Childminder criticised my parenting

[PrincessMummy13]

My 11 month old DD recently started at a childminders when I returned to work. Have known childminder for years, she is lovely and my DD is always happy to see her and happy when I pick her up.
However when I picked DD she asked to have a word as she had a couple of issues.
She has said I don't dress my girl appropriately for the setting and for her development. I like to dress my DD nicely in pretty, girly dresses and little cardigans, she looks so cute in them.
The childminder said that my DD is often too cold and the dresses get in the way when DD is rolling round on the floor etc.
She suggested I keep the frilly dresses for parties and put DD in leggings and tops for her house.
She then went on to say the food I give to DD is not really appropriate either. She said I give her too much sugary and salty foods and not enough lumps.
She said she only has my DD's interests at heart and she was really worried about saying something as she didn't want to attack me.
WWYD?

Seriously OP? You can't cook? Can you use a fork to mash an avocado? Can you boil an egg? Can you chop a carrot and use a saucepan?

Your DD won't drink water because you give her juice. Please rethink this.

Your "princess" is going to end up with rotten teeth and a whole host of health issues. The NHS does some great basic recipes for kids' meals.

Your CM sounds very sensible.

Listen to your CM. It was very brave of her to risk you reacting badly and speak to you anyway, and she is talking a lot of sense. There is way too much salt and sugar and nowhere near enough texture in that list IMO, and I am generally very "live and let live" about DC's diets. Could you ask the CM for suggestions, or get some cookery books on cooking for toddlers out of the library? It doesn't have to be complicated.

OP your CM has just done you a big favour. The food you're giving your DD is high in salt, fat and sugar and totally inappropriate for an 11-month-old. Mini-cheddars? The salt content is much too high for a baby. As for all that custard and fromage frais and fruit juice - loads and loads of sugar.

Its hard to take criticism - particularly when it comes to your parenting skills - but you really should buy a simple cookbook of child-friendly meals and start learning to cook. There are loads if you go in a bookshop and go to the children's health section or look on Amazon for Annabel Karmel or the Mumnset or Netmums cookbooks - they're full of really easy, healthy recipes that you and your DH could also eat if you make several portions at once. Your CM has your DD's best interests at heart, so please swallow your pride and listen to her. She's trained in child nutrition, among other things, so she knows what she's talking about.

And please put her in some clothes she can roll around and get messy in. DC need to paint and draw and climb and get muddy. Dressing her in clothes she can't run around and get dirty in will hinder her development.

Boots do a baby/toddler gravy don't they? If you want to just cook for her (or learn to) then Tana Ramsey and Annabel Karmel do good children's recipes and meal plans.

I hope she phrased it gently, but your CM is right. That's not a suitable diet for an 11-month old, and for everyday play tops and leggings (or if you prefer, shortish jersey dresses and leggings. Or top and trousers or shorts) will be much more practical (save the gorgeous dresses for special occasions).

You need to learn how to cook healthy meals and stop with the ready meal crap, yogurt and desserts seem to be the staple of your baby's meals. The child minder is right to have a word, your daughter eats far to much processed food.

Some of the foods you give her I give to mine but not every day as they are for a treat at the weekends. You need to educate yourself on how to cook and thank your childminder for giving you a heads up. She has your daughters best interests at heart, it's not easy to hear but she means no badness.

Oh and the clothes thing goes without saying. Leggings and tops are ideal for this age group and much more comfortable for DD.

I am not a good cook but it's really easy to follow a recipe and make decent food for your children.

When I first saw the heading I thought what a cheek your CM had. But really she is not criticising your parenting. She is only making a suggestion that your DD wear different clothes more appropriate to the activities they do.

I wouldn't look at it as a criticism of your parenting, she is just doing her job. Just see her as helping you out.

I agree with the others about getting a simple cookbook and learning to cook. Parents should really lead by example when it comes to diet.

Next sunday go to your MILs early and help her make the dinner. Make DH do it the following week.

Repeat each week. Changing what she's teaching you until you can both make some basic healthy meals.

Have you sensible health visitors? Could you ask for some ideas of some easy healthier food for her?
Would you like some ideas from us?

I didn't read the food bit but I agree, that's far too much sugar and salt. I think that you and DH need to force yourself to eat fruit and vegetables to set an example to your DD.

I'm the World's Worst Cook™, just ask DH! Seriously, i burn cornflakes! But really it doesn't take much effort to shove a chicken breast in the oven and boil some peas and potatoes on the hob.

That diet is really not right for a 11 month old and your diet sound appalling.

No fruit or veg and living off ready meals. I think it would be beneficial for the whole family to start learning what a heathy diet is.

An example

Breakfast :- readybrek made with milk and a banana.
Dinner :- spag Bol and a fruit compot for dessert
Tea :- fish in butter sauce, mash potato sweetcorn and peas

Snacks :- fruit, yogurts and cheese cubes, crackers.
Drinks :- water, milk or watered down juice.

Your child won't look very pretty in her girly dresses as she'll end up with no teeth if you keep giving her juice.

Listen to your CM, she sounds a good egg and as she said she is advising not attacking you.

You don't actually have to be Gordon Ramsey to feed a child, just don't feed them sugary/salty foods. She gets slated a lot but if you really have no idea then get the Annabel Karmel baby bible - easy recipes that you can freeze. She even does menu plans and sandwich ideas.

You could ask your CM what she would suggest.

I agree with cm. I couldn't cook when I first had dc either. A simple cookbook solved that problem.

Buy a cook book and start cooking that will solve the bad diet. But you haven't answered posters who have pointed out how dresses just aren't practical for every day play.

Is this a reverse AIBU?

So when your MIL cooks a roast, what do you eat?

Perhaps you could take over the veg that MIL does at least-that wouldn't take long to do.

Think of meals you would like, look online & batch cook at the weekend?

Start with easy stuff like chili, spag bol?

This reads as tailor-made to rile as many MNetters as possible.

If it is remotely based in reality, dress your daughter in clothes she can move in and feed her a balanced diet. Your local library will have easy cookbooks or your SureStart centre/HV can advise. To be honest if you are still in contact with your HV I would be very surprised if your DD's woeful nutrition hasn't already been flagged up.

I would honestly go as far as to knock the juice completely on the head at this age or you find it really hard as she gets older. Milk or water is all an 11 month old needs.

My goodness. You do not have to be a good cook to boil up some carrot slices or bung some frozen peas in the microwave. You don't have to be a cook at all to peel a banana or open a punnet of strawberries. Does your dd really eat no fresh food at all that isn't prepared by your MIL? This sn't really sustainable - what do you plan to feed her when she is 3, or 7, or 10?

I am not surprised your childminder said something. I think the best thing you can do is take her advice.

Honestly op I think you're childminder is right, though I do understand it must be hard to hear. Your dd needs to roll around, play get muddy, messy etc for her development. Also her diet does not sound good, too little texture, too much salt and sugar.
Before I had dd I was generally considered to be the worst cook in the world (I could burn pasta!) but I learnt and quickly, you can start simply just avocado, vegetables, eggs, pasta with fresh tomato sauce etc.
lots of colleges offer courses as well to teach the basics, or your maybe ask you mil?
It must have taken a lot for your childminder to talk to you, be pleased she cares enough and remember she wasn't criticising you but trying to do her best for your dd, which is what matters here.

Here would be my amendment to what she currently eats. I'm not aiming for perfect, just better.

Dd's usual food would be, rusk mashed with milk for breakfast and a fruit pot.
Replace this with weetabix or porridge with some actual fruit

Two little fromage frais yoghurts or a little cake for morning snack
Replace this with oatcake and cheese, or fruit and fromage frais or carrot sticks and hummus

Puréed veg, mash and gravy (mil cooks us a weeks worth when we go for Sunday dinner) and a pot of custard for lunch.
Wafer thin chicken sandwich with cucumber sticks

Cheese or barbecue rice cake or mini cheddars for afternoon snack,
As morning snack

Tin of spaghetti hoops mashed or a meal made up from dried baby food and more yoghurts or custard for tea.

Pasta with tomato sauce and sweetcorn with ham, or fish fingers with potato wedges with peas etc etc

She drinks baby juice as she won't drink water.
Water or milk to drink.

She's not criticising your parenting.

She's giving helpful and constructive advice and is right. Take it on board and make some changes.