Am i being unreasonable to not be ok with my husband going to a strip club?

[cocktail82]

Next weekend my husband is going on a stag do, and one of the nights the activity is going to a strip club. I hate the idea of him going there and oogling all these half naked woman and putting his hand in his pocket and paying for a dance. It just feels like some sort of legalised cheating to me, but he said its just how stag dos are these days, and do I expect him to wait outside whilst the others go in?!

Of course I dont, but would like to think all of the married men on the stag do would have a bit more respect for their wives and say they will go somewhere else and meet them later or something, am I being unreasonable to be upset about this?

Somewhat random and off this sequence. Most dancers but far from all begin the profession 'body confident', all (small study) reported increased body confidence after dancing.

Hakluyt. Ok but it'll take a minute. I need to go on the big computer. On phone at the mo and not yet up properly. If you want to try for yourself in the meanwhile most of this bit came from the 'survivors of the sex industry' site in california. I think it was called 'all treasures' or something, and there were great links from the "about us" page. Which I think should be read "About U.S." from the content. Note that it's mixed sex industry data not just stripping but some pf it is just fascinating
Let me know if you can't find it

Oh sorry Hak missed yr early post. The tertiary level one isn't from there. That is from a uk source, the US strippers get a much worse deal and are lower socio economic and education levels from what ive inferred.
The c reference was a uk newspaper review ... hang on

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/one-in-four-lap-dancers-has-a-degree-study-finds-2063252.html

There you go. It's not exactly academic, mind

And since I was in "history" I now know the other one was iamatresure.com

Um. Feedback pls. Interesting? Shut up? Stop monopolising thread?

The third one from me mitna.

This is the site mitrageek is quoting from.

Mitrageek- what I would like to know, rather than any more unattributed quotes, is what message you are trying to get across. You have backtracked from your earlier "men have "urges" " line. What are you actually saying?

I have not backtracked. Men have urges. I don't think I've been inconsistent. But I reserve the right to be so.

I gave the "message I'm tring to get across" up front. I'll find it and see if I can figure out how to repost. But as per AgathaF's feedback and my houserules, that will be the last post

Found it ...
(Begin quote)I was keeping quiet because I'd been told I was off topic ... but since it doesn't look like this is going back on-topic, I figured litle harm would be done.

I've been researching strip clubs and their impact on both customers and dancers since the reaction to my initial opinion. I wanted to challenge my own beliefs and assumptions and I found out some interesting stuff. If anyone is interested, I could share. But it will be waay off topic, so your collective call.
(End quote)

I guess my "message" if I was the sort of person who thought ahead would be that this whole thread boils down to "im going to a stag do. There'll be a strip club" "please dont go id be uspset" "groan dont make it an 'issue' thing"

I became a bit irritated that other posters interpreted that as a good reason to LTB (a phrase I already find intimidatory and offensive). I thought "he's been invited to a strip club and therefore his children should grow up without a father. Really?" And got a bit carried away, saying things which, whilst in my view true, were a bit inflammatory.

From the study mentioned in the Independent among the list of the worst things about the work 40.1% of the strippers didn't like putting up with rude or abusive customers I presume the other 60% either don't have rude or abusive customers or the don't mind putting up with them.

Also 'nearly half' reported frequent verbal harassment and unwanted touching from customers

I can't think of many jobs where you have to put up with people being rude and abusive or where you are at significant risk of verbal harassment or unwanted touching by customers.

Also 80% reported feeling safe at work. The report fails to report how the other 20% feel

I still don't get what the issue is with the strippers having degrees ?? I don't see why that makes a difference. (Although only 23% of this studies interviewees had completed and undergraduate degree)

DETAILS OF THE REPORT ARE HERE. It's based on 300 strippers and is more of a snapshot survey IYSWIM rather than an exhaustive scientific study.

XiX. I warned up front, the data is sparse inconsistent and unreliable. Personally, I don't give a flying fuck who has a degree (although I prefer it if my doctor does). I think people find it surprising in this context because of the 'forced into the profession by lack of options' presumption.
shut up, shut up! You said that was your last post

Ps. I used to work in a shop. Rude and abusive customers, I've known a few. Ive been spat at, punched and threatened but inappropriate touching is rare in a DIY store.

Nope. Still don't understand your point.

DH used to go occasionally because of work plus the odd stag do visit. I am not in the least bothered by it, though I'd be a bit annoyed if he had a private dance.

No i am not a man and my friend is a stripper . I would never have thought it was the way it is until i found out from her, before then i had no reason to find out. From what she has said it matches up with what Laqueen says and i presume her OH has told her.

I fully understand not all clubs are like this as my friend briefly worked at another one which was not as well run and they took a bigger cut to work there.

the club my friend is in you pay a fee which enables you to dance there. Fees must be different at different clubs. The money for the club is probably made from the massively inflated drinks prices and the entrance fee plus the fee from the dancers. Dancers have to encourage them to buy drinks. The girls make the money from the private 3 min dances which i think she said are £25. Loads of men gobin as part of a group and dont buy a dance (probably realise they are getting their eyes ripped out). There are loads of bouncers and a no touching policy. Dancers are not allowed to date or go out on dates with men who come in the club.

Hakluyt perhaps if you can tell me more about what you don't get I can try to clarify. I don't (or at any rate didn't) really have much of a view on strip clubs before this. Probably "bad but [shrug]", so im not really on any sort of crusade. But I can make an effort and try to find some sort of coherent position if you really need me to have one for you to argue against.

Plus mint, she has got increased body confidence since doing it. She has a pole in her spare room and at work. I have to admit she looks good and very fit probably from dancing and pole dancing. Shes very toned, athletic which she wasn't before she started doing it so maybe thats why she keeps on doing it, idk she just says she like doing it.

Corey. No negatives? Caution her maybe on the "most strippers stay in the profession longer than they'd like to" thing. There may be longer term, slow burn damage.

But I'm happy for her.

There

Oops yes i bet there are but i am guessing she wont tell people due tobabpost above re being viewed as negative. She is in a position where shes open about it, her family know and she has a partner whos cool with it. I very much doubt this will be the same for other girls who are probably hiding it. The only thing she has moaned at me about is the foot fetish bloke, a bloke who was trying to get her to go out with him and got barred, somekne trying to buy her shoes all night and the old club ripping her off.

I will say i think the calibre of club you get into probably depends on your looks. If i done it i would probably have to work in some back street club. On here i am only giving an experience based on her and where she works. Im sure there are girls being manipulated and ripped off in clubs with very few rules. I wasnt going to comment but disagreed with an early comment saying they are ALL forced/pimped/drug addicts