no reason to look for the key. It wasn't his responsibility, he didn't need it and the DB was told to call Op to be told where it was.

"It was something the OP had told them they could use and he choose to look for it."

It was something his girlfriend's father had been told he could use. It was something he didn't need.

They did not need the spare key. If they wanted the spare key, they did not need to go hunting through cupboards to find it - they just had to ask the OP. The only thing they needed to do in the OP's bedroom was to flick a switch to turn on the electricity.

So there is still a difference - he was NOT looking for something he needed - he was having fun, snooping.

when do they leave ? Will you be able to get there to check how it is left asap ?

You'll be glad to know I'm giving up with this thread.

I never actually said I would go snooping anyway. For what it's worth, I wouldn't look through the cupboards out of any kind of malice but I would look and see what there was that we could use- blankets, pillows, bucket and spade etc.

The point I have been trying to make is that the motivation behind opening the cupboards/ drawers is irrelevant- it doesn't matter if you are doing it to find something you need or if you are just being nosey, the net upshot is you've looked through the cupboards.

If you have a property you loan out, I think you have to accept that.

Many people seem to find the need to polish their halos and decree that they'd only look for something they 'need' but I truly do not see why they feel so superior about that- you're still looking in the fecking cupboards.

It's not a private house you are visiting- it's a caravan you are staying in and have many valid reasons for looking in cupboards.

If people who own these places can't accept that they can't restrict what their guests look at then they shouldn't let them stay.

I agree bear

Thanks dame

If people who own these places can't accept that they can't restrict what their guests look at then they shouldn't let them stay.

So any lack of ethics or morals on the guest's part become the owner's responsibility to prevent and not the guests.

I'm giving up on this thread too, I think we're just going to have to agree to disagree. I think self control, boundaries and ethics are basic standards and not pearl clutching , and I would not think it ok to go through other people's cupboards, drawers and stuff to see what's there to use. You do.

You still don't seem to see any difference between a holiday let which is handed over part and parcel and is prepared for people to use as their own, and being allowed to stay as a trusted guest in a friend's home which still contains their belongings.

If the caravan/holiday home owner has said "please make yourselves at home, use whatever of our stuff you need" then it is OK to look through cupboards to see what things of theirs you can use. But on,y if they have given that permission - which it doesn't sound like the OP did.

Posted too soon - if you don't have the owners' permission to use their stuff, you shouldn't use it. You shouldn't go through their stuff to see what you can use, you should respect their privacy.

Nb. This does not include kitchen stuff - I think it is not unreasonable to assume that use of a holiday home, even one chock-full of personal possessions, would include use of cooking equipment, crockery and cutlery.

I know I'm like a moth to the flame but I can't let that hypocrisy pass- it makes no fecking difference if it's a kitchen drawer or the bedside drawer in the room you are sleeping in.

You can't just decide which drawers it's ok to open and which it isn't and decree that those are the standards acceptable to everyone based on the fact you were only doing it to finding cleaning products etc.

I don't see any hypocrisy - I think there is a glaring difference in that most people would open a kitchen cupboard to find a glass or bottle opener in front of their hosts, whereas I can't really imagine someone sitting on my bed and opening my bedside drawers if I took them upstairs to show them how we've decorated our bedroom. Looking for something you could reasonably be expected to use, such as kitchen equipment is very different to poking through stuff that there is no reason for you to be looking at, such as whatever items a person keeps in their bedside drawer.

I am really surprised at your attitude - I hope that none of my friends harbour these kinds of expectations that there is no such thing as privacy if you welcome someone into your home, but I am guessing that I wouldn't immediately assume you would feel this way if I met you, so now I am starting to question whether your perspective on this situation is more common than I would like to believe.

OMFG- there is some kind of parallel universe on this thread- on what planet is it ok to open up someone's kitchen drawers whilst looking for a bottle opener while the home owners are standing there and could very easily be asked?

I don't think ever I've encountered such hypocrisy and double standards on a thread on MN.

Kitchens are communal areas, bedrooms aren't. That's not hypocrisy, that's fact.

And if you ask your host where their bottle opener is, and it's in a kitchen drawer, they will probably tell you so that you can get it out; if you ask where their headache pills are and they are in a bedside drawer, they will probably go and get it for you.

Seriously, bear, you think the distinction is hypocritical?

But we're not talking about a situation where the home owner is there to ask and I totally disagree that it is acceptable to decide that in a caravan the kitchen is fair game but the bedroom is not. It is perfectly feasible that the bedroom drawers contain bedding/ bed linen that are just as necessary as crockery.

dojos example was ridiculous- you wouldn't just start rooting through someone kitchen drawer to find a bottle opener if they were standing there any more than you'd root through the bathroom cabinet whilst they looked on.

Do Jo-clearly you've never watched Come Dine With Me

My first thought when reading the op about how the dp just couldn't let it rest until he'd found the key was just what a fucking boring, annoying wanker he must be. In fact the sort of person that would make a caravan weekend a living hell.

Just be thankful you weren't stuck with them for the weekend op

It wouldn't cross my mind to look through someone's draws or cupboards if I was staying in their house apart from the kitchen which is where you kept your key. They may have guessed that it was in a "safe tin" that looks like a tin of food as that is a common place to hide keys. It is where I would look anyway. Hopefully they didn't go into your bedroom as I agree that would be very rude.

If I was cooking/feeding my son/emptying the bins/obviously otherwise engaged, regular guests in my house would help themselves to a drink rather than expecting me to stop what I am doing and get one for them, or wait until I was finished. I don't think I suggested that they would rifle through my kitchen cupboards and drawers while I was standing there like a lemon, but if they wanted a glass of water and I was clearly otherwise engaged, it would bother me if they tried to help by getting themselves a drink.

For someone who seems to have an open season on all their personal belongings, I am surprised that this doesn't happen in your house. You may find my example ridiculous, but no more so than I find your assertion that every single item in someone's home is up for examination if you invite someone to stay.

The difference is, it appears, that I am surprised by your attitude, but not inclined to accuse you of hypocrisy, ridiculousness and double standards. You seem determined to argue over this, and whilst I disagree with most of what you have said, I'm not inclined to keep coming up with examples to demonstrate my position if you are going to engage in personal attacks.

DameDiazepam - I have always found those more staged aspects of CDWM odd - presumably people have to put things that they REALLY don't want shown on TV in their lofts or safes (or perhaps their second homes! ).