Fairly sure that a family member has gone routing through our caravan, are we overreacting?

[NotActuallyAMum]

We’ve got a static caravan, it’s very much our second home full of our belongings which we leave in it to save us carrying everything to and fro

Because we’re not going this weekend (a rarity) one of my brothers asked if he could go today for a long weekend, which was fine by us. He then asked if his DD and her DP could go yesterday, which again we didn’t have a problem with. When we left last weekend we cleared some space for them to put their stuff on – plenty of room for them, especially as they will eat/go out most of the time. We gave his DD and her DP a key earlier in the week and told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there as there’s another key in the caravan but it’s hidden and they won’t find it

My brother has just phoned to say that his DDs DP has found the key – he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

The key was in a cupboard in one of those ‘safe tins’ that looks like a tin of food – we just can’t believe he found it, there is loads of storage space in the caravan. OK he may have gone straight to the cupboard that it was in and found it pretty much straight away but really what are the chances of that?

DH and I are absolutely fuming and we want to say something, what would you do?

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

YANBU.

This is made worse by it being your niece's boyfriend who you don't know rather than a relative who you do.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Queen, they didn't need the key.

[KatieKaye]

Why shouldn't OP keep her private stff there and expect visitors not to go rooting around? Is it so very strange not to want some mannerless man to go through your knicker drawer in search of a key he doesn't even need just for the "thrill" of it?
Who would expect anyone would do such a rude thing, far less someone you'd offered free accommodation to?
I don't expect visitors to my home to go poking around in the bathroom cupboards when go for a pee. It's the same thing, which is being polite and respectful.

[Verystickypaws]

There's a couple of rental properties and a couple of mobile homes that are used between my family and Inlaws. In one of the actual buildings there's a bedroom that we're not meant to use and it does have the owners stuff in them. We are expected to use whatever we find in the other bedrooms or communal living spaces. The family will let us sleep in the master bedroom sometimes but we know it's full of their personal stuff. Then only use the free storage space.

Mobile homes have always been a help yourself situation, replace ketchup , coffee, beer, beans that you use then leave it clean. They're so small it doesn't take much searching to find anything. One of those fake cans would stand out a mile in a wardrobe, or under seat. In the kitchen it would be perfectly normal to open a cupboard. I wouldn't expect private personal and no go areas in a mobile home. Both mobile homes we use have plenty of possessions in them but it's hard to avoid contact.

To me it sounds like different expectations. To him it's just a small holiday weekend place, occasional temporary residency. To you, its your regular weekend home.

[EurotrashGirl]

My brother would have reacted exactly the same way (seeing it as a challenge and looking for the key until he found it). I don't blame you for being annoyed, but I think "absolutely fuming" is a bit of an over reaction. I agree with the posters who say you should stop letting other people stay if you feel this strongly about it.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

The niece's boyfriend had no reason to go into that bedroom other than to turn on the electric.

A bedroom is clearly not communal space.

[KatieKaye]

Does your brother generally have difficulties in accepting boundaries, Eurotrash?
Or does he just have no concept of the idea of privacy?

[OnlyLovers]

I find this 'seeing it as a challenge' thing utterly bizarre. What's wrong with people?

[SoonToBeSix]

Surely you would just tell them the location of the key, very strange. Yabu

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

It was a spare key.

[Deverethemuzzler]

Would anyone be happy if someone did this in their house?
If you let someone stay in your house for a weekend and they spent it fosseking through your stuff to prove a point?

OP YANBU.

It would piss me off.

You took the time to make space for them and gave them a free holiday. Caravan breaks are not cheap at this time of year. I hope they paid for their electric and gas btw.

[Deverethemuzzler]

I am also wondering if some of the posters on here have a clue how much it takes to run a static?

I work an extra day a week to pay for mine.

[Nomama]

I wasn't even thinking about all of that, Devere.

I was just thinking that if it bothers OP so much then she needs to stop being so nice and generous. Nothing you do for others should make you feel like that.

In this instance I might be able to dismiss it as amusing. But as OP can't she needs to protect herself and her second home from such unwelcome intrusions.

Anything else is by the by, I thought!

[Deverethemuzzler]

Thing is, most people I know who have a static are happy to share it with friends and family when they are not in it.
Its sitting there empty and you want people to make use of it.

I think that people tend to take advantage because they are clueless about how much it all costs.

I let certain people use mine but I am really careful. I had someone who wouldn't give me the time of day coming up to me a while ago dropping huge hints about my 'van.

I just pretended I didn't get the hint

[slithytove]

Yanbu, they were rude

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Do most people who use a property that they know belongs to someone else go into a bedroom in that property for the sole purpose of looking through it?

Because I don't think it's "uptight" to have found that unexpected and be pissed off by it. It's not like they broke a mug by accident and OP is ranting - it was a deliberate act to do something counter to the house rules of the host, who he barely knew.

If your DD's boyfriend came round and you said "we've got a great hiding place for our spare key - I'm off out now" - would you expect him to look through the house for it because he was curious?

Wtf?

[phantomnamechanger]

they were very rude and I would not be letting them use my caravan again - I would just say "sorry, no" if they asked, and if they suggested other dates or asked what was wrong I would tell them straight - "sorry we don't like the idea that people staying in our second home feel they have the right to root through all our stuff"

they did not need the spare key, they had NO IDEA where in the caravan it was, it is very unlikely they went straight to that cupboard and got lucky - even if they did they had already been rudely rummaging in the OPs room, in cupboards very obviously full of personal stuff not run of the mill kitchen bits

unless the BF is psychic and went straight to the key on auto pilot and without actually "seeing" anything else

[phantomnamechanger]

who would be OK with the idea of their nieces adult BF , or a total stranger, rummaging through their knicker drawer (and I bet he did) and seeing their birth control/sexy undies/sex toys etc

[Bearbehind]

who would be OK with the idea of their nieces adult BF , or a total stranger, rummaging through their knicker drawer (and I bet he did) and seeing their birth control/sexy undies/sex toys etc

You are hardly going to leave stuff like that in caravan you let other people use FFS.

This isn't someone's house.

If you let people stay in a caravan you have to accept they have free reign of the place- they might not all deliberately rummage like the DN's DP did but they will all have a good look round- fact.

The difference is some people will admit it and others won't.

[Deverethemuzzler]

It is like a house unless it is a holiday let.

The OP's van is not a holiday let. Its full of her stuff and she kindly lent it to someone. She didn't rent it out.

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

My in laws had a house that they bought for retirement, until they retired it was up for grabs for weekend stays.

They used it a fair bit themselves at weekends and had a lot of stuff there as it was ultimately going to be their home.

Somehow i managed not to go through all their things when I stayed there...

I doubt the OP had sex toys there, but so what? She may well have bras and would prefer this stranger not to know her cup size. She may have migraine meds there but doesn't see why a guy she's met a couple of times needs to know her medical conditions. She may have her childhood bunny rabbit that no one knows she's kept. It's all none if his business.

[KatieKaye]

You might have to accept that a few ill mannered idiots would go raking around their GFs aunts caravan, but the majority of polite considerate people would never dream of it.

No difference if it is your home, a caravan or even a handbag left in a room your not in. Nobody has the right to go rummaging around in somebody else's stuff. And those who do so are pig ignorant.

[slithytove]

I don't think that's true bear

I stayed at a family friends holiday villa recently. They do not rent it out. It is their holiday home.

I did not feel the urge or need to go into their bedroom, or look through their private things even once.

I don't see this situation as being any different, and think the DP was very rude. Even more so since he isn't family!

OP - have you met him? How old is he?

[slithytove]

And at our villa, we have booze, underwear, toiletries including some medicines, and other bits that are ours. Nothing hugely embarrassing, but nothing I want other people to rummage through.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I am with you, slithy - Bearbehind will doubtless conclude that I am lying! but if I was offered the use of someone's holiday home, there is no way I would snoop through their things!

Frankly, the 'everyone does it' argument smacks of the person using it wanting to believe everyone has the same low standards as them - because if they accept that some people do actually behave better, they might have to consider that perhaps their behaviour isn't acceptable.