Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

[cocktail82]

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

I'll wait to see from there

mitna don't worry, contrary to your belief no one here is remotely interested in you nor your opinions

rest easy

Any that's reassuring. Thx.

happy to help

And a bit late now anyway

I know it's rude and obnoxious but I can't stand it any more...

arGUMent.

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Mitnageek, you seem like a nice enough person......
But I have NO idea what you're talking about! (No offense) :) .....and for that reason, I'm outta here.

Letsface THANKYOU!! I have being trying to stop myself saying that for pages! arGUment.

Why is it that some posters leap in gleefully to remind everybody that it is males who are the executives and controllers of the magazines; Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Closer, whatever...

If all the men who bought and read them would stop... it would make no difference to circulation, would it? Women buy them. Women obviously want to buy them, to read them, to have the choice of doing that. Let's not dress it up as something that is foisted on them, that's utterly ridiculous.

Ok. I'm chilled. Had a fag and a touch of the shakes but I think ive got over myself. If there was a hangs head sheepishly icon I'd use it.
I don't do a lot of this. Perhaps don't talk enough ...

Can I share an uplifting side of my day?

You know how your point of view can suddenly click over to a different perspective ...

Then I'll stfu on this thread, at least

And thanks for the reality check rather than the rl check :)

LyingWitch I get what you mean. Incidentally in my town ive been at the supermarket news stand and seen Closer get picked up a couple of times. What has surprised me is the fact that it was older women (late thirties or thereabouts.)

People don't have to buy them to be affected by them though. Last week Reveal had the word "THINSPIRATION" splashed across the FRONT cover so everyone who passed by the stand could see it.

LyingWitch its the gaslighting I object to. Ive seen MRAs take the piss out of women for not looking a certain way or for daring to be over a size 12.

Then ive seen the same MRAs blame the womens insecurity on magazines.

There is a thread running on this very board at the moment where the OPs DH is critiquing her health and fitness regime. She has been very successful without his input and is also a fitness instructor. I don't think hes been reading Marie Claire as you quite correctly pointed out. However his emotional abuse is deployed to make her feel insecure.

Exactly so, Darkesteyes and, if women would stop buying them, they would cease to exist and no more covers like that would ever see the light of day again... That's just not going to happen, is it?

We can't legislate everything; sometimes it comes down to personal codes, morals, sensibilities, respect for others and if that's not in evidence, it just isn't there.

What I do find a little grating is that it's always women who complain bitterly about the evil of the patriarchy, yet pick and choose which bits of it they will - and DO - endorse and support. I think as a gender, we have a way to go and it's going to mean that we just can't declare 'choices for women' when those choices mean ongoing exploitation, we'll just have to accept that 'No, actually, we can't do just as we like', because doing so has far wider ramifications.

cross-posted with you, Darkesteyes.

I've seen that thread. I don't know what the answer is. OP isn't going to change his mindset, she only has control of her own exposure to it. It's hard to relinquish a relationship that you think is good 80% of the time. I think that part of that comes down to the judgement (by other women, sadly) that to do so means 'failure'. I think that women are very good at the 'cheerleading' part of LTB but less so in the aftermath because when we're personally exposed to it with friends, neighbours, family, we realise that it could happen to us too. Do men ever ponder and worry about this to such an extent? I don't believe they do.

I personally take the view that anything a MRA says is attributed to fear. It can't be anything else. There's no need to denigrate what you do not fear. I think that women hold all the cards... until they hand them over, one by one and start second-guessing themselves. Oh... and reading poor quality tabloids and tripey magazines that perpetuate misogynistic beliefs, dressed up as empowering women.

Sometime, somewhere, we have to reclaim our sense of self and put a bit (or a lot) more value on that.

Fear is no excuse for abuse Gaslighting IS abuse.

I never said there was an excuse for gaslighting, there isn't. Just as there is no excuse for supporting it. It's impossible to gaslight those who will not be 'gaslit'.

The cycle and dynamics of abuse are a little more complicated than that.

Is it also impossible to burgle those who will not be burgled?

Or is this special type of victim blaming reserved for women in abusive situations only.

I think you're being obtuse now, Darkest, you could say that about any situation. Not all women are being abused and, if those who are not had a little more foresight to realise that they are part of the problem when they choose to support misogynistic activities then it would help ALL women, including those who are being abused.

Or we could just bleat on endlessly about the 'fact' that the 'menz' have control and are screwing it up for us, without accepting that actually, we have some power and could use it.

I don't 'victim blame' but I'm not in favour of 'victim coddling' either.

do you understand how gaslighting works?

someone goes out of their way to deceive and confuse you it is not something you can really prepare yourself against as for most people they are not thinking on that level. if we were we would be in a constant state of confusion

YANBU.

Oh and it's also NOT the done thing these days. My OH and 8 friends went to Vegas for his stag and they didn't go to one. It's a deal breaker for me.

Gaslighting doesn't just happen to adults It often happens to children too.

Especially in emotionally abusive and stoutly religious households. How are they supposed to "not allow themselves to be gaslit or emotionally abused.

I believe it’s ok when it is a stag do or some sort of guys night out. But not as going for a pint thing

Yabu

It’s a strip club showing beautiful women.

Your all cats bums mouths 😂😂😂