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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party uninvite

308 replies

BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:41

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

OP posts:
Shesaysso · 18/06/2014 20:44

Yes I would be very annoyed - send back something along the lines of 'Thanks for your text, just so I'm clear are you uninviting my DD?' And see what you get back.

magpiegin · 18/06/2014 20:45

I would reply something like 'oh no, daughter is going to be gutted, she was so excited!' YANBU, but if that's their choice there is very little you can do.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2014 20:45

I would wait to hear what they say. Then, it's a nightmare. They are BU but it's politics with this kind of thing.

Original poster
BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:46

I've just had another text saying "I'll make it up to her"!

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 18/06/2014 20:47

I think that's really mean but don't know what you can do about it if numbers/finances are limited. The party girls mum should have the balls to tell her DD that your DD has been invited so she cannot chop and change her mind OR if she's gone on to invite others the mum should maybe suck it up.
Don't think you would be WBU to say something about it but don't think it will change anything if she's happy to tell a child she can't come com who she KNOWS has accepted and knows about it. Your poor DD Sad

TheSkiingGardener · 18/06/2014 20:49

They are totally unreasonable, but you know that. Question is how much are you prepared to rock the boat? How well do the girls get on?

Original poster
BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:50

It was sent out as an email as well so everyone can see who was invited, including DD's best friend.

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 18/06/2014 20:51

'I'll make it up to her' wtf? just grow a pair and sort yourself out - kids make mistakes but adults should no better.
I would also say 'just to be clear are you asking me to tell my DD aged .... she is no longer invited to a party that you invited her to and she accepted? really?'

CombineBananaFister · 18/06/2014 20:52

not you grow a pair Blush her, obviously

Mim78 · 18/06/2014 20:53

I agree with combine - that is shocking!

rollonthesummer · 18/06/2014 20:55

OMG! That is just awful. Do you know this mum? Have you replied?

BrianTheMole · 18/06/2014 20:55

I wouldn't answer it at all and let her stew in her guilt, if she has any that it.

Original poster
BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:55

They get on very well. Live close by, go to a ballet group together.

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 18/06/2014 20:56

combine has it right "so you want me to tell my X year old she has been uninvited to a party she's been looking forward to?"

Really sorry that's crap for your dd

Original poster
BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:57

I have replied saying that it's a bit awkward as I've already told DD and she's really excited.

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 18/06/2014 20:58

That's so rude. Tbh I don't think there's anything you can do or say to make this mother feel guilty - if she can uninvite your dd then clearly she has precious few manners and very little conscience!
Can you take your dd yourself another day?

MrsRuffdiamond · 18/06/2014 20:58

That's really disappointing for your daughter. YANBU.

Was the email from the same mum who has sent the texts? Sounds like there may have been a breakdown in communications between the 2 mums, and your dd has suffered for it. Surely it shouldn't be that hard for two adults to organise a party with 5 invitees?!

Depending on how much you want to preserve good relations, either

a) Maintain a dignified silence, and don't reply at all.

Or, if that would make things too awkward

b) Reply saying "Oh, that's a pity, the email made it sound quite definite, which is why we accepted. Not to worry, I'm sure dd will cope"

Hope your dd isn't too upset.

Boudica1990 · 18/06/2014 20:59

Id be frothing at the mouth and harsh fonting a e-mail back along the lines of "are you fucking serious, you can explain to my poor child why you are so shit at administration and are univiting her, you thick as pig shit cow" but then I have a temper problem....

But in a calm view point, I would text the mum back and express disappointment at the decision, however graciously thank them for the offer of making it up. Then never speak to them again of your children are not that close.

Wow I have issues....

Original poster
BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 20:59

Another text saying she'll make it up to her!

OP posts:
EverythingIsAwesome · 18/06/2014 21:00

How old are the girls? Shocking behaviour on the adults part :(

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/06/2014 21:00

Agree with brian. There is no way I would respond to that text.

If the woman tried to speak to me, I would say "there's no need to discuss. I understand the position - your text was quite clear". I would not give her a chance to make crap excuses that you need to listen to and perhaps feel forced to accept. I wouldn't be interested in any offers to "make it up" to your DD

What a dick she is - that's unbelievable

Shakirasma · 18/06/2014 21:01

I doubt she can make it up to her. This is so cruel!

DoJo · 18/06/2014 21:02

You could always offer to pay your daughter's way if that would help - I know it's not ideal, but if it means that your daughter isn't disappointed, it might work, and I'm sure the birthday girl would be glad to have an extra friend too!

Original poster
BatterseaGirl · 18/06/2014 21:02

DD is 8!

OP posts:
OddFodd · 18/06/2014 21:02

How exactly is she going to make it up to her? I'd be tempted to tell her that she can tell your DD that she's been uninvited. Is there any reason they can't add another child on (are numbers limited to exactly 7 or something?).

In this sort of situation, you suck it up don't you as the parent? Your cock up, you pay for it. Not the child that you mistakenly invited