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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my friend being unreasonable about his wedding?

216 replies

CannulaNellie · 02/07/2014 14:11

I'm not emotionally invested in this and can see both sides of the coin but am interested in what others think.

I have a friend who's getting married in his future in-laws country house - very lovely indeed. The house is completely private and not open to the public but is set in large and pretty grounds, a couple of fields I think as well as a garden.

Invitations arrived a week or so ago and in that blurb pamphlet thing that often accompanies wedding invitations there was a bit about accommodation. Previous to the invitations being sent out the couple had said to lots of people that as the location was quite remote guests would be welcome to camp in the fields if they wanted. Anyway, the pamphlet mentioned camping and said that they would be charging £20 per head for this which would be going to a children's charity, so for a family of 4 £80.

In our friendship group there has been much muttering about this charge as virtually everyone is travelling to attend with their whole family. Some people think it's a very bizarre thing to do and why not just have donations to charity in lieu of wedding presents if that's something the couple feel strongly about, and others are happy to 'pay' despite there being no facilities as such and that there are local campsites that charge £25 per night in total.

What do you think?

OP posts:
diddl · 02/07/2014 16:16

They have probably just been a bit thoughtless.

If there are alternatives then people can just say no, obviously.

Bit different if people are going to have to stay there & pay whether of not they want to.

MiniTheMinx · 02/07/2014 16:17

I don't think it would bother me if the money is going to charity, if it was offsetting the expense of the wedding, I would be pissed off.

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/07/2014 16:20

They are loons. They just haven't shown it so brazenly before.

whois · 02/07/2014 16:23

Wow. How about a big 'fuck that'.

If you are a close friend it is probably worth talking to them face to face and finding out why the fuck they thought this was a good idea, and getting them to make like a politician and do a massive U turn.

Optional donation instead of pressie = fine.
Nominal cost eg £10 per smoky to cover portaloo hire = right as fuck but a bit more justifiable
£80 per family to pitch at their house = comete plonkers

2rebecca · 02/07/2014 16:30

It would bother me if the money was going to charity. If they don't need the money why are they charging especially such a large amount? it's a wedding not a charity fund raiser. If it was my friend I'd be telling them £5 was more like it but it is OTT to charge £20 just to camp and where the money goes is irrelevant if you're the one paying £20 a head.

CruCru · 02/07/2014 16:37

Oh God. Camping while at a wedding? Ugh.

Bathsheba · 02/07/2014 16:38

Maybe they have hired glam toilets and glam shower blocks - I'm a hardened camper but I'd only be there if there were facilities provided like that

WaitMonkey · 02/07/2014 16:44

What a strange idea. Confused

IamRechargingthankYou · 02/07/2014 16:46

Do you get Dolly Parton performing for you?

Hedgehogsrule · 02/07/2014 16:50

They should tell you which charity. You may well not approve of the charity they've chosen. Give them a cheque made out to a charity of YOUR choice.

farewellfigure · 02/07/2014 16:56

Latch on to the phrase 'approx' and give them a fiver. Say it's very 'approximately' £20 a head, then make a run for it. I cannot see how on earth they are going to enforce the collecting of the 'donation' anyway. How weird!

Purpleroxy · 02/07/2014 16:58

I'd just attend the wedding but book a hotel. You don't camp in posh clothes do you??

ViviPru · 02/07/2014 16:59

I think in these circumstances it would be reasonable and to enquire innocently about the facilities being laid on without sounding goady. I think that's what I'd do, then if the query were met with a "'facilities? what do you mean? Erm there's plenty of bushes?" I would react with incredulity.

Original poster
CannulaNellie · 02/07/2014 17:00
Smile

No music apart from the wedding dj sadly but I'd LOVE Dolly to be there!

I don't think that many people will bring kids as the evening do is childfree but I'm not looking forward to changing myself and 2 kids in a tent! Although tbf our tent is very roomy.

I do wonder what the 'local children's charity' is. I have a couple I prefer to donate to and several which I would not give £80 to.

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 02/07/2014 17:07

Collecting the money will be easy- they will have staff come round.
I'd stay elsewhere...

gertiegusset · 02/07/2014 17:17

We stayed in The new forest last weekend for £35 for two nights (two of us) and the showers and the loos were immaculate and free.

Daisymasie · 02/07/2014 17:19

Unbelievably rude and crass, however well intentioned.

Not that I'd be camping anyway, but still.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 02/07/2014 17:26

The venue may have to be changed anyway - you cannot get a licence for any type of wedding in a private home unless the venue is open to the public and available for other weddings for a set period (a year I think, certainly not a few days ir weeks). We were going to get married in my parents (rural, spacious but not grand) house 10 years ago until we ran up against the licence problem and were emotionally blackmailed into using the local churchagainst our wishes

But yes, also U and barking on the pay to camp - a mix of wantong to be Lord and Lady bountiful gifting a local charity, and being willfully or otherwise clueless about not everyone thinking 40-100 pounds, or more, to donate for a night in their own tent is a lovely little gesture.

facedontfit · 02/07/2014 17:30

Could a few of you club together and rent a large cottage for the weekend?

ChilliMum · 02/07/2014 17:32

Absolutely shocking! Use the campsite support local business which is much better for the community than a charitable handout.

ViviPru · 02/07/2014 17:37

Mr.Tumbles that only applies to the civil ceremony though. If they're just having the reception there after a church/register office wedding they can do what they like (as they seem to be Confused)

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 02/07/2014 17:43

That's true Vivi obviously they can have the reception at home... I read the OP as the whole thing being planned for the grand home, as OP is taking kids even though evening do is kid free, and whole place is isolated... weddings are sometimes so complicated and multi part that I guess there may well be ceromony elsewhere, afternoon element to reception with kids at Grand House, then evening reception kid free also at Grand House.

I was sort of hoping they hadn't thought the licencing through though

saintlyjimjams · 02/07/2014 17:49

They sound completely out of touch

Worriedkat · 02/07/2014 17:49

Taxi and premier inn for me. It's the top of the iceberg - I dread to think what other 'conditions' will rear their ugly head.

If you have 3 children (and presuming it's not in London), you could get reasonable hotel / guest house for £100.

MiniTheMinx · 02/07/2014 17:54

You would love Dolly to be there? I think I would rather stay home Grin