My gob is well and truly smacked - AIBU to think this is the grabbiest thing ever?

[WhatTheActualFuckIsThis]

I received an event invite via Facebook recently, along with roughly 100 other people. No event is actually taking place, it's described as 'virtual'.

It's from a couple who have decided never to get married or have children. They go on to explain they've enjoyed celebrating their friends' big occasions over the years and they consider their recent building work to their house to be the equivalent. A gift list has been attached. There is nothing on the gift list worth less than £30, apart from the option to send a voucher starting from £1.

I should mention that I've never met this couple before. I don't consider them to be friends or even acquaintances. The people invited are mostly from the same tight-knit internet community that has drifted apart in recent years. I've never had so much as a PM or a private conversation with either of them.

I am not alone in my 'WTAF?' moment and a friend who was also invited to the 'event' described it as the exact opposite of when you're invited to a wedding and people say they value presence over presents.

So... I throw it open to you, Mumsnet. Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is the grabbiest thing ever?

It's come to something when peoples friendships are measured by what they have spent on you and what they expect you to spend on them in return.

If I knew them and had invited them to my wedding I'd be posting a little breakdown of the costs involved in having them as a guest I think.... Dinner, bar, etc etc

But in your position I'd be writing "Are you on glue....?"

What? How could the couple think their non-event event was in any way acceptable? Trying to imagine what the conversation & planning process was like & why neither of them spotted that it was rude, grabby and just a bit weird.

Think you should send them a virtual fondue set.

your name is sooo perfect for this....what the actual fuck????

craaaazzzzyyyy

It is ridiculously grabby.

Is that really widespread - the buying presents just to get them back? Do people keep score like that? I'm fairly sure that there were people at my wedding who did not buy a present, perhaps I should have started a little list.

My grandfather called that kind of behaviour "cutlet for cutlet", it's bad form.

I might decorate the spare bedroom and set up a gift list, can you chip in for a chandelier, some swanky bed-linen and a nice lamp? Plzkthnx.

Virtual fondue set

Ooh, I love this idea. Seeing as I've posted on mn I consider you all close friends . I am currently having a Tuesday party and am accepting cash gifts, pm me you emails and I'll send a PayPal invoice.

Don't worry if you don't have it today, you can always gift for my Wednesday party

Has anyone replied/commented?

I couldn't not comment to be honest

The list seems to be a mix, but very indiscriminate, which is why I'm so gobsmacked. I can get my head around the idea of having a non-wedding, but the way they've gone about it seems incredibly rude.

I think it should have been an actual event in a hall, or even just down the pub, then the request wouldn't seem so odd. It does very much read like 'We have been keeping count all these years of what we've spent on other people and we would like you to spend that on us now'.

Ooh, I love this idea. Seeing as I've posted on mn I consider you all close friends . I am currently having a Tuesday party and am accepting cash gifts, pm me you emails and I'll send a PayPal invoice.

Don't worry if you don't have it today, you can always gift for my Wednesday party

www.iflowers.com/vir/vir_gallery_date.asp

Virtual flowers. Flowers are a great gift in all situations.. virtual ones are even better ;)

Weird. At the very least have a house warming party since this is about the completion of their renovations. Then include an optional gift list for said housewarming if they're so determined to recoup costs from their various wedding, births, engagements parties etc over the years.

People have commented but they look to be real life friends and they're talking about going to visit. No mention anywhere of people going 'Yes, I'll buy you a gift' or 'Good idea!'.

So it's a case of 'We value your presents over your presence'?

They've definitely been watching too much SATC....

Just send them a virtual oxfam water well

I actually think it'd be even ruder if they were "RL" friends.

RSVP to say that you can't attend their virtual event as you are already attending another virtual event that same evening.

Or that you would love to have been able to attend, but can't get a babysitter.

I assume there is no chance of a link to this monstrosity?

Incidentally I, too, am in the invite group with the OP!

And I am still trying to get my head around the mindset that appears to have not taken joy from being included in dear friends' special moments and life events but rather has chalked it up as some kind of debt that needs to be repaid.

I liked this girl before, I am very disappointed in her.

I sort of get where they are coming from tbh...especially if they have had a lot of expense related to the life choices of other people in recent years.

Could be a new trend.

I quite like the idea...£30 and no further hassle/expense.

They should have just said gimme your money. How grabby.

How many people have been 'invited'?

If you all put in about 30p could you give a farmer somewhere some manure in honour of someone else having had the builders in? You could write something fitting about shit in the e-card you collectively send to the weirdos.

Me too, Flightywoman, she always seemed so nice. I'm hoping this wasn't a calculated grab and more of a not very well thought out idea.

I'm not brave enough to show you all the actual invitation I'm afraid.

But Georgina, no one HAS to go to things they're invited to...it is optional. And no one has to buy a new outfit or whatever.

If one is always going to be chalking up a tally of who owes what it makes for a pretty miserable time.