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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

374 replies

cocktail82 · 03/07/2014 13:43

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

OP posts:
PhaedraIsMyName · 04/07/2014 01:31

Morrisdancer the "must be jealous" comment is wearisome isn't it?

The whooshing noise you're hearing is the sound of a point going spectacularly over heads.

ILoveCoreyHaim · 04/07/2014 01:36

You dont have to pay for a dance, you can sit the bar.

The club my friend worked at sacked girls if they met blokes who came into the club outside of the club

most of he girls just seem to take the piss out the blokes who go in

they are not allowed to physically touch the girls in the club my friend worked in. Heard many stories about the dancers slapping men or them being escorted out for doing so.

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 04/07/2014 01:42

I can't think of a more depressing and boring place to go for a stag do to be honest.

My dh wouldn't dream of going as he's a mature adult and not in the cast of the inbetweeners and he has precious teen dds whose existance he would insult by going.

We also have 2 lads in their 20s and they wouldn't go either as prefer a fun night in a pub or an activity stag like paint balling etc.

Your dhs attitude is insulting and depressing op.

Yanbu.

Darkesteyes · 04/07/2014 01:48

Heat Closer = Bauer Media ,,,,,run mostly by male executives.
Vogue.........Conde Nast......run mostly by male executives.
Marie Claire .....IPC Southbank,,,,,,, ditto.

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 04/07/2014 01:48

Why would one human being want a complete strangers bottom sweat in their lap anyway!

Absolutely yeukky.

Darkesteyes · 04/07/2014 01:50

whatever your sex drive his is going to be greater

WHAT STEREOTYPICAL BULLSHIT.

PhaedraIsMyName · 04/07/2014 01:54

It's just that I see women as more demeaned and damaged by Heat, Closer, Vogue, Marie Claire

I think this might be male bovine droppings too.

Darkesteyes · 04/07/2014 01:59

Pheadra you always find that they use the womens mags and blame them and they ALWAYS forget that the executives at the very top are male and those executives are the ones who decide on the content.
I find it quite funny really that they never think it through before straw clutching.

And I don't read celebrity shit like Heat geek I cant stand it.

ApocalypseThen · 04/07/2014 06:25

It's just that I see women as more demeaned and damaged by Heat, Closer, Vogue, Marie Claire

I see women as more demeaned by the assumption that we need to be told what demeans us, and where they arose on the demean list.

AnyFucker · 04/07/2014 06:54

How sad that for some men the relative "success" of a stag do is measured by how much the person they profess to love and respect enough to pledge to spend the rest of their life with would hate it.

chrome100 · 04/07/2014 07:07

I wouldn't care if my DP went to a strip club but would care if he paid for a dance. I doubt that would happen though, as he has been to such places before and declared them "fucking weird".

I can see his point that if they're all going what is he going to do whilst waiting for them?

oohdaddypig · 04/07/2014 07:17

YANBU. Horrible, mysogynistic places.

Not all the men will want to go. There will be a good number of emotionally mature men who won't go in. i would hope your DH will make his decision based on your feelings.

chrome100 · 04/07/2014 07:19

My twin sister stripped her way through university. Trust me - she was not in any way exploited! She earned an absolute fortune, chose her hours, loved the work - she felt sorry for the men who would pay to see her dance.

oohdaddypig · 04/07/2014 07:22

By the way - my DH is in a (sad) work culture where groups of guys will go to strip clubs after successful work deals. He refuses to go in - and this attitude prevailed before he met me.

His rationale is that strip clubs are for men who are losers who are either unable to secure female attention any othe way or unable to maintain a proper physical and respectful relationship with their partner.

DH describes these these places as "sad".

oohdaddypig · 04/07/2014 07:32

mitnageek I read your post and just thought "thank fuck I'm married to my DH and not you*. We have to do so sthing our wives won't like? Why not grow up enough to reach secondary school age?

oldglitter based on many issues recently, I honestly believe attitudes to women are worsening now. At least you had optimism in the 70s. I find it all so depressing.

ModernUrbanSnowman · 04/07/2014 07:40

ApocalypseThen, I didn't try to tell you what you should think. I tried to tell you what I think.
You dont need to read the celebrity shit for it to be impacting you.
DarkestEyes, Yes they're run by men (although i suspect without proof that they are mostly written and edited by women) probably/mostly. In what way should that alter my view that they demean women? At no point did I justify strip clubs with glossy magazines. I said I find them worse. Like rabies is worse than flu. That doesn't "justify" flu.
AnyF, I do not "profess" to love my wife, I love her. After twenty odd years that hasn't changed. Nor is there any lack of respect. That doesn't change what a stag do is.

MrsKCastle · 04/07/2014 07:51

I would never try to tell my DH what he could/couldn't do. He's an individual with every right to make up his own mind.

If he made up his own mind to go into a strip club, I would find it extremely hard to respect him. I would feel disgusted and I would be very worried about his wider attitude. It wouldn't make the slightest difference whether or not he enjoyed it, had a private dance or sat in the corner nursing an overpriced beer.

I can't respect anyone who supports the sex industry.

After all, they have no respect for me as a woman.

ModernUrbanSnowman · 04/07/2014 07:51

Ohdaddypig, what is funny is that I agree with all your points and the opinions you quote as your partner's. I think I said that strip clubs are sad places that demean and exploit men as well as women. If not, I had intended to.
I think you are rushing to demonise me. I didn't make things be the way they are and I sure as hell don't approve.

ApocalypseThen · 04/07/2014 07:56

ApocalypseThen, I didn't try to tell you what you should think. I tried to tell you what I think.

You tried to tell women what demeans us. Most posters here are women in fact, not theory. So when you say that we're wrong to feel demeaned by one thing because you think something else is worse, you are trying to tell us what we should think. Even if you don't realise it.

Fairenuff · 04/07/2014 08:24

I think it's clear that there are two types of men. Those who understand the exploitation of women and object to it. And those that don't understand and/or don't care.

It's easy to not go into a sex industry club.

Any man old enough to go in is old enough to say no thanks, that's not for me. If everyone was going to take cocaine, would your dh go along with it OP? Just because 'that's what they do' on the night. Or some other activity that he was personally against?

No, of course not. He would easily be able to decline because it's not what he wants.

So it's a clear choice for him. It depends how much he wants it. If he's not bothered and you are it's a no-brainer isn't it. So why doesn't he reassure that he won't go? It's because he wants to go, whatever he tells you, he likes to do this.

You have two problems really. Firstly that he is the type of man who chooses to support the exploitation of women and secondly that he doesn't give a shit what you feel about it.

Time to reassess your relationship do you think?

PiperRose · 04/07/2014 09:12

I just told my (ex-stripper) best friend, she had 'no respect for other women'. She said to thank the condescending b***s for their opinion.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 04/07/2014 09:16

Mitna! you are in your 40s and you still believe shit like men always have a higher sex drive than women, and men can't masturbate without porn?! Fucking hell...and you position yourself as some voice of authority?

Op, yanbu...

ApocalypseThen · 04/07/2014 09:17

Well that's us proved wr

ApocalypseThen · 04/07/2014 09:18

Er, proved wrong.

Andrewofgg · 04/07/2014 09:18

Having said upthread that I once went to one and having read the rest of the thread I must in part redeem myself.

I was 19, young and foolish, one of which I no longer am, and forty-odd years ago these places were different. The women were on a stage and at a healthy distance from the customers; not "in their faces" in any sense.

I don't feel proud of having gone but nor do I feel the self-disgust I would feel if more recently I had been to the sort of place described on this thread. The more I think of it the more I am clear that OP's DH owes it to himself and to her to say Not for me and mean it.