Is my friend being unreasonable about his wedding?

[CannulaNellie]

I'm not emotionally invested in this and can see both sides of the coin but am interested in what others think.

I have a friend who's getting married in his future in-laws country house - very lovely indeed. The house is completely private and not open to the public but is set in large and pretty grounds, a couple of fields I think as well as a garden.

Invitations arrived a week or so ago and in that blurb pamphlet thing that often accompanies wedding invitations there was a bit about accommodation. Previous to the invitations being sent out the couple had said to lots of people that as the location was quite remote guests would be welcome to camp in the fields if they wanted. Anyway, the pamphlet mentioned camping and said that they would be charging £20 per head for this which would be going to a children's charity, so for a family of 4 £80.

In our friendship group there has been much muttering about this charge as virtually everyone is travelling to attend with their whole family. Some people think it's a very bizarre thing to do and why not just have donations to charity in lieu of wedding presents if that's something the couple feel strongly about, and others are happy to 'pay' despite there being no facilities as such and that there are local campsites that charge £25 per night in total.

What do you think?

Okay, as one of those without children, who likes camping, and who doesn't get dressed up to the nines for a wedding, I have to say it sounds great fun to me. And again, not having any children, £40 donation to charity also sounds fine, though I'd probably choose my own charity.

I think that a quiet word with the couple to alert them to the practicalities of leaving children on their own in a tent might be the way to go. I wouldn't be surprised if they're really expecting the whole thing to be child-free, and hence not actually expecting any children to be staying in tents.

Being asked to spend two to three times market rates to pitch a tent in a field at an event where you are a "guest" is still bizarre, though. What next -- £50 a head donation to charity for the meal ("Just think! Cheaper than eating in a Michelin-starred restaurant...")?

(I do have children but like camping and have camped for a wedding before)

As previous posters have said, it would actually be better if there were costs incurred by setting the field up for camping that they were seeking to cover. But no: they just want to be generous with other people's money.

I expect no-one involved has got a clue about what the market rates for camping are!

Will they be breaking a council health & safety rule by charging a fee but not providing basic sanitation?

Sounds like they haven't thought it through and a quiet word to the couple to research the legal bits before going through with this.

Thanks for the comments all!

We do want to go as DH was great friends with the groom once upon a time, childhood family friends and all that. It's no particular skin off my nose if we do go as its on the way home from somewhere else and the fact the kids will need me close by is almost a bonus in my eyes. I don't know many of the guests well and those I do know and like have decided not to attend for the (many) reasons pointed out on this thread.

I am pretty pleased I've got a legitimate reason to skive off back to the tent with a glass of wine and my book! I am not 'jolly', I didn't go to boarding school so I find japes and larks cringemaking and I am not a reader of the Telegraph! In short I am a bit anti social so I'll enjoy the ceremony and drinks and I'll love dipping out later without being thought rude. It's a win win afaic

Oh and ref the fee, we've decided to donate our normal pitch cost to a children's charity of our choice (neonatal charity at our local hospital) and just let the hosts know what we've done.

i admit I've breezed the thread, but is it at all possible that friend made the offer before ok'ing it with iLTB and is using this ridiculous per head charge to, erm, 'discourage' a large number from taking him up on it?

Can't see myself camping before a posh wedding in the first place let alone trying to arrange sitters for my children in a strange place..

That sounds like a good idea, CannulaNellie.

So have they said if there will be any facilities provided or if you can used the big house ?

OP how old are your DC? I ask as it sounds like an awful day to put a child through-thoroughly dull.

Just when I thought you couldn't come across a worse wedding than has already been posted about along comes this one...

Oh my, finding the generalisations about those who went to boarding school ("Jollies, japes, larks and reading the telegraphs) uncalled for. If similar sweeping judgements made about other groups in society then would it be acceptable?

yes, it would be acceptable. "Oh you know it's a football watching, beer drinking crowd" for instance. Or "they're a bunch of ravers". I can imagine both being said, and lots of things like them, and attracting no comment.

However, just so you know: you can't draw a false equivalence when power structures are asymmetrical

OR
when the country is not run by toff public school boys to their own advantage, but by some other group, maybe then it would be a bit mean to tease people for being all boarding-school-y. We're a long way off from that moment

Oh, I see, so because a number of politicians went to boarding school then it's fine to assume that everyone who went to boarding school are all the same? Can't see that is a logical argument to be honest.

I was more thinking about making assumptions about those who went to a state school and assuming you'd know how they'd behave at a wedding and wehther that would be acceptable.

I don't think it would be.

Not about any sector of the population. Merely about this particular set of people who I have socialised with before.

I know what they find fun and what papers they read as I've met them before obvs.

Everyone should coordinate and turn up in their cars, not drink and leave nice and early after a totally boring time has been had by all and there is a truck load of Champagne sat there at the end of the night. Perhaps then they might get the message. This sort of crap is unbelievably rude and stupid.

The whole 'just think' patronising comment indicates to me that they know perfectly well how cheeky they're being and are trying desperately to justify it to themselves.