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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder criticised my parenting

216 replies

PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 16:12

My 11 month old DD recently started at a childminders when I returned to work. Have known childminder for years, she is lovely and my DD is always happy to see her and happy when I pick her up.
However when I picked DD she asked to have a word as she had a couple of issues.
She has said I don't dress my girl appropriately for the setting and for her development. I like to dress my DD nicely in pretty, girly dresses and little cardigans, she looks so cute in them.
The childminder said that my DD is often too cold and the dresses get in the way when DD is rolling round on the floor etc.
She suggested I keep the frilly dresses for parties and put DD in leggings and tops for her house.
She then went on to say the food I give to DD is not really appropriate either. She said I give her too much sugary and salty foods and not enough lumps.
She said she only has my DD's interests at heart and she was really worried about saying something as she didn't want to attack me.
WWYD?

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 22/05/2014 16:14

I agree with the child minder about the clothes - your DD is not a doll! Hard to comment on food without knowing what you are sending...

bigkidsdidit · 22/05/2014 16:15

What food do you give her? Salt is very dangerous for babies, if you are giving her salty food if be grateful she let you know I suppose, and change what's in her lunchbox. I suppose it's galling to hear!

Re clothes, is she cold at home? If not I wouldn't worry about that one so much!

LingDiLong · 22/05/2014 16:15

She sounds tactless but she's right about the dresses, they really aren't great for kids to crawl around and explore in. I can't comment on the food without knowing what you feed her. do you send food with her to the childminder? We are supposed to have healthy eating policies (I am also a childminder) so it's kind of in her remit to mention stuff like that.

DennyDifferent · 22/05/2014 16:16

I would be happy that the person I had put in charge of looking after my DD had such good sense and cared enough to talk to me about these things. I think putting DD in clothes she is warm enough in and can play in and giving healthy, age appropriate food are all fair enough.

Is this a reverse AIBU?

lylasmam2012 · 22/05/2014 16:17

I love my DD in dresses but when I send her to creche each day she's in leggings/tracksuit bottoms and comfy tops that I don't mind getting ruined. She wears the odd dress somedays but she's 21 months and walking ages so she can. I know before we even started creche they advised me to put her in comfy stuff that we didn't mind getting wrecked.

YANBU regarding the food, that's not her business. FWIW my DD was eating the same food as us at that age. Finger food and lumps galore as we didn't mash anything.

odyssey2001 · 22/05/2014 16:18

It sounds to me that someone who knows you wanted to be honest with you. Sometimes hard truths are difficult to swallow but often they need to be said and you should listen. You may not agree, that is your prerogative, but they don't sound like unreasonable observations to me.

Children should be dressed appropriately and party dresses are not always best as day-to-day wear. Also too much sugar and salt and not enough lumps (preparing her for solid food). What are you feeding her that she disagrees with?

eddielizzard · 22/05/2014 16:19

don't know what food you're giving her so can't comment on that.

agree with her about the dresses. t-shirts and leggings are great.

sounds like she has your dd's best interests at heart tbh.

odyssey2001 · 22/05/2014 16:19

It sounds to me that someone who knows you wanted to be honest with you. Sometimes hard truths are difficult to swallow but often they need to be said and you should listen. You may not agree, that is your prerogative, but they don't sound like unreasonable observations to me.

Children should be dressed appropriately and party dresses are not always best as day-to-day wear. Also too much sugar and salt and not enough lumps (preparing her for solid food). What are you feeding her that she disagrees with?

redandchecker · 22/05/2014 16:20

It's not nice to hear someone doesn't agree with the way you do things but what the childminder is saying is right, with DS I always used to send him to nursery in nice clothes because he looked gorgeous but as he got older I realised how rediculous and unfair I was being he didn't care what he looked like and just wanted to have fun and be comfy! I bought some jogging bottoms and plain tshirts and from then on sent him in those I also did not care if he ruined them either.

As for food what foods are you sending? If you are sending sugary and salty foods regularly rather than a treat this isn't great and can effect their mood as well as their health. DS has a sand which, some ready salted crisps, a baby bel and some different varieties of fruit. Once a week I'll chuck a treat in !

Ploppy16 · 22/05/2014 16:20

How you dress your daughter is up to you bit dresses Re hugely impractical for this age really, they stand on the hems or crawl on the skirt and fall on their faces so she is right about that. Wrt the food, leave salt out of her portion if you're cooking from scratch and give her a portion of whatever you have cut up roughly. She'll be fine with that. Don't see it as a criticism, more as advice from someone who works with children every day.

diddl · 22/05/2014 16:20

I wouldn't take it as criticism about the clothes tbh.

What cm suggests does sound more practical.

But why is she cold?

Presumable even if a thinnish dress she has vest, tights, cardi when necessary?

Is cm right about the food?

TweedleDi · 22/05/2014 16:20

Childminder is 'lovely'. DD 'always happy to see her'.

I'd probably have a good think about whether she has a point.

Dresses and girly cardigans sound like they may be inappropriate wear for a hard days play, especially if it means she is getting cold. Toddlers (DD is nearly there!) are active and get grubby.

Is she commenting on the food you supply?

Longtalljosie · 22/05/2014 16:20

OK - well your child is basically 1, which means a maximum of 2g of salt a day (0.8g of sodium). Which basically means no adding salt and keeping an eye on what you give her - very few processed foods for example. And there's sodium in milk so you need to undershoot on the food to allow for it.

ICanSeeTheSun · 22/05/2014 16:21

Agree with the clothes aspect.

I bet she does look lovely in a dress, but she needs warm suitable clothes.

What foods are you sending with her.

PrincessBabyCat · 22/05/2014 16:21

I love dressing DD in dresses, but I normally take them off after pictures at home. Her legs get caught in the skirts when she flails sometimes and that can tug at her neck, and during tummy time it kills the traction on the floor when she moves her legs. Which is fine for now since she can't crawl, but when she can it will get in the way. Also it scrunches up on my arm when I cradle her which is annoying for me. Dresses seem better for toddlers and walking babies I've come to notice as far as functionality goes.

But I do dress her up for visiting and taking her out and about where she won't be doing any activity. I like to show off how gorgeous she is. :)

It sounds like she was being nice about it. Try sending her the recommended foods and see if there's an improvement in DD's sleep, activity, and general disposition. It can't hurt to give her healthier foods.

oohdaddypig · 22/05/2014 16:21

I can understand why you have taken this personally but it sounds like your CM has your DD's interests at heart.

What food are you sending?

AMumInScotland · 22/05/2014 16:22

This is a reverse AIBU, right?

I mean you don't honestly expect us to say that of course it's fine to give your DD sweet or salty purees at her age? Or that it's fine to make it difficult for her to play by dressing her up in 'cute' clothes instead of practical ones?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/05/2014 16:22

She sounds like a fab childminder! Lucky you. Many dont have the confidence or are worried about parent taking child off in a strop to mention things that concern them.

Dresses get caught under babies' knees when crawling an cause them to stumble, same when climbing, they lift their foot up and step on the hem.

Leggings far better.

As for food- well what are you sending?

widdle · 22/05/2014 16:23

Heck!! That is hard. Re the clothes I wouldn't look at that as a criticism though. It could be that her house is a lot cooler than yours and that the other kids are doing messy painting etc. She might have been worried about your DD's dresses getting ruined.

Re the food - do you think her comments were justified? I'm a first time mum and would like to be told if I was giving something unhealthy. I'm always stuck for what to feed DS and would ask her for suggestions.

It sounds as though she was criticising but in a nice way. How are you feeling about it?

claraschu · 22/05/2014 16:24

I think you should be glad you have such a wise, kind, experienced person to advise you. I think she is right about all of this. small children don't need to eat unhealthy food, and they don't even prefer it if they haven't been introduced to it.

Warm and comfortable is what is important for clothes.

Your OP reads like you are intending to sound unreasonable. Are you the childminder?

Original poster
PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 16:26

I am not a good cook and DH and I don't eat vegetables or fruit. We eat at my DH's Mums twice a week and ready meals the rest of the time.
Dd's usual food would be, rusk mashed with milk for breakfast and a fruit pot.
Two little fromage frais yoghurts or a little cake for morning snack
Puréed veg, mash and gravy (mil cooks us a weeks worth when we go for Sunday dinner) and a pot of custard for lunch.
Cheese or barbecue rice cake or mini cheddars for afternoon snack,
Tin of spaghetti hoops mashed or a meal made up from dried baby food and more yoghurts or custard for tea.
She drinks baby juice as she won't drink water.

OP posts:
MildDrPepperAddiction · 22/05/2014 16:27

I agree with the cm. how can you dd explore/learn etc if she can't move about easily?

Also, sugar and salt are very dangerous for little ones.

It sounds as though you aren't going to bother taking this on board. Tbh your username says loads. Sorry.

Gruntfuttock · 22/05/2014 16:27

I think you are very lucky to have such a great childminder and so is your duaghter.

cees · 22/05/2014 16:28

The dresses thing is just common sense, be thankful she mentioned it so you're baby can roll/crawl with no obstructions.

What kind of food are you sending?

Gruntfuttock · 22/05/2014 16:28

^daughter^ - 'scuse typo