Is my friend being unreasonable about his wedding?

[CannulaNellie]

I'm not emotionally invested in this and can see both sides of the coin but am interested in what others think.

I have a friend who's getting married in his future in-laws country house - very lovely indeed. The house is completely private and not open to the public but is set in large and pretty grounds, a couple of fields I think as well as a garden.

Invitations arrived a week or so ago and in that blurb pamphlet thing that often accompanies wedding invitations there was a bit about accommodation. Previous to the invitations being sent out the couple had said to lots of people that as the location was quite remote guests would be welcome to camp in the fields if they wanted. Anyway, the pamphlet mentioned camping and said that they would be charging £20 per head for this which would be going to a children's charity, so for a family of 4 £80.

In our friendship group there has been much muttering about this charge as virtually everyone is travelling to attend with their whole family. Some people think it's a very bizarre thing to do and why not just have donations to charity in lieu of wedding presents if that's something the couple feel strongly about, and others are happy to 'pay' despite there being no facilities as such and that there are local campsites that charge £25 per night in total.

What do you think?

IME of living near and working with, the wealthy, they can be incredibly tight. They live in a bubble and would never coccur to them that other people had budget restrictions which impact almost everything. It would be cheaper to find a B&B !

I love 'rah' - does anyone remember that Young ones episode where the toffs played university challenge: "rah, rah, rah, we're going to smash the oiks". Emma Thomson was great!

The happy couple don't know about kid issues or money issues. Double whammy!

I know what rah means, but you'd have to be pretty thick to go along with this wattless idea for wedding accommodation.

They are barking.
The whole wedding "plan" is shambolic and shows they have no clue, and have put no thought into how their guests will manage.
If they're planning on hiring in a set of portaloos/showers, then £20 per tent might be an acceptable thing to request; but £20 per head to go to some nameless charity - they can fuck off!

You're being very good about it all, I have to say - in your shoes I'd be telling DH he's welcome to go but I'll not bother thanks, if I've to look after the children by myself in the evening while he pisses up with his rah friends (yes I do remember and love the Young Ones' University Challenge episode! "I've got a Porsche" ) I'd rather be at home in comfort than in some tent in a field with no facilities that I'm paying WAAAAy over the odds for.

This thread has to go on the classic forum. I've laughed from beginning to end. Luvvvv the thought of pissed guests in their posh frocks trying to put up tents in the rain. The only thing that I don't understand is in the OP where canulanellie can see it from both sides. Anyway looking forward to more wit and comments from the MN community.

Does rah = thick?

OMG - this made me snort - brilliant!

Agreed, hellsbells

Place marking.

This is the best wedding thread ever!

Did I miss the explanation of the dormitories, cannula? Please explain the dormitories.

I think it all sounds very difficult and horrible but if most of the guests are public school, then they will think it is fine. they all basically get cast out to live into unsupervised tents at 7 years old. Their own children probably live like this already, huddling in unheated garrets, living off cold dry toast that they managed to steal before it was thrown out to the heritage breed pigs, listening through the rattling holey windows to their parents' gales of laughter from outside as they dine on roast swan on their pleasure boat on the lake. It will be luxury that there won't be occasional visits from large boys in stripey trousers to cane them and bugger them.

Dont like it. These are guests. It will cost the inlaws nothing. Its rude to make guests donate for the pleasure of being a guest.

So, let's get this right. Imagine you're a family with two small kids. You turn up at the house in the morning, put up your tent, then get yourself and the kids changed inside the tent. Then you drive to the church for the wedding. Then you drive back to the house for the reception, including kids. Then you all go and sit in your tents until the evening do (how many hours later?) You get the kids ready for bed, take them for a wee inside the house, tell them they're not allowed to wee again, they can't have anything to eat because there's nowhere to cook, and you, the adults are just going to go inside the house for the next four hours to enjoy the party. And let's hope the music doesn't keep you awake.

OR are you expected to drive the kids somewhere else after the reception (which means no drinking of course) where they can be looked after, and then drive back? OR expect someone else to drive to this remote country house, pick your kids up and take them away with them and look after them till the following morning?

How on earth is any of this remotely going to work?

I thought that it was the couple's idea to ask for money?

Actually I think the fact that it is for charity makes asking for money worse. If they actually needed money to defray certain costs, on a working farm, that would be one thing. As they are basically just asking money - far too much money - for a laugh, that's taking the piss

Quite, hackmum. You simply don't bring the children, or you decline the wedding camping completely IMO.

Unless you mean a 'Drinks Reception' (but not the meal), I think that the children aren't actually invited to the Reception (as in the meal, the Wedding Breakfast), hackmum, so even worse than you describe ... not "including kids".

OP has said that it's only church then drinks, to which the children are invited. They are not invited to the meal or the evening.

"Sorry not to be clear, wedding ceremony is in the village church then back to the 'venue' for drinkies at which children are welcome. The sit down meal and party in the evening are child free apart from family children."

(Although that does beg the question, why on earth would any invited guests actually take their children, given that they are going to be obliged to get rid of them after the church and drinks and then keep them away not only for the meal, but for the rest of the entire day and evening).

Oh gosh. My bad for not following the thread properly.

So the scenario now is, you take your kids to the campsite for the whole putting tent up business, then drive back to the church, then drive them from the church to the babysitter, who is kindly going to look after them all day and then all night, then drive back to the house for drinks followed by meal. Or take the kids with you for drinks then drive them to the babysitter, then drive back for the meal.

Yes, I can see that is going to work.

I suppose, alternatively, if the kids are allowed for the drinks part, then you could get them drunk and leave them unconscious in the tent for the meal and evening party.

That's not illegal, right?

gawd these wedding threads just get odder and odder.

Maybe the mil is the head of fundraising for said charity and her income's a bit down. Maybe she'll have personalised gift aid donation enveloped on the pews too.

"if the kids are allowed for the drinks part, then you could get them drunk and leave them unconscious in the tent"

I've got some pot noodles left over from Glastonbury if you want a few and a blow up Dolly Parton dolly wig n boobs

Daftest thing I've ever heard, if I were you OP, I'd be sending off the OH, and having a nice weekend elsewhere, for the money you would be wasting on this.
£80 for the pleasure of a tent in a field, with no facilities, and the children get no food, and are meant to somehow fade quietly into the background.
The people 'organising' this are not sweet or whatever else you have described them as. They are devoid of all common sense, and plain greedy.

The couple are either clueless or they really don't want you to take your children and are making it impossible to do so.

Either way for £20 a person for camping is want hot and cold running water, good loos and a bacon sarnie cooked for me the next day.

Please phone them!!!

They're just trying to think of creative ways to have everyone say over. And, at first if you're stupid camping seems like a viable option.
But it's not. Ppl can't get changed in their tents Pre wedding. There's no mention of any facilities and it's not acceptable to leave your unfed kids outside in a tent while you party on down.
Personally, I would either arrange a babysitter (if you can, personally I've never had this option) for the whole thing and consider an hotel, or attend the ceremony and kids- welcome bit and then go home.
Why they would charge such a rate to be donated is unfathomable.

But I don't really like weddings tbh. They're a faff.

Also, I do need an update because I absolutely must know what the B&G have to say to any questions you might have.