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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder criticised my parenting

216 replies

PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 16:12

My 11 month old DD recently started at a childminders when I returned to work. Have known childminder for years, she is lovely and my DD is always happy to see her and happy when I pick her up.
However when I picked DD she asked to have a word as she had a couple of issues.
She has said I don't dress my girl appropriately for the setting and for her development. I like to dress my DD nicely in pretty, girly dresses and little cardigans, she looks so cute in them.
The childminder said that my DD is often too cold and the dresses get in the way when DD is rolling round on the floor etc.
She suggested I keep the frilly dresses for parties and put DD in leggings and tops for her house.
She then went on to say the food I give to DD is not really appropriate either. She said I give her too much sugary and salty foods and not enough lumps.
She said she only has my DD's interests at heart and she was really worried about saying something as she didn't want to attack me.
WWYD?

OP posts:

Arky · 22/05/2014 18:12

I don't think you needed to ask for other people's opinions on this.

Tinkerball · 22/05/2014 18:13

Sorry I wasn't intending to annoy anyone

Well what on earth was your intention? This thread will now be filled up with people like me who are really angry or alternatively as always people who havent seen its a reverse and continue to reply to your first post!! Whats the point?

MuddlingMackem · 22/05/2014 18:17

Don't see the issue with putting babies and toddlers in dresses, providing the parents aren't fussed if they get dirty or paint spattered.

My DD was always in dresses as they were so much easier for nappy changes than leggings or trousers - she was a serious wriggler and parents of boys who were the same were very envious I had the dress option! About the only trousers I put her in regularly were dungarees with the poppers around the legs. Dresses never impeded her crawling, she was a right speedy gonzalez!

Forgettable · 22/05/2014 18:17

I know the thread will prob go, but here's my thoughts, a bit quick

Tell the parents that you have been reflecting on your practice and you think that you are going to overhaul catering arrangements and take it on yourself.

Get thee to a charity shop/local FB selling group and get in suitable clothes, leggings, joggers, tops, wellies, change the child into them for activities, couch it in terms of keeping the parents' life simple and easy, juggling work and family life, let's ease the burden for you parents a bit by laundering the wet day/painting/scrabbling through the woods clothes here

Original poster

PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 18:26

I did want opinions as this is a relationship I value and feeding and clothing children are very personal and emotive topics.

The baby is cold most of the time, I have a sliding glass door open nearly all day so the children can play outside in a covered but open air play space.
I didn't realise the extent of the food before now though was aware of my friends diet.
Previously I only saw the baby eating fruit pots or baby food jars which not ideal but not terrible. They asked my advice about early weaning and ignored it.

OP posts:

redandchecker · 22/05/2014 18:28

OP we would have still been able to give you views about how we would feel if it hadn't been a reverse.
is there any particular reason you are worried? Is she likely to react badly? Do you have extra clothes you can put on the child when she is there so she is not cold?

Say you need to promote healthy eating and lifestyle as a child minder and give her some information sheets on the dangers of certain foods and quick and easy recipes.

fuzzpig · 22/05/2014 18:40

I don't think the thread should be pulled, I'm not bothered by reverse threads. Your concerns are indeed valid.

It would be good if you can provide the food and she pays a bit extra, that's what my CM does (but mine are older, so not sure if rules are different for babies) - at least then most of her diet would be healthy

Original poster

PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 18:42

It's just because I was trying to see things from my friends viewpoint. The views on the clothes are totally hers, she never wears trousers either.

OP posts:

Waltonswatcher1 · 22/05/2014 18:48

What a dire thread , you needed people to confirm kids need warm appropriate clothes and well balanced diets ?

QuintessentiallyQS · 22/05/2014 18:49

" I have a sliding glass door open nearly all day" keeping mindees in draft all day long is not really that great either.

Letting them roam in and out seems lazy to me. Is there any structure to their play?

Dont you cook for your mindees? I thought CMs cooked.

andsmile · 22/05/2014 18:49

oh some folk need to straighten their knickers out on this thread.

Can see how a full skirted dress is not practical. So yes valid.

I also think it shows caring and on the ball to mention the foods.

She shouldbe on finger food inc fruit n veg - can this mum not read all the advice given.

Hard to mention but think a lot of tact required,

oldgrandmama · 22/05/2014 18:52

Good grief, if the baby is cold, why don't you, as her Child Minder, pop a warm cardigan or sweater on her? Honestly, it's hardly rocket science to work out what to do.

HayDayQueen · 22/05/2014 18:55

I have a sliding glass door open nearly all day so the children can play outside in a covered but open air play space.

You shouldn't have a door open all day. You can get heavy plastic blind type things that children can go through but that keep the room warmer.

oldgrandmama · 22/05/2014 18:58

... and another thing, a close relative of mine was a registered child minder. She provided a good, nutritious, home made lunch and tea for the children (and sometimes breakfast). If she'd noticed a child was cold she'd have make it warm with extra clothing. She would have had no problem gently suggesting to a parent her worries about the sort of things the OP is positing. She had a waiting list of parents as long as her arm and the highest rating with ?OFSTED. She used her common sense at all times. Sorry - but she'd have thought it ridiculous to post this sort of reverse thread on MN. The OP, if she is a childminder, ought to know what to do with regard to this particular mother, not have to post here to canvass opinions. Really.

Clarabum · 22/05/2014 19:02

What a pain in the arse thread, here's me being all sympathetic.

QuintessentiallyQS · 22/05/2014 19:03

I dont believe it is a reverse.

I dont believe op is a CM.

I think the OP is a very young mum who is struggling a bit with motherhood.

hakunafrittata · 22/05/2014 19:04

What makes me (almost) smile is the fact that if the CM posted as herself you can be sure that the reactions would have been more along the lines of 'If you you were my childminder, I would have told you to fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more,' or 'You are judgy' or'Are you a dietician OP?'

I think you were right to reverse this, in a way.

erin99 · 22/05/2014 19:05

A fruit pot, 2 fromage frais, and 2 pots of custard in one day? That is a lot of sugary gloop. Nothing wrong with these things but I would limit it to one pot a day, not 5. For the rest use actual fruit for the other pudding and savoury stuff like crackers, breadsticks, oatcakes with a bit of cheese maybe for other snacks.

At 11m she can have normal cereal like rice crispies and weetabix. Much lower in sugar than rusks. For tea she can have sandwiches, toast etc. Re drinks, have you tried diluting it very gradually until it is eventually just a dash of juice, then plain water? Dresses... One of the joys of childcare is they get to do stuff I'm too precious to let them do at home much, like messy play with baked beans, digging in mud, finger painting. Nursery clothes that you don't mind getting trashed are essential to her doing all the fun stuff! I suspect your CM is partly worried you'll go mad if 'nice', expensive clothes are spoiled. Which they will be. First rule of dressing toddlers: no white, ever!!

Casmama · 22/05/2014 19:06

I think people need to calm down and the thread should be left to stand. There is some good advice being offered and I imagine many people struggle to know what to feed babies.

FunnyFoot · 22/05/2014 19:07

I only said the OP was goady. Not a T R O L L!!!

Damn stupid reverse threads

Delphiniumsblue · 22/05/2014 19:07

Whoever has written it -the answer is to get some old clothes from a charity shop and dress the child appropriately for activities and change them back for going home. Eat healthily for the sessions and leave them to eat what they want at home without comment.

restandpeace · 22/05/2014 19:10

I couldnt cook when i had dd but bought a simple cookbook and taught myself.

Original poster

PrincessMummy13 · 22/05/2014 19:20

More than likely if I had posted this as me there would have been tumbleweeds blowing across the screen.

Like I said if this was just a regular family I would feel happy to relay my concerns in a professional capacity. If the parents didn't like the advice and left it would at worst be bad for my business.
It is my friendship that makes this difficult. If my friend is offended and I feel she will be I have a lot more to lose.

OP posts:

MrsDeanAmbrose · 22/05/2014 19:20

It might be an annoying reverse but I've had some nice ideas about meals for my DS from it, so thanks to everyone who posted, your time has not been entirely wasted (no, I'm not feeding my child processed food etc, but I have a limited repetoire so its nice to have other ideas)

QuintessentiallyQS · 22/05/2014 19:22

As a childminder, why do you not provide a cooked lunch?

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