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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My gob is well and truly smacked - AIBU to think this is the grabbiest thing ever?

214 replies

WhatTheActualFuckIsThis · 20/05/2014 21:02

I received an event invite via Facebook recently, along with roughly 100 other people. No event is actually taking place, it's described as 'virtual'.

It's from a couple who have decided never to get married or have children. They go on to explain they've enjoyed celebrating their friends' big occasions over the years and they consider their recent building work to their house to be the equivalent. A gift list has been attached. There is nothing on the gift list worth less than £30, apart from the option to send a voucher starting from £1.

I should mention that I've never met this couple before. I don't consider them to be friends or even acquaintances. The people invited are mostly from the same tight-knit internet community that has drifted apart in recent years. I've never had so much as a PM or a private conversation with either of them.

I am not alone in my 'WTAF?' moment and a friend who was also invited to the 'event' described it as the exact opposite of when you're invited to a wedding and people say they value presence over presents.

So... I throw it open to you, Mumsnet. Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is the grabbiest thing ever?

OP posts:
ScrambledEggAndToast · 21/05/2014 21:14

PLEASE put a screen shot on here!! I'm agog GrinGrin This is truly one of the most WTF things I have ever heard of.

Original poster
WhatTheActualFuckIsThis · 21/05/2014 21:14

I'm beginning to regret starting this now. I knew there was a chance other invitees would pop up but I didn't think they'd be careless enough to post identifying information. Sad

OP posts:
NCToProtectTheInnocent · 21/05/2014 21:16

Up to 7 invitees posting here now. I feel quite shunned. I was in the same Internet group but haven't been invited. So it wasn't an all friends list add, there was some sort of reasoning behind it.

I'm not sure if I should feel proud that I must exude an anti BS aura, or slighted that I am perceived as cheap.

No, it wasn't WOW. It was a shared interest sort of thing which split and moved a bit, getting smaller with each move until it ended with around 200 active members.

MNHQ
EllenMumsnet · 21/05/2014 21:16

'Evening all. Just to let you know that we've deleted the link to the gift list as it 'outed' someone in RL. We didn't think it was too kind pass on their gift ideas in this context. Anyone fancy a cocoa Brew?

SuffolkNWhat · 21/05/2014 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WhatTheActualFuckIsThis · 21/05/2014 21:19

Thanks EllenMumsnet. There is still one more post that leads to identifying information. It's the link posted by Grabbylist. Please can you delete that too.

OP posts:
stravagante · 21/05/2014 21:23

I assumed it was all people who were good friends with the hostess. I am quite good friends with her irl...

fuzzpig · 21/05/2014 21:23

I don't think I could restrain myself from posting "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" or something.

Crazy.

Original poster
WhatTheActualFuckIsThis · 21/05/2014 21:26

I'm considering asking for this entire thread to be deleted. I'm not pleased with the turn it's taken. I never wanted the person to be 'outed'. I do think she's a nice person who has happened to have made a huge faux pas. I guess I should have thought more about the consequences of starting this.

OP posts:
stravagante · 21/05/2014 21:30

Yes. I do think it has gone a little awry. Having said that I do think the virtual event thing is odd out of the blue the way it was and I so feel it's social gauche ness rather than obnoxiousness but I may have my rose tinted specs on!

Arky · 21/05/2014 21:32

It's a joke! Surely no one can think this is serious. Confused

Original poster
WhatTheActualFuckIsThis · 21/05/2014 21:40

I've asked for the thread to be pulled. I'm not at all happy that people posted identifying information and I'm not confident that more won't pop up and do the same. Some of the people invited to that event have huge mouths and no sense of when to keep them shut. If that rings a bell, then yes, I'm talking about you.

Well, it was almost another 'glue' thread while it lasted...

OP posts:
MNHQ
EllenMumsnet · 21/05/2014 21:53

Hi again. All links identifying people in RL have now been deleted. Please report any threads that 'out' the people in question, as that really goes against the spirit of the site.
Brasso Grin

MrMacadoo · 21/05/2014 21:56

good idea WTAF. this poor womans FB page has probably had more hits tonight than in the past few months put together

ohnoitisntme · 21/05/2014 22:30

Another member of that group here, with an invite. Seems like there's a few of us here! I do think/hope it's more of a misguided humour thing than a real grabby thing as I really like the lady concerned and like to think she would be horrified to cause a mumsnet AIBU thread of her own!

slowcomputer · 21/05/2014 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

slowcomputer · 21/05/2014 22:35

NB the word smile at the end of the first line was a smily emoticon

SinisterBuggyMonth · 21/05/2014 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fram · 21/05/2014 23:33

Well OP- YABU because you won't tell us what type of group this is, and how you know these grabby people!

Lumineer · 21/05/2014 23:42

I had time to look at the list. I must say for such grabby people, they have very good taste. I love the teacups and the print. I might get one for a London loving friend's 40th.

Nothing has been purchased from the list though!

I wonder if they can see a 'view' or page visitor count. They might get excited if it's really high.

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 22/05/2014 08:27

Really sorry Slowcomputer but I have reported your post as it seems to be edging quite close to outing the couple in question.

Having said that, I am glad I read it (what a hypocrite!) because in fact I am now inclined to the view that the whole thing was just a jolly jape on the part of the couple which has horribly misfired!

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 22/05/2014 08:28

I now realise that I have pretty much repeated what ohnoitisntme said.

Should RTFT!

Ooops!

Hedgesinthewind · 22/05/2014 08:57

Sounds like they've probably been victim to a fair few grabby brides and grooms over the years and they are fighting back! They may also have been watching Sex And The City

This.

Been there,done that. Not married,never had all the presents. I had a lot of sympathy for Carrie in that SATC episode.

flightywoman · 22/05/2014 13:55

It's not compulsory to go to weddings, or to buy presents...

And if you choose not to do those life events then that's absolutely your prerogative, but it's not the fault of anyone else that has had weddings you've been to and to whom you've given a present. It really isn't.

Viviennemary · 22/05/2014 13:58

I'd just take a photograph of a nice gift and send them that.