Fairly sure that a family member has gone routing through our caravan, are we overreacting?

[NotActuallyAMum]

We’ve got a static caravan, it’s very much our second home full of our belongings which we leave in it to save us carrying everything to and fro

Because we’re not going this weekend (a rarity) one of my brothers asked if he could go today for a long weekend, which was fine by us. He then asked if his DD and her DP could go yesterday, which again we didn’t have a problem with. When we left last weekend we cleared some space for them to put their stuff on – plenty of room for them, especially as they will eat/go out most of the time. We gave his DD and her DP a key earlier in the week and told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there as there’s another key in the caravan but it’s hidden and they won’t find it

My brother has just phoned to say that his DDs DP has found the key – he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

The key was in a cupboard in one of those ‘safe tins’ that looks like a tin of food – we just can’t believe he found it, there is loads of storage space in the caravan. OK he may have gone straight to the cupboard that it was in and found it pretty much straight away but really what are the chances of that?

DH and I are absolutely fuming and we want to say something, what would you do?

[GretchenWiener]

has anyone pointed out its ROOTING, anyway


runs

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Gretchen, yes but I'm in enough bother for saying I'd look in a caravan cupboard so thought I'd better not fan the flames further

[Bearbehind]

I can't believe this is still going!

I don't think anyone thinks it was nice that the DP hunted down the key but it's really not worthy of all this fuss.

The OP made a big deal about not telling them where the key was, when it would have been just as easy to explain and none of this would have happened.

The fact remains they would still have had a good look round- it's just the OP wouldn't have known about it.

All this extrapolation about it being like going through someone's handbag when they leave the room is bonkers.

It's a fecking caravan which is loaned out to others without restrictions- it's not a handbag.

There are loads of reasons why people would have a good look around- they might have forgotten something and need to have a look to see if there is one in the caravan, they might be thinking of buying one and what to get a good feel for it all or they might just be nosey bastards- whatever reason, if you leave someone unattended in your holiday let you can't restrict what they look at unless you lock stuff up.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

She said to her brother something like "call me when you get there, it's hidden and You'll never find it"

Who knows what her DBro said to DN, but that doesn't sound like a challenge to me, it sounds like someone who thinks it's easier to explain when the person is actually there looking at the wardrobe in question.

[kawliga]

I can only assume that there are loads of people on here who, if a friend left the room with their handbag in plain sight, would see it as an invitation to have a good rummage through it!

And then ask what's the matter, what was in your handbag that you didn't want anyone to see? It was just keys and wallets, no sex toys or other private things

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Bearbehind - are you still insisting that everyone would have gone nosing through the cupboards and drawers? Because that just is not the case. If I were staying in someone's holiday home, I would not be snooping through their possessions, and it seems there are plenty of others who wouldn't either.

I think snooping through someone else's things is rude, and I would not want to behave that way. Maybe I have different standards.

[kawliga]

SDTG you do not have different standards, most people do not behave this way. What you said earlier was right, that people who do such things like to believe that 'everyone' does it.

Still wondering, if OP hasn't disappeared why the niece does not bear the blame for this - it was the niece's guest who overstepped boundaries. Same niece might have loads of other friends who also believe 'everyone' behaves this way. In which case the DP is the least of your problems - you are stuck with the boundaryless niece for life.

[Bearbehind]

I'm not insisting everyone would have gone through all the drawers and cupboards but I do think a lot of people would have had a look around most areas for one reason or another and to think that might not be the case is naive.

This handbag analogy is insane- the closest a handbag can be used as a comparison in this situation is if you lent someone your handbag you'd expect them to look in it and you'd take out anything you didn't want them to see.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

There is also a difference between telling your brother how to find something in your bedroom and explaining it to a near stranger.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

But OP isn't objecting to a general look around - she is objecting to a full on search through all areas.

[Runesigil]

Would that man have done the same thing in the OP's house in similar circumstances? I think he would, he has clearly demonstrated that he has no boundaries and no manners. Must say I'm rather surprised at how many people seem to think that his behaviour is acceptable.

What with that and the recently revived thread about the asbysmal behaviour of family friends in someone else's ski chalet, it's a wake-up call to anyone who has a property they think of as home from home to be ultra careful who they allow to stay there

[Bearbehind]

I don't think anyone has said his behaviour is 'acceptable'

You can't set all standards by your own and if you aren't prepared for the fact that some people will have a good old mooch around your caravan, you should let others use it.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

...... so the answer is, instead of criticising the actions of a few people who are rude, badly behaved and have 'different' standards, that everyone should accept their poor behaviour and let them get on with it, or it's their fault for doing something nice for anyone and expecting any better?

Seriously?

This behaviour is not ok. It's not. It's not normal behaviour, it's rude and invasive and it's not acceptable.

[Bearbehind]

Christ, some people are going to strangle themselves by clutching their pearls so tightly on this thread.

How on earth would someone even know which doors/ drawers could be opened to store their stuff in and which couldn't unless they looked?

I'm not condoning the DP hunting for the key, I'm just saying you can't begin to think people who stay in someone else's caravan aren't going to open doors/ drawers.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

"How on earth would someone even know which doors/ drawers could be opened to store their stuff in and which couldn't unless they looked?"

In this instance, because the DP wasn't staying in that bedroom.

The OP hasn't said anything about him opening drawers in his room or in communal areas. And he didn't just open a drawer and go "oh, full" and close again.

She isn't objecting to the scenario you suggest, but to what actually happened, which you say you don't condone.

[Bearbehind]

I don't condone it but I'm just saying the OP should pick her battles.

This is a non-event in the grand scheme of things and is a situation which, rightly or wrongly, needs to be accepted if you are going to loan a property to friends/ relatives.

The reality is, if it wasn't for the key incident, the 'guests' would have still had a root around and the OP would be none the wiser.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

I'm guessing said guest is late teens/early 20s.

I think it would stand him in good stead if he's told how rude he was, rather than being a non-event.

She doesn't have to pick her battles - this man may or may not be in her life going forward, but if he stays with DN they'll only see each other now and again.

[Bearbehind]

Ok - so the OP kicks off about this situation and these guests never go again- how does that stop future guests having a root around and not telling the OP?

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

It doesn't - but my assumption is that most guests won't go through her bedroom; yours is that most will?!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Bearbehind - on Friday, you said:

"...If you let people stay in a caravan you have to accept they have free reign of the place- they might not all deliberately rummage like the DN's DP did but they will all have a good look round- fact.

The difference is some people will admit it and others won't."

Sounds like insisting everyone would have done it to me.

[JoyceDivision]

You wouldn't have had this problem in a tent

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

I remember a discussion years ago on this subject on Richard and Judy -turns out Judy loves a good ferret and admits to riffling through bathroom cabinets at dinner parties. Woman after my own heart

[Bearbehind]

STDG ok, so you would just sleep in the bed, use the toilet and shower and the things in the kitchen you could get to without opening anything then?

It is a fact that people will go into cupboards and drawers whilst they are in a borrowed caravan and you can't stop them.

Some will do it to find things/ space they need and stop when they've found it, others will carry on just to be nosey, either way you can't restrict what they see unless you lock it up.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

OP has stated she leaves clear, open shelves for guests.

And again, there is a big difference between opening a cupboard in a communal area, saying, oh it's full and closing it than going through all storage, communal area or not.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Bearbehind - you were talking about people having a good old snoop through the cupboards, just to satisfy their curiosity - not people looking in a bedroom cupboard for bedlinen/a bathroom cupboard for loo roll/a kitchen cupboard or drawer for the mugs/saucepans/cutlery etc. Can you honestly not see the difference?

If someone has permission to use the owner's bedlinen, for example, and the owner has forgotten to tell them where that is stored, then it is fair enough to assume they have the owner's permission to look for the linen - but once they've found the bedding, they stop looking - and they shouldn't use it as an excuse to snoop through other stuff (in my opinion).

And it seem pretty obvious to me that allowing someone to use your holiday home means they will need to use the kitchen equipment, which will mean they will need to look in the cupboards for things - the kitchen is a communal area.

And since I always take my own loo roll with me, and my own toiletries and towels, I would be perfectly capable of showering and going to the loo without looking in a single bathroom cupboard. I might look in them at the end of the stay, to find cleaning products to leave the bathroom as I found it - but again, that is not snooping.