Party uninvite

[BatterseaGirl]

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

There is no good solution here, I fear.

Stop texting and talk to the nice mum.

Because it's mean! Dd is 8 and I know she'd be devastated if she was uninvited especially if it was some more unusual party and perhaps a day out with friends. If it was soft play yet again she'd probably get over it with a trip swimming with daddy or to the park instead.

Given the op's update I think the nice mums dd could be very upset on the day when none of her friends turn up and mean mums dd has basically done all the invites

I would give nice mum the heads up

Brokenhearted I'm sorry you've had such a tragic childhood, but I don't understand how you get through life being so bitter and cold (opinion formed from other posts of yours also).
Just because you had a shit time doesn't mean everyone else can/has to see their kids upset and not give it a second thought.

nippy your poor dd.

I like maryW's daft email

It is horrible, though. Just because you had it worse doesn't stop that.

Sounds like the pair of them couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery tbh. This is a birthday trip out not a party you said, right? So they had to choose and contact, what ... 4-5 kids? And they still managed to fuck it up - and can't even agree between them which children are the mistakenly invited ones! Wow!

Brokenhearted is not being cold hearted

she is just not getting all dramatic about a situation that will happen to all children at some stage in their life, disappointment it is how we as parents deal with it that makes the difference

brokenhearted why are you so bothered that the op would rather not see her dd upset?

Sorry if you saw very little kindness in your childhood but it's completely normal for a parent to be annoyed about this.

FFS just call nice mum and tell her what's happened vis a vis bitch mum. If its a no you can't go, then FFS move on. No need to "make it up" to your DD. this is NOT going to be the worst thing that ever happens to her. Why are we all so scared of our kids pulling #sadface at us?!

Not getting invited to a party is par for the course, getting invited then uninvited is not that common, and of course is going to lead to some disappointment.

I can imagine being really gutted about that, at 8.

Life is full of disappointment.

Yes, you're right. We all know this from our own painful experience, which is why we try to mitigate the disappointment for our children while we can, I guess?

Slipper of course children will be disappointed in their lives but most decent parents will try to avoid that situation happening or at least try to cushion the blow. Not just say 'well I had it worse so stop moaning'.

Seriously, just ask!

Phone mum1 up and tell her what happened. Ask for clarification. it really is that simple!

Brokenhearted - you had a shit childhood, can you recognise that it was shit and that no one wants their child to have to have dealt with so much hardship by the age of 8 that being uninvited to a special party pales in significance?

I would email the nice mum back, copying in the other invite and invitee mums saying that you're confused. Your daughter is excited to go as you'd received the invite and accepted, but that mum2 has been texting you saying she can no longer go but would like to 'make it up to her' some other way.

Even if she is still uninvited, don't let mum2 get away with being so inconsiderate without the others knowing. And, as the email went out as a group invite, won't they question why your DD isn't there, you wouldn't want mum2 to make up a nasty lie to cover her 'mistake'.

I would phone the nice mum and tell her what the second mum has done and just say that you don't want to put her in an awkward position so if she wants you can do something else with your daughter on that day and I suspect nice mum will insist on your daughter coming and if not then she is just as silly as the second mum.

It is pretty shitty thing to do/happen though you'd have to be very stony to not feel for a child on this situation and think the adult was very cruel.

Oh I agree that you shouldn't dignify that text with a response. What an asshole. Ice her out if she tries to "speak with you" about it.

Take your daughter out for a nice day instead.

It sounds as though you have handled it really well.

Never mind being uninvited, can you imagine what it's like trying to co-host a party with her?

Bloody hell, brokenhearted, yes, some children are abused, neglected, orphaned - hell, some children die. Are we supposed to raise our children with a "shit happens" attitude and "others have it much worse" when they are disappointed or hurt?

I didn't have a wonderful childhood either but my 7 year old is innocent and protected, as children should be, and would be devastated at being invited to a special day then uninvited, while others went in his place. I think most adults would be hurt.

It's sad that your childhood seems to have left you so bitter.

I am not sure that is what is being said

of course it is upsetting, and it is upsetting as a parent

but calling the mother a bitch, creating a bigger drama will not help

telling her there was a mix up, it is not fair as she was excited but sadly at times these things happen and planning something nice just for her would be a far better way to handle the situation

of course not as appealing to some as texting one mother and not the other, or telling a child that her friend has an obnoxious parent