Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

[cocktail82]

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

No, I'd expect mine not to go, never mind wait outside. Luckily DH is more likely to fly to the moon than go to a strip club, but I'd be seriously unimpressed if he did.

Yanbu, primarily because you've expressed your feelings about it and he's dismissing them. So potentially causing you a lot of upset for the sake of saving face with his mates.

I wouldn't like it either btw.

I would expect my husband not to attend. I don't even think we would need to discuss the issue, he just would choose not to go to such a place.

You are right to be upset.

i WOULDNT be happy either but what do you expect him to do?

I wouldn't be upset as my dh thinks they're grotesque, mysognistic and appalling - there is no way in hell he'd go and he'd disown any friends that did.

I wouldn't mind him going to a strip club, but I would mind him paying for a dance.

I know that he wouldn't be there if he had any choice (and he has actually gone back to the hotel early rather than going to strip clubs on other stag do's), so I don't really mind.

Personally I wouldn't care if mine went in, I don't think he could be bothered with all that though tbh.. but it doesn't matter how any of us feel about it, it's your feelings that count.

What do you want him to do?

YANBU. But it seems saving face with his mates is more important than your feelings on the matter...

It doesn't bother me, DH can look at what he likes but hes coming home to me at the end of the night. He doesn't bother either if for example I was at a party where there were male strippers... dressed as firemen... with a pole... then not dressed, Oh dear stop daydreaming... It comes down to what you are both comfortable with in your relationship, what I am comfortable or anyone else on here is comfortable with isn't going to change you not being comfortable with it.

YANBU. My DP recently went on a stag night, he went to the pub across the road with a few others who didn't go in.

Contrary to popular belief not every guy wil want to go in these places.

Yes but what, his mates are going, what is he supposed to do?

I'm the same as Ellypoo. It would certainly not be in my top 1000 things for DP to do but if it was part of stag weekend like this, I don't have a problem with him being in the club. I would have a problem with him paying for a dance, however. But so does he - he did pay for one when he was younger and just hated it, so I'm comfortable that he wouldn't do it again.

I'm not sure I'd push him to sit as billy no mates in a pub on his own all evening. His choice.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you being uncomfortable with it. What does he say?

I try to think what I'd do the other way around - if, say, I'd been invited to a hen do with strippers or those naked butler things. I'd not be over the moon as I dislike the idea of women ogling naked men in the flesh as much as I dislike the idea of men ogling naked women in the flesh - but I'm not sure I wouldn't go to the strip bar with my friends.

He doesn't have to go in, maybe not all of them will?

It doesn't matter what anyone else would or wouldn't mind.

You've expressed your distaste and upset. He knows how you feel about this.

So, what solution has he come up with?

My wife is going on a hen do that is going to have a stripper. I'm not bothered in the slightest. I trust my wife and I'm sure the group will have a good time. I'm pretty sure she would feel the same if roles were reversed.

Rockandroll He can have the guts to say No and invite the other married or long-term partnered men to join him at the pub.

Or if the club has a separate bar area to stay in it.

I went to one once, in single days, found it tedious and unerotic, never again.

I can't really help because I can't imagine my DP a) wanting to go to a strip club or b) having friends who'd have a stag do like this.

But he sounds like an arse, not so much for wanting to go but for his response to your concerns.

This is how my Dh ended up wandering around the streets of Tallin on his own, after all his mates went into a strip club and he walked back to the hotel.

Ironically, I was not to bothered about the strip club. But DH thinks them seedy.

I know other men who wouldn't go.

I also know men who would never go alone, and for them it is an opportunity to feel like they are a bit badass/maffia or something.

your DH might opt out anyway, or find the whole experience demeaning/embarrassing

Rock they won't be in there all night (drinks are extortionate), they'll be there an hour/two hours tops, so OP's DH can either go home early or duck out for a bit or go to another pub. It's not that hard.

I think it's a grey area. I know my DH went to one on a friends stag.... He didn't know it was going to happen, was mortified and stayed the minimum acceptable time before him and some other shy/embarrassed members of the party left. He didn't have a dance.

That said I was still unimpressed and a bit upset. I hope if I had known before hand and asked him not to go he would have respected my wishes. I certainly wasn't going to leave him or kick up a huge fuss over what did actually happen because as much as anything else he seemed to hate it and it made him very embarrassed.

I think your husband shouldn't go if he knows you hate the idea. I don't think he's lying saying it's "the done thing" now though. They do seen to be a permenent feature on stags now even though it all strikes me as being really seedy.

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all. I don't have a problem with strip/lap dance clubs. My best friend used to be a pole dancer and I met all the girls she worked with. Now I'm not saying that there aren't girls who are horribly exploited but that certainly wasn't the case with these ladies. I also trust my partner implicitly and I know that if he went to one of these he would still come home to me at the end of the night.

As other poster have said, YANBU to be upset because he is going against your wishes but I think YWBU to demand he doesn't go. If this was a woman saying she was going to a hen do with male strippers and her husband/bf/partner was demanding she didn't go I think the advice would be different.

Actually my DH went to a stag do a couple of years ago and this was on the agenda so he and his best friend left the group and went and found a different pub and some food. It can be done, he doesn't have to be a sheep if he doesn't want to. The question is if he wants to.