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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think DH should have learned to drive?

219 replies

SisterMcKenzie · 04/07/2014 20:19

He's pissed off with me because I'm not going to pick him up and the DC now.
I'm been guilted out by text atm Hmm

It's been 7 years at least since I bought him driving lessons.

His dad gave him numerous driving lessons 20 years back.

I passed my test at 17.

AIBU to think at over 40 he should have equal responsibility for driving?
btw we both work hours and earn similar hours

OP posts:
TheHouseCleaner · 04/07/2014 21:09

"I married a driver and I actually respect him much more because of it."

Now you see, to me that's a peculiar reason for respecting someone. Confused

Sillylass79 · 04/07/2014 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dolcelatte · 04/07/2014 21:10

YANBU. People can live without the internet but most choose not to. Unless you live in the middle of a city with good public transport, if you have DC it involves driving or spending a fortune on taxis. Why should you do it all?

You already have the car and if he has had some lessons already, why is it such a big deal for him to take his test? If you are not careful, you will still be chauffeuring him around when he is an OAP!

shockinglybadteacher · 04/07/2014 21:12

Some people can't drive, just can't. I had a course of lessons and I had an instructor specially for people who were nervous/shy etc. She told me after 10 lessons to give up as it was never going to happen. That was £150 down the drain for something I couldn't physically achieve, so I haven't bothered trying again. It's not always just laziness, and it isn't something which makes you a "proper adult" either.

sanfairyanne · 04/07/2014 21:17

i prefer that those who are really anxious or bad drivers dont drive - keeps the roads safer Smile

so long as there is no needy expectation of lifts (mil i am thinking of you!)

x2boys · 04/07/2014 21:23

I,m not sure I don't drive I also had lots of lessons when I was younger I never took the test dh drives and I regard the car as the family car I also pay for the petrol,upkeep ,mot road tax also my dad gave us the car but tbh we can't really afford for me to have lessons or too afford two cars.

x2boys · 04/07/2014 21:26

Sorry what I meant to say was both wages got to pay for petrol upkeep of the car etc.

pigwitch · 04/07/2014 21:31

YABU. You aren't just picking him up but also your children?

If he doesn't want to drive that's his choice. ( another driving phobic here!)
If he has the children then its only fair you pick him up if your able. If he was on his own then it's reasonable to expect him to make own way home.

Dolcelatte · 04/07/2014 21:32

Driving is a basic life skill. I know several people who have failed multiple tests but they persevered and got there in the end, and are probably the safest drivers I know. A lot of people find driving stressful to start with, but most can overcome these fears and pass their tests. I accept that there may be a small minority who can't, but if you haven't even tried how can you know you are one of them.

I don't particularly enjoy driving, just as I don't like swimming - both are scary when you are out of your comfort zone, but you need to stick with it, grit your teeth and succeed - you will be all the prouder for having overcome your anxieties. Driving gives you independence and freedom.

magpiegin · 04/07/2014 21:34

It depends how you split other tasks in the household and whether he is always demanding lifts. There appear to be lots of women who don't drive on here and that seems ok...

TheBloodManCometh · 04/07/2014 21:36

I personally think if you can* learn to drive, you should.
It's hugely limiting and potentially selfish to not be able to.

*can as in physically, mentally and financially able

sanfairyanne · 04/07/2014 21:37

but how did the dh get there in the first place?

pigwitch · 04/07/2014 21:41

Dolcelatte - yes it's that simple Hmm
Many people have driving phobia and just the thought of having a driving lesson brings them out in a cold sweat. It honestly has nothing to do with perseverance. Some people just aren't 'made' to drive. End of. It doesn't make them a failure or any less of an adult.

Sillylass79 · 04/07/2014 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sanfairyanne · 04/07/2014 21:44

you havent met my mil then Grin

plenty of (older gemeration) people (women) quite like being driven around
like they are the queenHmm

Andrewofgg · 04/07/2014 21:45

There are some people who recognise in themselves an unfitness to drive and that should be respected.

About a year before we married my DW had an epileptic attach and for eleven years was off the road, including five after DS was born, and I had to be the chauffeur. It was just part of the division of work.

Debs75 · 04/07/2014 21:45

My DP doesn't drive and it does piss me off. I drive us all over the country on holidays and days out and on nights out. He has mentioned driving but hasn't the inclination to get off his arse and get a provisional license.
It would be nice to have the option to have a drink on a night out knowing he can drive home or to have a lovely day at the beach and then sleep on the way home like the rest of the family.
It would be worse if he could drive but refused to like me dsis and dfriend. Both hate driving on unfamiliar roads and leave it up to their dh's. Nights out are amusing as they will rush to the bar to get an alcoholic drink so the dh then has to stay sober

MarianForrester · 04/07/2014 21:46

YANBU. Adults should drive or accept that they are responsible for getting themselves from A to B.

Non drivers expecting to be chauffeured around really pisses me off.

Oakmaiden · 04/07/2014 21:46

Need more information really, before we can say whether or not he is being unreasonable in his request for a lift, but he is not unreasonable not to drive.

Where is he? Are the children with him? How would he normally get home? Why does he feel he needs a lift today?

And, have you not reposted in 25 minutes because you have gone to collect him? Grin

glenthebattleostrich · 04/07/2014 21:48

I can't drive. I am not safe behind the wheel and is it bollocks a life skill. Cooking is a life skill not the ability to manouver a couple of tonnes of metal!

That said, if I need to get somewhere I manage, if that means getting a cab so be it. I don't expect lifts and do often turn them down.

drudgetrudy · 04/07/2014 21:49

Yes, easier said than done for some people. I failed my test 6 times and eventually passed. I have driven for years but have never stopped f*ing hating it!
I think I am a very poor judge of speed and distance.
I now drive locally but will no longer put myself through the hell of motorways and unfamiliar cities.
I am not generally a wuss. No fear of flying, any animal, medical procedures etc.- Driving- frigging terrified!

Dolcelatte · 04/07/2014 21:52

Pigwitch, I didn't say it was simple, but that with perseverance most people can learn to drive and that it is in their own interest to do so, especially if they have DC. What if one of them needed to go to hospital as an emergency and the driving spouse wasn't there? Yes, you could order a taxi or an ambulance bit there would be no guarantee that it would arrive quickly.

magpiegin · 04/07/2014 22:01

I was a horribly nervous driver, it took 6 tests to pass and I cried in my commute every day for months but I knew I had to do it. It wasn't fair on my husband and knew we'd struggle with kids. I now class myself as a good driver, and although I don't actively enjoy it I am confident enough to drive anywhere.

3 years ago I would have told you I 'couldn't' drive.

Jengnr · 04/07/2014 22:05

Another vote for life skill here. Obviously there are some people who can't drive due to illness or disability but those that can should.

GnomeDePlume · 04/07/2014 22:09

I dont think that driving can be equated with other chores. My DH does all most of the ironing. However if for any reason something is needed then I am capable of ironing. The OP's DH is not capable of driving. This means that all planned and emergency driving falls to the OP. Every single time