Party uninvite

[BatterseaGirl]

So I had an email inviting DD to a party. It's a joint party and between the two girls they have invited five children. It's quite a special day out. DD very excited and I replied straightaway with a yes (replied to both mums). Then this evening I had a text from one of the mums saying - "sorry there's been a mix up with the invites ! DD has already promised to others. I'll speak to you tomorrow" AIBU to be livid? And what should I reply?

There is no way that it is ever polite to chop and change a party list and un-invite people. Teaching your child that this is acceptable will not do them any favours.

You simply must speak to nice mum ASAP !

Well no, I said to ignore it as far as communications go but you'd have to explain it to the DD somehow.

And I agree the dd needs to know that this isn't acceptable behaviour or she might think this is.

I agree with Noodle's email.

I'd email both rather than call, because if nice mum has no idea what mean mum has done, when you call you'll be putting her on the spot. Sending a "reply all" message asking for clarity before disappointing your dd gives nice mum a chance to call mean mum and ask what she is doing. (Esp if what mean mum is doing is uninviting all nice mum's dd's friends and filling limited space party with her own dd's friends, yet still expecting nice mum to pay half).

Brokenhearted, I can see why your childhood would make this look like nothing, but it will hurt the ops dd, even if that hurt is nothing like on the level you experienced, parents tend to want to protect their dcs from unnecessary hurt, even little ones.

Plus this is rude! Just because the victim of the rudeness is a child, doesn't make the adult involved any less of an ill-mannered shit. I would be offended if I'd been invited to a party then uninvited because the host found a better person to invite. It wouldn't break my heart, but it'd piss me off and make me think badly of the host from then on, but them I've never heard of an adult doing this to another adult, it only seems to be children that are uninvited to things...

oh god it is not teaching your child it is acceptable

but it happens along with many other issues that can be upsetting for children

There's a massive difference between not being invited to a party and being uninvited.

It's incredibly rude for a start - whether the OP's DD is 8 or 28. Secondly it's more than 'disappointment' if you are the one child who is uninvited. Why is the OP's DD the one child whose invite has been rescinded? It's hardly going to make her feel good about herself is it?

And yes, I think it's rude and cruel to do that to an 8 year old. But I wouldn't call the other mum a bitch because I hate that word but she's not a very nice person and she's got appalling manners.

not getting all dramatic about a situation that will happen to all children at some stage in their life

I doubt this situation happens to many children at all. And if it had happened to my child at 7/8 it would actually have been one of the most unpleasant things to have happened to her at that age, because she had a normal childhood where she was brought up loved and protected.

Why not just ring the nice mum? Feck all this texting and emailing. Ring her and tell her the other mum uninvited her.

At the risk of sounding unpopular, at 8 years old, my mother had already left my abusive father & I witnessed alot of the abuse, we had been moving house and changing schools almost yearly to hide: he kept finding us. It was terrifying.

Broken-hearted, I'm sorry you've been through that.

A lot of us have been through hard times and real trauma. It's still okay to get mad at petty rudeness, and to say that a rude person is an asshole!

Just sort it out. The hand wringing by some posters is getting on my tits. It's a fucking party. We can't all be invited to everything. We can't all be liked by everyone. DD is going to have to learn this, it might as well be now.

I am 39 and I would be well pissed off if someone invited me and uninvited me like that.

Life is full of disappointments but this is just someone being rude. Not getting asked at all is maybe disappointing.

Well I feel sorry for nice mums dd. sounds like mean mum is in inviting her friends and probably inviting her dd's friends in their place.

Its in danger of turning into a big drama and it needn't be - why not just phone nice Mum to actually clarify whats going on?

to make her dd happy by uninviting someone - oh yes make em happy at all costs - teach them to mess people about and have bad manners and communicate poorly as other will suck up - spoilt little bitch more like.

The mom's a bitch. Your daughter will be disappointed but survive.

Is there something you can do with your daughter instead on the day of the party? Maybe invite one of her friends (who isn't going to the party) out with you and you guys can have a girls day out and do something they both enjoy?

It doesn't matter how rough some have had it as kids. This is still bullshit and mean to do to a child. You don't get them excited about something and then burst their bubble.

sensible post there from tinker

The one being called a bitch: its her dd's party not the op's daughters. Perhaps just like the op shes trying to do what would make her own dd happy and if that means uninviting someone so herndd can have who she really wants there then maybe shes prepared to take that risk

Someone who invites an eight year old to a super duper exciting day out / party and then uninvites the eight year old is a bitch. She just is.

It's really shitty behaviour be it a child and adult whatever.

Nothing wrong with calling it that.

:( poor DD. Hope you can get some clarification from
nice mum.

that is awful
how can anyone uninvite a child

Did someone say that? That's not good.