Party uninvite

[BatterseaGirl]

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

Invite the girl round to your house after school and then forget to pick her up and the cite it was a mix up and you will make it up yo her

I'd be tempted to tell her that she can tell your DD that she's been uninvited.

Please don't do that. She could very well say that she will do that. Then nobble you and DD at the school gates and your poor DD feel that she has to accept whatever the excuse to be "polite" to an adult. Then the woman salves her conscious and tells you that, see, it's all fine

Ooh, that's just nasty. I think I'd be responding with 'thanks, but please don't bother trying. It would just make it worse.'

That is really shit. What the hell is the other mum thinking? She's invited your dd, she's made a mistake, tough shit on her and she ought to suck it up and let your dd attend. Who does that to an eight year old? One of her own dds friends? What an idiot.

Sorry - that was tongue in cheek - I didn't really think the OP should do that. Of course she's going to have to do the dirty work but rudemum shouldn't get away with bleating about making it up to her

Fwiw this has happened before by the same girl and mum but to a different girl. They were having a joint party with two others and invited the whole class but each chose a third of the class to send their invites out to iyswim. The other two sent out their invites and then this girl decided she didn't want one of the invites to go from her! Instead of the mum insisting, she asked one of the others to send out the invite (even though they'd already given theirs out!).

I don't want to put a fly in the ointment but are you sure that the dc whose party it is are not playing nasty games with your dd

I actually feel a teeny bit sorry for the Mum - presuming they have organised transport or the special day out is limited by the organiser.

Can you ask if there is any way you can take DD and meet her there, or speak to the venue and see if they can squeeze in an extra child?

I wouldn't put it past her Muskey.

The mum clearly has no shame then if she's done this before. Not a lot you can do really. What a bitch.

Tbh Knackered I don't think I could face it. I wouldn't have given a stuff if she hadn't been invited in the first place but now all the other girls know that she's been invited (or not as it turns out!).

How old are the girls?

That's pretty bad behaviour by the party parents. My DC have known since they were 4 yo that party invitations come via Me and not via word of mouth.

An 8yo should have a grasp of this and be made to accept the consequences IMO.

I'm very sorry for your DD. There's not too much you can do other than retain a rather chilly dignity but as other posters have said above I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be allowing any conscience salving 'making up'.

I have a DD the same age as yours and yes, she would be devastated but Id would be the one "making it up to her" as I would not give the mother the time of day , let alone giving her a chance to make herself feel better. I am not usually that nasty but this is incredibly hurtful for a child.

Tomorrow she will use any sort of anger/irritation from you to justify her shitty behaviour. Don't give her the satisfaction. Stay tight lipped, let her do all the talking and give her a cool smile. Just say nothing.

She'll feel much worse then.

Watercolourfootballs I might have misunderstood but i think invite came strait to mum via email and so did uninvite (if that is even a word).

What is this fantabulous party that is so exclusive that only a few can attend?

FFS - it's a kid's party not a fucking garden party at Buck House

I absolutely cannot believe that the stupid woman didn't double and triple check after eccentrically doing this before

Maybe reply 'I'm not sure you can make it up to her'

For me this is about you protecting your DD from the disappointment. How about offering to let the friend brake the news to your DD. She is relying on you mopping this up for her it's barking! If she has messed up she needs to fix it not you via letting your DD down. Don't let her off the hook OP.

Hope it all gets sorted out and DD is ok.

Email came from the other mum copied to this mum. Uninvite came via text so nobody else has seen it apart from the friend who I've forwarded it to

There's no way I'd let the cow mum of the other girl explain it to my dd. That's more cruel I think.

Very poor behaviour, and just not cricket.

I would be a bit icey with them TBH, graceful and icey.

I'm confused how the mix up happened? Was the original
Email from this rude woman?

Why did the mother not simply say to her DD that, actually, as she has invited more people, there won't be room at the super-exclusive party place for them all. So, as it is beyond bad manners to uninvited people, the venue will need to change to one that can contain everyone.

A direct consequence of her actions

I wouldn't out your dd through the upset of having to engage with any of them over this. Do a nice day out for dd and invite a friend too.