Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

[cocktail82]

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

It isn't.

she has some she feels quite sorry for - that in itself is such a sad statement. Both of the clients that go in there, and the women that work there.

And Corey is perpetuating the myth that women ^like* to be bought.

Is that the same friend who made the condescending bitched comment? Does she have some kind of complex about people looking down on her because she used to work in the sex industry? I know a former stripper and she is very quick to imagine a slight even when none is intended and has very poor luck in relationships, I suspect because her view of people, particularly men isn't very good as a result of her experiences. She would never admit that though, she isn't the type to show weakness.

ColdLight. That's an intrresting question. For me the answer is "no, there is no justification for strip clubs". Which I guess may surprise some on this thread, given what I've said and who they've aimed I am as a result. But you asked "why any feminist ...". That is a more nuanced question, given the multifaceted nature of feminist theory.
Try this
(Begin quote)
While most feminists would probably say that strip clubs are a holdover from times when women were considered valuable only if they were attractive and could produce children (which may or may not still be true, depending on who you talk to), there are feminists who would argue that a woman who is making money off the system and has chosen her profession is in an ideal feminist situation. And strippers and exotic dancers do make a lot of money.

In many a feminist's ideal world, prostitution and other sex work would be completely legal and a viable employment option.
(End quote)

www.examiner.com/article/feminism-at-the-strip-club

I was keeping quiet because I'd been told I was off topic ... but since it doesn't look like this is going back on-topic, I figured litle harm would be done.

I've been researching strip clubs and their impact on both customers and dancers since the reaction to my initial opinion. I wanted to challenge my own beliefs and assumptions and I found out some interesting stuff. If anyone is interested, I could share. But it will be waay off topic, so your collective call.

Assumed, not aimed. Sorry.

I can understand OP being upset.
I would also see it as a 'form' of cheating (a socially acceptable form of cheating).

Also, there is a BIG difference between a group of women going to watch male strippers and a group of men going to watch female strippers.

Women 'mainly' go to 'have a laugh' and will find the whole thing funny and raunchy in a slightly comical way - and not very sexy at all. Having a giggle is the main 'aim'.

Whereas men go to get turned on, and there is also the issue of 'private lap dances' and other things that are on 'offer' in some places.

I wouldn't be happy.
So I think it IS worse when men go to them. And it's the reason women feel 'uneasy' about their husbands attending them.

And to all those that say:-
''my husband went on a stag do but went to a pub instead of going with the others to the strip club. uh REALLY?

Or, ''my husband went to a strip club but didn't pay for a lap dance. once again...........Really?

They are not ALL going to tell you the truth. Why should they?
They would only get it in the neck if they did. So they tell you what they want you to hear.

(I was once spun the line of ''I didn't go with the others - I would have found it boring/seedy/ too expensive blah de blah '' - only to find out later he DID go......

His friend accidentlaly dropped him in it

mitnageek:-

I'm male.
You should probably also ensure your partner has no access to the internet (most men masturbate and if you think strip clubs are bad you ain't seen nothing). Having removed that access to porn, you'll want to ensure he goes nowhere near a newsagent ... and then that you bring no magazines into the house. His sexual frustration will rise (because whatever your sex drive his is going to be greater) so you'll be wanting to keep him indoors during warm weather ...
Yes, damn it, I know I'm being ridiculous but men are ... and all the above have been avenues by which I have achieved sexual stimulus.

That same old chestnut:- ''I'm male so I can't help perving on women 24/7 and can't control my urges.''

Actually, mitnageek, if what you say is true: you prove a point.
that is, that men are at more risk of 'getting up to no good' at a strip joint than women going to one would be.

Yes, thats very true. Although I never have. I have been happily and faithfully married for 24 years and monogamously comitted to that same partner for (I think it's) 29 years. Oh and it turns out that she was having an affair with her tutor for the first two of those and slept with an ex boyfriend whilst back in italy. So you may not want to jump to too many assumptions about me. And what's with the "if what you say is true"? Why would I take the time to type something I didnt at least believe to be true?

Also, I may well perve. Think I've been honest about that, but I damn well can "control my urges", thanks very much.

The reason I agree with your (second) statement, is that you are strongly borne out in the evidence about both the different reasons that men and women go to strip clubs and also by the difference in their behaviour when there.

There are quite a few of the other things you are dead sure about that are flatly contradicted by the evidence, however. Same is true for some things I thought, so please don't think I'm being smug.

Oh just a last point. As a courtesy, please indicate an elision in a quotation thus [...].

Yes mitnageek, I was a bit clumsy and abrupt in my wording. I apologize for that.
Are you agreeing that I'm right - that a group of men going into a strip club are there for different reasons to a group of women going to a strip club?

DH ended up having a pint on his own in a gay bar rather than go to the strip joint over the road on the last stag do he went to

Agree LaQueen, that not every bloke going to a strip club WILL have a lap dance, but it's naive to believe that every bloke that goes to a strip club and DOES have a lap dance WILL tell his wife.

Yes, on that point. At a stag do in Barcelona, I took this option (minus the curry, I walked around the botanic garden and the sacred thingy Church, bus and metro between).

Wterducksback, yes I am.

Though there's all sort of subtle qualifications (sorry about the long pause. RL intervention)