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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder criticised my parenting

216 replies

PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 16:12

My 11 month old DD recently started at a childminders when I returned to work. Have known childminder for years, she is lovely and my DD is always happy to see her and happy when I pick her up.
However when I picked DD she asked to have a word as she had a couple of issues.
She has said I don't dress my girl appropriately for the setting and for her development. I like to dress my DD nicely in pretty, girly dresses and little cardigans, she looks so cute in them.
The childminder said that my DD is often too cold and the dresses get in the way when DD is rolling round on the floor etc.
She suggested I keep the frilly dresses for parties and put DD in leggings and tops for her house.
She then went on to say the food I give to DD is not really appropriate either. She said I give her too much sugary and salty foods and not enough lumps.
She said she only has my DD's interests at heart and she was really worried about saying something as she didn't want to attack me.
WWYD?

OP posts:
ApproachingATunnel · 22/05/2014 16:29

WWYD? I would listen to the childminder because what she says makes sense and she obviously has your DD's best interests at heart. What she said is NOT a criticism of your parenting but a few sensible suggestions.

eddielizzard · 22/05/2014 16:30

i think you and / or your dh need to learn to cook tbh.

ready meals aren't great to live off.

there is a lot of sugar in her diet imo

neolara · 22/05/2014 16:30

Having just see what you give your DD to eat, your CM is absolutely right. Your dd needs proper food, not mush.

notaflamingclue · 22/05/2014 16:30

Sounds like reasonable advice to me too. I'd love to dress my DD up in pretty dresses, but I know that they would just get in her way. She lives in leggings and tunics. Not sure about the cold thing though, unless she doesn't have tights / cardies in cooler weather.

Ditto other posters re food - what are you sending with her?

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/05/2014 16:30

Shock at that diet! And yes she will drink water Hmm

adsy · 22/05/2014 16:30

I really don't think she shold be having very pureed food at that age. Or tins of spaghetti hoops, or dried baby food,
Fromage frais are full of sugar, as is cake!
barbecue rice cake I assume is ready made and will have lots of salt in it.
Mini cheddars, again not suitable for a baby.
The fruit pot, do you mean a pot of cut up fruit, or some sort of ready made fruit mush?
baby juice is terrible stuff and has far too much sugar in ti. She WILL drink water if that's all that's offered, or milk.
TBH I think the CM has given good advice. maybe ask her for some suggestions as to what is a healthy day's food for dd

BerniesBurneze · 22/05/2014 16:30

I'm sorry but that food does sound dreadful. Ask the childminder for suggetions on what to try

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/05/2014 16:31

Listen to your childminder.

LingDiLong · 22/05/2014 16:32

That does sound like a lot of processed, unhealthy food and I think your childminder probably had your child's best interests at heart. Would she be able to help you with some suggestions for healthy snacks and simple meals you could prepare?

DoJo · 22/05/2014 16:32

I know it feels like a personal attack, but she is spending time with your daughter, so coming to you with concerns such as these is a positive thing. I can't imagine she was relishing the prospect of broaching this with you, so the fact that she has put your daughter's needs above her own feelings of awkwardness is a good sign.
Personally, I don't see this as criticising your parenting so much as making you aware of things that she is privy to in her position of trust. Would you really rather she let your daughter be uncomfortable or restricted for the sake of avoiding upsetting you? And the salt thing is just something that comes with experience - there is a surprising amount of salt in some things and it can be a danger to smaller children, so ensuring that you are aware of this is important.

redandchecker · 22/05/2014 16:32

Your CM is right She's having too much salt. Ready meals are FULL of salt.
You don't need to be a great cook to send her with a packed lunch - she can eat little sandwich squares at this age, you may not like fruit but your DD needs it and it's just a case of chucking it in the lunch box chances are she will love it - strawberries, grapes and apples go down well here.

At dinner time you can chuck some potatoes/pasta and sweet corn/veg on the hob by following the cooking instructions and mix it with some tuna or mince meat rather than ready meals. You don't have to be a great cook but your DD needs the vital nutrients ready meals don't provide.

mercibucket · 22/05/2014 16:33

that is a huge amount of salt! gravy is loaded. bet the mash has extra added too. plus spag hoops

try fruit n veg and learn to cook a few simple meals. sure people can recommend stuff on here

Joysmum · 22/05/2014 16:33

She has a point, suck it up and correct it.

RobinSparkles · 22/05/2014 16:33

Sorry, but I agree with her.

It would annoy me if a parent sent a child to me in appropriately dressed. Little girls can't climb, go up slides etc in frilly dresses.

You might be annoyed with your CM now but you'd be annoyed with yourself in a year's time if your DD was trying to climb something at soft play, accidentally stood on her dress and fell forward and broke her nose. As a childminder, I'd also be forever worrying about letting her get messy.

Notagainmun · 22/05/2014 16:33

Sounds like she was uncomfortable mentioning her concerns but has your DD best interests at heart.

I am a CM and it is a pain when children come dresses in expensive/best clothes as we often have messy play and things have a habit of getting through coveralls.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/05/2014 16:33

Your CM is totally right.

Why is your 11 month old still on pureed food and baby food - that is ludicrous

So just because you and DH don't eat fruit and veg you aren't going to give any to your child.

I am pretty laid back regarding DS's diet but even to me that sounds awful and no wonder the CM< has said something.

Plus agree on the clothes - she isn't a doll or a play thing so send her in appropriate stuff.

WooWooOwl · 22/05/2014 16:33

Your really need to take your childminders advice.

It's good advice that you needed to hear, and now you have heard it, you need to adhere to all of it for your daughters sake. You will harm her health if you feed her crap and you will hamper her physical development and maybe even be asking for her to get injured if you don't dress her properly.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 22/05/2014 16:33

Personally- for your child's benefit i would offer the CMer more on her hourly rate to make your DD's meals herself as she stands a better chance of having teeth insead of rotted stumps when she's 3 that way.

Ploppy16 · 22/05/2014 16:33

May I suggest getting a decent cookery book and teaching yourself? Delia Smith is a good start. I don't criticise how other people feed their children usually but that isn't good.

HecatePropylaea · 22/05/2014 16:33

Yes, your cm is right, imo.
She's not attacking you, she's trying to help you. Your child needs clothes that are appropriate to the activity and enviromnment. Looking pretty in little dresses is not a priority for a person, only for a doll. Put your child in comfy, practical clothes that are warm enough.

and yes, get some help with her diet. There is room for improvement. What you describe is not the healthiest diet for a young child.

notapizzaeater · 22/05/2014 16:33

You need to send proper food, not so much processed. Dd needs to get used to veg and fruit now whilst she's small otherwise she will end up like you not eating them.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 22/05/2014 16:34

Jeez, that diet is appalling!!

Your MIL does a weeks worth of veg?! By day seven that must be deeeeelicious!!

I would suggest you start eating better and in turn your DD will

SugarMiceInTheRain · 22/05/2014 16:35

Gravy is very salty - when doing a roast dinner I wouldn't put gravy on a baby's food. Also mini cheddars are loaded in salt, as are tinned spaghetti hoops.

As much as I love dressing my DD in girly clothes, I agree with your CM about dresses - just not practical. Warm and comfy all the way.

Mordirig · 22/05/2014 16:36

That's a LOT of rubbish to feed a baby.
You don't need to be a good cook to make simple healthy dishes.
Porridge is very quick and easy for breakfast, you can add chopped up apple/banana or berries to it for a sweeter taste.
Whole meal sandwich with cream cheese and tuna or cucumber and steamed veggie sticks ( you can even buy packs of prepared fruit and veg if you can't be bothered )
Gradually water her juice down until it is basically water.

I think you should be thankful for such a good childminder.
I understand you probably haven't intended to feed your child crap, but rather you just never learnt and have a mental block on what is acceptable so go easy on yourself and try to learn bits from the childminder.
It doesn't mean you are a bad parent, we all have areas we have and still struggle with.

Mckayz · 22/05/2014 16:36

That diet is really bad. Too much sugar and salt. Of course she will drink water.