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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

374 replies

cocktail82 · 03/07/2014 13:43

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

OP posts:

bubalou · 03/07/2014 17:02

It's up to the individual.

I personally don't care and DH could go and see as many as he wanted but that is our relationship. I'm not a jealous person and neither is DH.

It's up to you really at the end of the day but the more you forbid it the more 'great' it will sound. James are he will sit there and think it's sleazy and overrated.

Misspilly88 · 03/07/2014 17:05

I think you're BU. I don't have a problem with strip clubs at all and I absolutely wouldn't dictate to my dh which parts of his friends stag do he is 'allowed'to go to. I've actually been in quite a few when travelling with a large group of guys and it really wasn't anything to write home about. Just felt a bit sorry for all the girls.

sanfairyanne · 03/07/2014 17:07

just about my dh, not op
if they were his friends, honestly i would just be about his judgement in friends. tbh i would also be if his work went to strip clubs after work and that was their work culture
just not my world

Hakluyt · 03/07/2014 17:08

"Women go to chippendale concerts and the like, that is just seen as fun yet involves more "participation"."

Absolutely. Because so many of The Chippendales are trafficked,in the country illegally, enslaved to pimps and working to support a drug habit.

Finney2 · 03/07/2014 17:09

When he gets home, make sure you're sitting in the front room with an oiled, ripped, naked man. Turn the lights down, grab yourself a cocktail and turn the music up. Make sure he gyrates on your lap, and sticks his penis in your face just as your OH returns home. Don't touch him, mind! Sure that'll be completely acceptable.

My husband doesn't go to strip clubs because he thinks they're vile. Last time he went on a stag night, he told them he wasn't going because it was all a bit seedy and seven out of the 11 people there all went to a different pub with him because, as it turns out, they felt the same.

ChelsyHandy · 03/07/2014 17:11

TheAwfulDaughter in reply to YourBrotherInLaw

To be honest, those lefty blokes can be the worst people

Like Tommy Sheridan snigger

sanfairyanne · 03/07/2014 17:11

i really cant imagine we know anyone who would do that for a stag do, even friends of friends. i honestly cant think how - not through work, or social groups, or friends of friends
maybe because we are 40's?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 03/07/2014 17:12

You can be happy, sad, upset, angry, irritated, or not bothered. That's entirely for you as your own person.

If he doesn't agree you will have to find a way past your emotion. Or not. As his own person he can do what he likes.

ScarlettDragon · 03/07/2014 17:17

If it was my DH I would tell him that of course he could go darling, I wouldn't dream of stopping him. But expect to find all his belongings on the front porch on his return, the locks changed and I would have the divorce papers all ready for him to sign! He knows how I feel about these places so if he chooses to go it's him that's throwing away 20 years.

OP YANBU, and ignore any attempts to tell you that you are. You have told him how you feel. If he still chooses to go he is telling you how he feels about you and your relationship. That his need to see a naked woman dance in front of him is more important than your feelings and your relationship. He is also completely disrespecting you by dismissing the way you feel.

If he did go I would LTB.

PiperRose · 03/07/2014 18:00

It's not about envy, or competition with women who have so few good choices in life that getting by means you have to straddle a greasy bloke for 40 quid, it's about not wanting your partner to be supporting the sex industry- either with a dance or an overpriced pint

My best friend had a wealth of choices, she chose to go to university, she chose to take a well-paid, well-respected job to do during the week and then chose to dance semi-naked around a pole for an awful lot more money during the weekend. She wasn't exploited in any way. Again, I know there is horrendous exploitation in this industry but would like to reiterate that it's not all about exploitation.

Hakluyt · 03/07/2014 18:04

Don't tell me, she was doing it to fund her PhD........

TheAwfulDaughter · 03/07/2014 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PiperRose · 03/07/2014 18:13

No, most certainly not funding a PhD. She enjoyed it. Yeah some of the girls she worked with did it for the money, but because it was better paid than any of the other jobs they could have had. The club they worked at was definitely one of the better one's, they girls were drug tested regularly and anyone offering any 'extras' was sacked on the spot. So I don't feel we should condemn an entire industry and work-force just because parts of it are exploitative, how about we just sort out the bad bits?

We still all shop for clothes don't we?

Anyhoo, this is getting away from the thread.

ENormaSnob · 03/07/2014 18:17

I was offered a job in a strip club when i was 15.

TheAwfulDaughter · 03/07/2014 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PiperRose · 03/07/2014 18:21

Oh dear.

Andrewofgg · 03/07/2014 19:21

Some posters have remarked that the DH should not have friends like that.

I see the force of that, but people change over the years and it's difficult to break an old friendship because of a change in one aspect of his (or come to that her) behaviour. If it's someone you only see occasionally you may prefer to overlook that aspect of their life.

But DH should still respect OP's wishes and go elsewhere.

attheendoftheday · 03/07/2014 19:56

I would never dictate to my dp what he can and can't do, but he would significantly drop in my estimation if he went to a strip bar, and it would have a massive effect on my attraction to him.

It isn't about the cheating aspect per se, but I am hugely opposed to the sex industry, and I'm not sure I could be with someone who supported it.

KnackeredMuchly · 03/07/2014 20:09

Yabu OP, strip clubs are seedy and grotty but my DH would hate to

1 be told he couldnt do something
2 have to declare a moral stance on my behalf
3 miss a stag do activity.

Downamongtherednecks · 03/07/2014 20:19

It is disrespectful and appalling, not just to you, but to all women. YANBU to want your DH to keep away from a venue where trafficked teenagers are being sexually abused. I worked for a while with women who are in this situation. 100 percent of them take drugs. 100 percent. That figure still haunts me.

Waltonswatcher · 03/07/2014 20:30

My husband is at the age where an early night would be more appealing ... Not sure if this is a good thing or not !

PhaedraIsMyName · 03/07/2014 22:11

but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives

I'd prefer to have a man who had respect for all women and didn't attend a strip club simply for that reason not just because he has a wife.

Thefishewife · 03/07/2014 22:14

Op would you or have you ever gone to a dream boys type thing or ann summers party if so and you don't expect your oh to get up set then I don't think you should

AnyFucker · 03/07/2014 22:18

OP, I am sorry your husband is such a sad prick of a man

That's gotta hurt

RockandRollsuicide · 03/07/2014 22:22

one of the most considerate and liberal people I know, who is vegetarian because he cares about animal rights, a member of that anti-fascist movement Contradiction there...

what about porn how many men view watch read porn, most of them, watching films, do they turn over?

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