Fairly sure that a family member has gone routing through our caravan, are we overreacting?

[NotActuallyAMum]

We’ve got a static caravan, it’s very much our second home full of our belongings which we leave in it to save us carrying everything to and fro

Because we’re not going this weekend (a rarity) one of my brothers asked if he could go today for a long weekend, which was fine by us. He then asked if his DD and her DP could go yesterday, which again we didn’t have a problem with. When we left last weekend we cleared some space for them to put their stuff on – plenty of room for them, especially as they will eat/go out most of the time. We gave his DD and her DP a key earlier in the week and told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there as there’s another key in the caravan but it’s hidden and they won’t find it

My brother has just phoned to say that his DDs DP has found the key – he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

The key was in a cupboard in one of those ‘safe tins’ that looks like a tin of food – we just can’t believe he found it, there is loads of storage space in the caravan. OK he may have gone straight to the cupboard that it was in and found it pretty much straight away but really what are the chances of that?

DH and I are absolutely fuming and we want to say something, what would you do?

After allowing my 18 yr old DNephew and his mate to stay at our caravan for a weekend I have become very particular about who stays in ours.

It wasn't the plastic saucepan with bean residue left in the sink for a week.
It wasn't the sand all over the living room that he neglected to Hoover up.
It wasn't even the empty beer cans left in the shed rather than put in the bin a whole 50 yds away.

No. It was the photo on FB of him with one of my bras on his head.

Yep. Not really that happy (either with the photo or the fact that my tits are the same size as a grown mans head)

Bearbehind - I think there is a big difference between having a look round and rooting through everything to search for something you don't even need.

Littlewhitebag - it is clear from this thread that some people, including you, are very relaxed about their holiday homes, and others see them more as an extension of home and would be as unhappy to have people rooting through cupboards and drawers in a holiday home as they would in their proper home.

So in my mind, the polite thing to do is to assume the latter, and not to go rooting through your hosts' personal stuff - you aren't going to offend or upset someone by being more respectful of their stuff than they expect you to be, whereas you could offend them by being less respectful than they'd want. Does that make sense?

But the OP said 'you'll never find it'

In an empty caravan that's not a statement- it's a challenge.

It's not the same as your main home- it's a caravan with much less clutter and the key was in a tin of beans in the bedroom FFS.

you are overeacting, since you ask.

it is not impossible that they guessed quite quickly where the key was, if it was in one of those fake tins that have been around for ever. really beyond me why you would not just tell them where it was when you gave them the other key. or only let them have one key, or not have an extra cut for about 3 quid. or worry about people potentially looking through a few cupboards for something.

OP, I was wondering if you are the same poster who offered use of their caravan to a colleague and then got into a delicate situation re: offer made vs dates taken? If so, I think you need to stop trying to be generous with it, as it clearly causes you far too much stress.

I wouldn't see 'I'll ring you and let you know where they key is - you'll never find it' as a challenge. It isn't a reason to overstep someone else's boundaries in such an invasive manner.

If she had said, "Oooh - I bet you'll never find the key - we've hidden it so well!!' - that sounds like a challenge - what the OP said just didn't.

If you lend out your caravan to someone with DCs, every cranny will be explored.

People are going to open every draw and cupbord to see what equipment there is and where to put their things.

If you lend out your caravan to someone with DCs, every cranny will be explored.

People are going to open every draw and cupbord to see what equipment there is and where to put their things.

There was absolutely no need for the OP to 'direct' them to the key- as you said- it's a caravan not the fecking Crystal Maze- she could have told them exactly where it was.

They might have been looking for a 'safe' place to hide things themselves or they might have decided to actively search out they key.

Either way, someone finding a blatantly obvious food tin containing a key in a bedroom of a caravan you've chosen to allow visitors to stay in doesn't register on my list of things to stress out about

I'm on the fence.

I'm sure he meant no harm OP- but I hate people going through my personal belongings.

Maybe it would be just easier in the future to not let your family use it or take things home with you. I'm a bit confused as to why you couldn't just tell them where the spare key was though??

YANBU, I'd find that rude too.

Posted too soon....

There's a difference between a holiday home you've rented and can explore as you like and borrowing someone else's place that they've lent you as a favour with all their stuff in it. Basic manners and boundaries.

for goodness sake...all this is all very arch

"you phone me, I'll tell you about the secret key!"

and now you are having a few days to think about what to say after canvassing popular opinion....

I'd have said "if you need it the spare key is in one of those tins in the bedroom behind the beer, call if you get stuck."

and when db called to say the caravan was ransacked if I had felt the need to say anything, I'd have said there and then ...."well that was a bit rude considering all you had to do was call"

No drama, no fuss. Simples.

Some interesting comments, I do appreciate your input folks

CheeseToastie123 yes that was me, well remembered. You probably have a point, on the (rare) occasion that we're not using it we should probably leave it empty, but then that seems unfair on the people who have gone and been absolutely fine

The comment I made about the key was that my brother already knew that he needed to phone me about it because "it's hidden and he won't find it". I definitely did not say it as a challenge. As SDTG says, I didn't say "Oooh - I bet you'll never find the key - we've hidden it so well". My brother was quite happy to ring me when he got there - it was his DDs DP (who, as I have already said my DH and I hardly know) who went looking for it. My brother didn't even know he'd done it until he phoned me, it was only when he went to walk towards the bedroom that his DDs DP shouted up that he'd found the key

The only reason they had to go into our bedroom at all was to put the electric on when they first got there, and it's not like they'd never seen the caravan before - they had a weekend there last year

I think MintyCoolMojito makes a good point too - "Yes I'll open a drawer or a cupboard in the bedroom, but it's to check if it's one that she's cleared or not. If it's got things in it, then it gets closed again - I don't pull everything out to have a good neb"

do you offer to let other people stay at your house when you're at your caravan and it's empty?

Honestly, you are under no obligation to give other people a free holiday because you've paid out for a holiday.

FYI - we don't have a holiday ohme, but quite a few family members do. On the odd occasion I've stayed, I've treated it as well as possible, cleaned before leaving, cut the grass for them, and only once went into the 'master bedroom' as that had the book cases in and I'd run out of books to read, but other than that, wouldn't invaid their privacy by routing.

Your DN's DP was the one who went routing, not a child, but a grown up. This isn't acceptable.

How do you hide things in a caravan when surely the very nature of them being tiny means there's no room for secrets or privacy?

And to hide something in pretend tin that looks exactly like a pretend tin??? Its the first place a person would look.

It very much sounds as if you have been setting people up to fail so you can hoik your bosom and say - well you won't be allowed back.

Good point about people staying at our MaryWestmacott LOL but we let people go because we don't mind people using it when we're not going. There are only a handful of weekends a year when we don't go and it's when my DH is on a certain shift so everyone knows when those weekend are. We honestly don't have a problem with people going

There are lots of places to hide things in a 37ft x 12ft caravan, and we certainly have NOT set anyone up to fail! Plenty of people have gone and been absolutely fine

It would depend. If my husband goes looking for something, the whole room looks like it's been ransacked by a mob of burglars. If he's tipped everything out, I'd be v pissed off.

If he's left it so I'd never have known if they hadn't told me, not so much.

It's the potential mess aspect that would get me.

Granny - it was a pretend tin that was hidden behind/under other stuff, and not with the other tins of food - so only 'obvious' when you had rooted through all that other stuff and/or moved it.

And how on earth was she 'setting him up to fail'? He is an adult who surely knows that someone's holiday caravan is not a challenge on the Crystal Maze. The key wasn't lost, and the OP wasn't refusing to tell them where it was. She hadn't issued any challenges - she hadn't even spoken to the dd's dp about the key at all - he had no responsibility for finding the key whatsoever.

He was a stranger to the OP, and still thought it was appropriate to go rooting through her belongings.

I must be very out of touch. When people stay in my house I don't expect them to go through my cupboards and wardrobes to look at my stuff, I just don't. And I doubt they do, either.

That was a grumpy post from me, and I apologise.

I will say no more because I articulate what I want to say.

Plenty of people have gone and been absolutely fine

No- plenty of people have gone and not told you've they've had a nosey around and you've had no reason to suspect differently.

I remember your previous thread and I do think you are too precious about your caravan to be allowing others to use it.

The bloke from work was taking liberties in the other thread but ultimately it's didn't actually affect your use of the place- likewise in this instance, if they had it told you about the key you'd be none the wiser about where they'd been looking.

Do you really not let guests use 'your' bedroom when they go and stay there? I'd want to stay in the nicest room if it was empty.

Yes people do use our room but as my brother was going over a day later my niece didn't want to swap rooms to make way for her parents, which makes perfect sense to me

There's surely a difference between 'having a nosy around' and purposely hunting for something you don't need and refusing to give up until you find it

But surely they did need the key otherwise why would it have even been mentioned and why were they supposed to call you to find out where it was?