Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fairly sure that a family member has gone routing through our caravan, are we overreacting?

212 replies

NotActuallyAMum · 10/07/2014 12:05

We’ve got a static caravan, it’s very much our second home full of our belongings which we leave in it to save us carrying everything to and fro

Because we’re not going this weekend (a rarity) one of my brothers asked if he could go today for a long weekend, which was fine by us. He then asked if his DD and her DP could go yesterday, which again we didn’t have a problem with. When we left last weekend we cleared some space for them to put their stuff on – plenty of room for them, especially as they will eat/go out most of the time. We gave his DD and her DP a key earlier in the week and told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there as there’s another key in the caravan but it’s hidden and they won’t find it

My brother has just phoned to say that his DDs DP has found the key – he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

The key was in a cupboard in one of those ‘safe tins’ that looks like a tin of food – we just can’t believe he found it, there is loads of storage space in the caravan. OK he may have gone straight to the cupboard that it was in and found it pretty much straight away but really what are the chances of that?

DH and I are absolutely fuming and we want to say something, what would you do?

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 10/07/2014 12:56

I don't think you are uptight OP - I don't assume that by allowing someone through my door I therefore give up any expectation of socially acceptable behaviour. I would be responding with 'OK, not that funny as I think of the caravan as my home and don't expect people to go through all my stuff on a bit of a whim thanks'. And no, they wouldn't be staying again if it was me

Original poster
NotActuallyAMum · 10/07/2014 13:06

"I don't assume that by allowing someone through my door I therefore give up any expectation of socially acceptable behaviour"

Exactly QueenofallIsee I don't think my niece and her DP would like it if we went to their house and starting looking everywhere

For the record, there's nothing 'personal' as such but we still don't think he should have done this, we hardly know him

Quite a few seem to think we're overreacting though, interesting. We will have a think whether to say something when we get the key back next week

OP posts:
Vintagejazz · 10/07/2014 13:09

I have stayed in other people's caravans and I wouldn't dream of going rooting through their drawers and cupboards like that, and then telling the owners about it in a jokey way.
Yes, obviously you will have to open the kitchen cupboards and drawers to find cutlery and plates and stuff. But other than that why would you be looking through people's stuff and thinking it's okay and they won't mind?
The very fact that the OP told them to ring her, and she would tell them exactly where the key was, should have been an indication that she didn't want them rooting around the place.
I'm surprised so many people think this is okay.

SistersOfPercy · 10/07/2014 13:13

TBH those 'safe tins' are really obvious and if I'd opened a cupboard to put food away (assuming they took food etc) I'd have recognised it for what it was straight away.

Bogeyface · 10/07/2014 13:14

Another one who thinks you are making a huge over nothing!

I also dont get why you didnt just tell them straight away where it was. Tbh it all seems very childish "I'm not going to tell you where it is until I think you need to know" and then hit the roof when they decide to just find it themselves.

And the kitchen is probably the first place they looked, it would certainly be if I was looking for something like that. I very much doubt they went through your knicker drawer Hmm

Bogeyface · 10/07/2014 13:15

huge fuss over nothing

Tangoandcreditcards · 10/07/2014 13:21

Sorry notactually, if my brother had told me that there was a secret key that I could "never find" in his house - I would definitely go looking for it and feel super smug if I found it. I can totally understand how he saw it as a challenge. my family is massively competitive

I understand that you're put-out that he went through your stuff, but he's family, and it's not the end of the world... I do think you're overreacting a little bit.

OneStepCloser · 10/07/2014 13:21

As above, sounds like a huge fuss over nothing, I`m really not getting it. Unless its personal papers, or sex toys I really couldnt get upset over something like this.

Original poster
NotActuallyAMum · 10/07/2014 13:26

Safe tins are indeed obvious if you are looking straight at it, this wasn't the case, and it wasn't in the kitchen area it was in a cupboard in our bedroom - behind a box of beer, underneath the beach mat/towels in a bag with a few 'proper' tins/packets of food that we couldn't fit in the kitchen

I'm beginning to question if we should say something now though, but we've got a few days to think

I do appreciate your input either way Smile

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 10/07/2014 13:36

I would say nothing now. But when you do get the key back, if your DB says anything about it I'd point out you are surprised noone mentioned to him that it's terribly rude to go rooting round other people's stuff, but only if your DB mentions it.

Otherwise, I'd just not let that bloke stay again, and be carefl about your DB, he didn't think it was an issue that his DD's DP was going through all your stuff and didn't bother to stop him. That suggests your DB doesn't particularly think it was impolite either.

I'm of the opinion that holiday homes that are treated as homes are best not to lend out - people rarely view it as staying in your home, but view it as staying in a holiday rental they've not had to pay for.

DoJo · 10/07/2014 13:51

I don't think it's so much what they might have found as that they poked around at all when there was no need to. I have people to stay at my house regularly, but I don't expect them to go through the chest of drawers in the spare room or open the filing cabinet just because it's there. I wouldn't mind them knowing that I have a near infinite stash of toothpaste of finding the cremation certificate for my rabbit, but I would feel put out that they had looked around in my things.

BadLad · 10/07/2014 13:57

I'm with you, OP. If I have someone to stay I don't expect them to challenge themselves to find things by rummaging through my things.

Toooldtobearsed · 10/07/2014 14:23

But it's different in a static. We have a tourer, so not had this problem, but just thinking about it, if we lent it out, I would expect people to have a nosey - how else would they find bottle openers, spare batteries, torches etc.,?
Caravans are little delights in how the space is used, and even when looking at new ones, I cannot resist opening every bloody door and cupboard to see what pops outGrin
Now, if they were to house sit and go rummaging around your bedroom, for example, that would be a different matter, but honestly, I think you should not loan out your van if you are a very private person or have very personal things stashed

SueDoku · 10/07/2014 14:33

Next time you visit your DB, go and look through his bedroom drawers - and when he objects, tell him that you thought that he understood the idea of the challenge of seeing what you could find......Smile

UnrelatedToElephants · 10/07/2014 18:40

Say nothing to him, but don't let him stay again, and don't use the "we've hidden a secret key" trick again - it IS a challenge.

Nomama · 10/07/2014 18:54

U, very U.

It's a caravan, you let them use it. It was a challenge. You should send him a text promising him a prize for ingenuity.

It's really should be a non issue, shouldn't it? Loosen up, they're on holiday. If you don't like the feeling don't let anyone else use it ever again! Cos you can't be generous and offer it and then feel like this, be on tenterhooks, when someone is there. That would drive you mad, and bitter. Don't do that to yourself!

MaryWestmacott · 10/07/2014 18:58

Toooldtobearsed - I think you've hit the nail on the head in that you think it's ok in a holiday home but it would be a different matter if they housesit and go rummaging, it does seem that second homes in holiday locations aren't treated as second homes - but in the same way as holiday properties rented out. What would seem rude in someone's primary residence often feels ok in the holiday location.

Op, if the static caravan is your second home then don't lend it out unless you are completely certain the person using it will treat it like your home.

Runesigil · 10/07/2014 20:34

he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

Droflove · 10/07/2014 20:38

I think it was probably done in a harmless way without them realising how upset it would make you. Holiday homes are really quite different in the minds of most people than permanent homes. I guess they didn't understand that you treat the place like your home home too.

littlewhitebag · 10/07/2014 20:39

I doubt the place was "ransacked". I am sure everything is still as it was. Hmm

DoJo · 10/07/2014 20:45

Maybe holiday homes are only 'different' in the minds of people who don't have them and are reliant on the generosity of those who do to allow them to stay. Most people I know that have holidays homes (unless they do so to rent out as a business) want to feel comfortable in them and treat them in the same way they treat their main residence, and expect others to do the same.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2014 20:58

I presume that none of the people who think the OP is being unreasonable would mind if someone came and had a good root through their things.

littlewhitebag · 10/07/2014 21:06

SDTG I had a static caravan which people borrowed and it never bothered me if they raked through my stuff. Never, ever.

If it was my house and they were raking through my private papers then that is different but in a caravan it just tends to be some clothes, toiletries, games, books etc.

I used to positively encourage people to use what they found as long as they replaced what they used up - that was the only rule.

I genuinely cannot see the problem here. My caravan was very much a home from home but if i let people borrow it i absolutely accepted everything in it was fair game.

If OP hates this then she should rethink letting people borrow it.

MintyCoolMojito · 10/07/2014 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bearbehind · 10/07/2014 21:08

Totally overreacting OP.

You gave them free reign of the caravan so you can't moan if they looked around.

If you don't want your privacy invaded, don't let others stay there or remove all your personal belongings.

I'm guessing it's not as 'cluttered' as a house would be so it wouldn't exactly be difficult to find the key- a food tin in a bedroom is going to look out of place isn't it?

I've no idea why you didn't just tell them where the spare key was- telling them it was hidden and they'd never find it was unnecessary and pretty much challenging them to go rooting around.

Swipe left for the next trending thread