AIBU to think DH should have learned to drive?

[SisterMcKenzie]

He's pissed off with me because I'm not going to pick him up and the DC now.
I'm been guilted out by text atm

It's been 7 years at least since I bought him driving lessons.

His dad gave him numerous driving lessons 20 years back.

I passed my test at 17.

AIBU to think at over 40 he should have equal responsibility for driving?
btw we both work hours and earn similar hours

when did you learn FraidyCat?
even in the 90s you couldnt drive by yourself and the test is much much harder now

less than half pass first time round, three quarters pass by the second attempt

I live in the USA (am British) and I have never come across this here. So many places are completely inaccessible without a car. I'd say that applies for pretty much anywhere in the UK that isn't a major city/transport hub too.

No. Small and medium sized towns are completely doable without a car.

I think its sad that people are getting so reliant on cars and sad that the infrastructure of this country is going in that direction too, with retail parks and business parks out of town.

Britain's roads are overcrowded.

when did you learn FraidyCat?

I learned in the 80's, and not in the UK.

I'm bemused by the alleged expense/difficulty of learning to drive here. When I learned to drive it never crossed my mind to pay for lesson. I already had a motorcycle licence, and thought half-an-hour in an empty supermarket car park with my mother, learning to master a car clutch, was sufficient driving instruction. Then I just practised by driving everywhere. (Think it must have been legal to drive on my own with a learner licence, I certainly remember driving on my own to the test centre.)

That sounds lovely Fraidy, but realistically, you're looking at £40 for a two hour lesson or £160 a months. Practice with relatives is recommended but not as a substitute for formal tuition. You also have to pass a theory/hazard perception test which costs £31 prior to the practical test which costs £62.

It is illegal for learners to drive alone.

Your bemused is a bit insulting to those of us who are obstructed by cost and difficulty and your experience doesn't relate to learning to drive from scratch in the UK in 2014.

And I am actually impressed at you only taking half an hour to master the clutch. It took me over a hundred hours of tuition and I'm still not au fait withe the "bite" and still stalled a lot.

It's harder then you think and more expensive than you think.

Only skimmed thread so apologies if I missed or repeat anything.

Have two examples of this in RL. First, a friend whose husband is capable of driving, not scared or anything (happy to go out on his scooter, which is scarier to me than being in a car), but who never manages to prioritise getting a test booked and therefore can't share the driving - i.e. giving lifts to their two DC (4 and 8) who do a lot of activities. Both work fulltime. They do share transport responsibilities to a degree but the extra time that public transport takes means my friend often ends up doing more transporting than her DH as it's just quicker for her to drive and some of the activities their DC do wouldn't be possible if public transport was the only option. Both sets of GPs are also heavily involved in lift-giving, even though they live 40min/1hr away, which they freely admit wouldn't be the case if the H could drive. It seems unfair to me, especially as it's not just his wife who is affected, but they do seem to make it work by sharing other activities (e.g. housework) more evenly than some couples (e.g. DH and I!).

Second is my BIL. He has a bike license and is forever going on about being just about to do his car test - he's been saying this for about eight years so far, so not expecting it to happen soon. He can afford it, and can also drive - his girlfriend takes him out sometimes in her car so he can keep his hand in. I strongly suspect that a part of the reason he hasn't taken his test is because then he would have to drive and not rely on his girlfriend, us, or his mum for lifts. It's not my business, but it does get right up my nose when we see them and he is always having a drink and joking that whoever is giving him a lift on this occasion can't drink, ha ha, so he'll have an extra one for them (usually paid for by someone else too but that's another rant).

So I suppose my point is just that if it works for you and your family, whatever reason you have for not driving, then it's fine to be a non-driver, but if you're taking the piss, that is bloody annoying and unfair and I'm not going to give you lifts any more, 'dear' BIL. Rant over

missbattleaxe I think fraidy's experience is pretty much a kind of bemusement from us foreigners. I don't know how many hours I took to learn the clutch. But I know it was about 10 hours from starting to getting my license. And I remembered distinctly driving around the neighbourhood with lots of cars in my first lesson.

It is something we could probably never understand. As I said everyone in NZ drivers. You are basically housebound if you dont. It is nearly an hours walk from my childhood home to the nearest bus stop and I lived in Auckland! Hardly rural at all. My brother and I both drove to university. I car shared with friends who drove to school at 6th and 7th forms.

our road traffic accident death rates are about half new zealand's i think?

tbh i am absolutely fine with the level of difficulty of our driving test. i choose safe roads over convenience for bad drivers. although it really annoys me that people can come to the uk for a year before they need to change to a uk licence - meanwhile causing mayhem with their bad driving

I was married to a non-driver for a long time and, for most of it, it wasn't a problem: he liked walking and we had access to good public transport. However, it did become an issue as his parents became elderly and unable to drive. I had a commitment to my parents and did a lot for them & I felt he was being unreasonable in flatly refusing to take any lessons at all so he could share the work. It eventually became another crack in a crocked relationship. Interestingly, he ended up in Denver, Colorado so don't know how he coped as a non-driver in the States & whether it was an issue in his new relationship. Depends on the circs whether it's reasonable but I see it as a useful skill to have if you're in a relationship.

I actually moved from rural Wales to a large town in the South last year. Public transport was so much easier in Wales! And it was remote where we lived. Yes, there are regular buses into town here but fares are extortionate - and to go anywhere other than the town centre buses are very infrequent and connections don't co-ordinate so you end up waiting for ages. getting from one part of town to another takes ages because it needs 2 buses (the nearest town to our village in Wales was small and getting to the town centre meant everything was accessible). So I've found not being able to drive harder since we moved.

sanfairyanne the flip Sade of having no public transport is drink driving. It is horrible but many people drive home after a night of drinking. There were road blocks and breath tests every weekend evening when I lived in NZ. Don't imagine it has changed.

UK driving tests are hard and yes they require hours of tuition (for most people) but that's not bemusing, it means our roads are safer than most other places!

I think that the problem is that the best time to learn to drive is as near to 17 as possible. To do that means prioritising driving lessons ahead of other things. For some, parents might be able (and willing) to pay for lessons. For others it might mean getting a job and saving up.

Lessons are expensive and when you are 17 there are better things to spend what little money you have on. Of course at 17 you arent driving so dont feel the lack IYSWIM.

I would be keen to see if there was a way in which there could be more state support for people to learn to drive. Rightly so, passing the driving test has got a lot harder than when I passed mine (I just had to not run over the man with the red flag!). This makes it far more expensive than it ever was.

Yabu I'm sorry but drivings not for everyone.

10 hours Toddle??! I've had nearly 40 hours of formal tuition and at least the same of informal practice and I still don't have my licence. You must be a natural.

Gnome I didn't prioritise other things over driving when I was 17, well unless you count going to university and prioritising rent and food over driving lessons and buying a car!

And good on you fraidy mastering the clutch in half an hour. Does it really bemuse you that other people have taken longer than that 100 hours

toddle passed in new zealand i think

Oh I know sanfairy but it obviously only took 10 hours to be able to drive. Whether the test is different or now, I was still crawling round the industrial estate after 10 hours!

Yes. I exchanged my NZ license to a UK one when I got here. I'm just saying that in many places everyone drives and that maybe the incentive to pass and that the culture of believing everyone could do it helps. I don't know where fraidy learned though.

Also we start at 15 so I think that helped a lot. I think we just learn motor skills better when younger. Like riding a bike or swimming. Doesn't take a child long to learn cycling but try teaching it to a 30yo!

There was a restricted license when we passed where we can't drive at night or take passengers unless it's an adult. It is to ensure safe driving from young teens. (Obviously you get irresponsible parents who don't try to enforce it). Not sure if they still do that.

I suppose if everyone has a car Toddle everyone can start learning in their parents' car? Which helps. Are they autos or manuals usually?

Agree about the motor skills. I wish I could have learned at 15/16/17 but wasn't possible.

I was a very terrible driver when I had my license though. Took me a year on the road to be actually good. nugget I don't think I'm a natural. Just lots of inflated sense of belief when I was young. I remember getting stuck in multi-storey car parks, scratching all the car doors, a bonnet that wouldn't close because I hit the bumper too many times. The best I did was knocking a wing mirror from a parked car when driving down a road! But then I didn't have any real accidents so I guess I wasn't a danger on the road

So I'm sure you probably can drive better after your 40 hours than when I passed.

its mostly standards/skills imo
new zealand has lower standards/driving skills and a higher death rate. new zealand maybe also has a lot more rural roads and less people on them so perhaps good driving skills are not as important? just a guess

in some countries, you just bribe the guy doing the test

in other countries you just need to drive forwards and round a corner (maybe it was India? it was on tv a while ago)

but you pay for those lower standards with a higher death rate