Fairly sure that a family member has gone routing through our caravan, are we overreacting?

[NotActuallyAMum]

We’ve got a static caravan, it’s very much our second home full of our belongings which we leave in it to save us carrying everything to and fro

Because we’re not going this weekend (a rarity) one of my brothers asked if he could go today for a long weekend, which was fine by us. He then asked if his DD and her DP could go yesterday, which again we didn’t have a problem with. When we left last weekend we cleared some space for them to put their stuff on – plenty of room for them, especially as they will eat/go out most of the time. We gave his DD and her DP a key earlier in the week and told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there as there’s another key in the caravan but it’s hidden and they won’t find it

My brother has just phoned to say that his DDs DP has found the key – he “saw it as a challenge when you said he wouldn’t find it and he wasn’t going to give up until he did”

The key was in a cupboard in one of those ‘safe tins’ that looks like a tin of food – we just can’t believe he found it, there is loads of storage space in the caravan. OK he may have gone straight to the cupboard that it was in and found it pretty much straight away but really what are the chances of that?

DH and I are absolutely fuming and we want to say something, what would you do?

[NotActuallyAMum]

I offered them a second key for when my brother got there in case they (i.e. my brother and his DD) wanted to go out separately, they didn't ask for a second one I just thought it would be a nice idea - wish I hadn't bothered now...

My niece and her DP definitely didn't need the key

[NotActuallyAMum]

...definitely didn't need the second key

[Bearbehind]

But your brother was there when he called so maybe they wanted to go out separately straight away.

Many of us think you are BU but you're never going to be convinced. You had an opportunity to say something when you were told what had happened, bringing it up at a later date will just sound churlish.

You really need to stop letting people stay if it causes you this much stress- I'd virtually guarantee the work colleagues had a good old nosey around when they went- they just didn't tell you.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I've just discussed this with DD (17). She and I both agree that it's very rude. If you're lucky enough to borrow someone's holiday home, then you leave things alone unless you need them.

You don't need to go into the bedroom that you're not using, open a cupboard and root through stuff. You may need to go in and flick a switch. That's all. There was room for their stuff.

I disagree that you shouldn't let it out again, OP. Just be a bit more choosy whom you allow to go and perhaps make the rules a bit more specific! Don't rely on people knowing how to behave.

[OnlyLovers]

Ah, Cheese got there first but I was wondering whether you were the same poster as in ColleaguecaravanGate too .

I think this is fecking rude. 'saw it as a challenge'? Is he a child?

Looking through cupboards and tins in a caravan that you know is like another home to someone is very different from checking out the coffee tins in a more impersonal rented caravan or house. It's akin to going through the drawers etc in someone's house.

I'd text back 'It wasn't a challenge and we don't appreciate people going through our personal stuff' and not let them stay again.

But I'd also not do the second key thing again: either give it to a neighbour at the caravan site or don't have a second key.

[NotActuallyAMum]

"But your brother was there when he called so maybe they wanted to go out separately straight away" yes because my brother and I had agreed between us beforehand that he would ring me when he got there, he didn't have a problem with that. Believe me I really do massively wish I'd said something at the time but I was too gobsmacked

I'm still on the fence as to whether to say anything, yes many have said IABU but many have also said I'm not...

We're not going to stop letting people stay that's just not fair on everyone else

[NotActuallyAMum]

ColleaguecaravanGate

Next time someone might need a second key (unlikely TBH, first time it's ever happened) we'll bring it home with us and give it to them before they go

[Bearbehind]

You originally said that you'd told your DN to tell your DB to call so you'd agreed it with her not him

Sumantics I know, but if you had agreed it with DB maybe he challenged DN to find it?

Either way, even those who agree it's rude to have a nosey around which I do but I'd probably still do it don't necessarily think you should raise it with them.

[NotActuallyAMum]

I said I "told them that my brother needs to ring us when he gets there" my brother already knew that, OK I didn't say that in my OP, but my niece knew that my brother already knew that

My brother definitely didn't challenge anyone to find it, he didn't know they had found it until he phoned me when he got there - I had just started telling him where it was when he said "Oh, they've already got it..."

[Bearbehind]

Jeez- so instead of just saying the spare key is in a tin in the bottom of our wardrobe you told 2 sets of people that someone would need to call you in order to find out where it is- unnecessarily complicated or what?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Complicated? Yes, a bit. Unnecessarily complicated? Maybe. But that is still not a valid excuse to go rooting through someone else's possessions in a Crystal Maze-type challenge, Bearbehind.

[postcardofagoldenretriever]

Surely it isn't just about then going through the OP's stuff but also about them deliberately ignoring her instructions when she was already doing them a massive favour.

I mean, if someone was allowing me to use their caravan/holiday house/whatever and asked me to ring them so they could talk me through what to do about something, I'd do it, because it's not only just basic courtesy but to do anything otherwise would be extremely rude when they were doing me a favour. It isn't a "challenge" FFS, it's respecting what someone has asked you to do.

YADNBU OP, I would be massively pissed off with the DD's DP and all of them, and they wouldn't be using the caravan again (and if any of then asked, I'd say "because last time DD and her DP ignored my instructions".

[NotActuallyAMum]

It wasn't a case of "telling 2 sets of people", my niece asked "had I spoken to Dad about when he's going" If she hadn't asked that question the subject of the spare key wouldn't have even come up. I do wish I hadn't mentioned it though, there was probably no need to mention it to her when her Dad already knew. I wish I hadn't!

[OnlyLovers]

Surely it isn't just about then going through the OP's stuff but also about them deliberately ignoring her instructions when she was already doing them a massive favour ... it's not only just basic courtesy but to do anything otherwise would be extremely rude when they were doing me a favour. It isn't a "challenge" FFS, it's respecting what someone has asked you to do.

All of this.

[Tinpin]

It may be a bit thoughtless but it's hardly the crime of the century. You haven't said how old this boy is . If he is still quite young and only used to staying in rented holiday homes he may genuinely not have equated your caravan as a second home. I think there are very few people who would go into someones house and nosey through their cupboards but (probably wrongly )people may well view a caravan they are borrowing for the weekend differently ie there will be nothing personal here so it doesn't matter if we have a look round.

[QuintessentiallyQS]

Two issues:

1. They were asked to call so you could tell them were the key was, this in itself should be enough for them to know that they were not to go rummaging.
   

1. There is a massive difference between opening a cupboard and seeing it is full and then shut it again as you realize it is full and you cant put your own stuff there, and deliberately go through all the contents of cupboards and drawers.
   

That dp is an ill mannered oaf.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Tinpin - the boy is described as the dp of the OP's niece - that sounds like an adult relationship, and I am assuming that he is a grown up, not a child. Old enough to know better.

[ItMustBeBedtimeSurely]

YANBU. At all. Having a quick peek around, sure, you'd expect that. Pulling stuff out and searching I their bedroom. Incredibly rude.

No way would I let them borrow the caravan again.

[Tinpin]

I was thinking he could be about 17 - young enough to be thoughtless but he may be 35!

[starfishmummy]

Yanbu.

You said that you would tell them where to find it, I would not take that to mean I could go rummaging everywhere.

[KatieKaye]

Incredibly rude. I would definitely not let them stay again. It is just abusing your hospitality. They knew you'd moved your stuff to make cupboard space do they knew you kept personal belongings. There is no excuse for this sort of behaviour. Intrusive, disrespectful and terribly ignorant.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

My 17 year old would not go through a stranger's possessions, if he was invited to stay in their holiday home. 17 is definitely old enough to know better!

[queenofthemountain]

If I were lending out holiday accommodation to people I wouldn't expect them to think there was private stuff there.
And what's with the key thing? Why didn't you just tell them where it was?

[queenofthemountain]

And what private stuff do you need to keep there?
dishmops? pans, spare blankets, deck chairs

[queenofthemountain]

Oh and I forgot to say, they were rooting through it to find the flipping key that you wouldn't sy where it was!