To think we are all ready to remove to Inter V at the Chalet School.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

New thread for all the Chalet School fans!

white = white slave business

Hahaha. Loving the staff room insights here.

Darrell Rivers sauntered casually into Leafy Dorm behind one of the prefects. "Everyone, this is a new girl. Make her feel welcome" the prefect instructed.
"I bags the bed by the window" said Darrell throwing her hockey stick across the eiderdown and sitting down with a sigh.
"Er, that's my bed. I always have the bed by the window" said a rosy cheeked girl with her hair in plaits.
"I bagsed it first" asserted Darrell. "Who are you anyway?".
"I'm Mary Lou" said the rosy cheeked girl smugly.
"MaryLou"? Darrell stared. "But Mary Lou is a quiet timid girl who looks up to me and thinks I'm wonderful".
"I don't think so" said Mary Lou removing the hockey stick from the bed and sitting down firmly alongside Darrell.
"Well, we can argue about it later" said Darrell haughtily. "By the way who was that frightfully common looking girl that I passed in the corridor just now? Cheaply pretty with a ghastly hair style".

"Oh that sounds like Joan Baker" said Vi, "poor girl. She knows no better".
"I bet she's secretly a cowardly thief or cheats at exams" said Darrell "girls like that are usually hiding something. I shall follow her tonight and find out".

Follow her? The girls stared. "We're not allowed out of bed at night" one of them said, "Matey would go mad and Miss Annersley would be very disappointed in us".

Now it was Darrell's turn to stare. "But that's what boarding school's about" she cried, "all the most exciting things happen at night. What about midnight feasts?"

"Oh we don't have any of those" said Maeve Bettany, shocked.
"There was one years ago" said Verity in her silvery voice "and a girl called Thekla ate raw bacon and was expelled".
"Well I don't think that's why she was expelled" said Mary Lou patiently "but yes, midnight feasts are definitely a very serious misdemeanour. And by the way you lot, we should be talking French today? Do you speak any French Darrell?"

"Not really" said Darrell cheerfully "but that's not important. Isn't the whole point of French classes to play tricks on silly gullible French teachers? I have some sneezing powder in my bag and a whoopee cushion as well. I can't wait".

"Are you quite mad" said Mary Lou crisply - but the truth was dawning on both Darrell and Vi Lucy.
"I say" said Darrell "I'm at the wrong school, aren't I?", at the same time as Vi said "Are you by any chance meant to be in Cornwall"?

"This is the Chalet School, isn't it" said Darrell "you're all awfully prim and proper and hero worship a woman called Joey?"

The girls nodded eagerly "that's right. And you're a Malory Towers girl aren't you - a snobby bully with a hot temper"?

"Yes, that's it" said Darrell, "Oh dear, what are we going to do".

Just then Mrs Rivers came rushing into the room. "Oh Darrell" she cried, we're in the wrong school. Enid is simply furious and I believe Elinor BD isn't too happy either. Apparently we've mucked up their stories. At least, I think they said 'mucked up', I'm sure they're far too ladylike to say anything else. Do hurry up dear, your father's blowing the horn impatiently......"

Loving those

Oh, and nice connection back to the original thread that started all this.

for summer - there's no word for it but tophole

Miss Annersley turned from the window where she had been gazing, with keen grey-or-blue-depending-on-the-book eyes that had never yet needed glasses, out upon the splendours of the Jungfrau.

"Joey," she remarked. "Have you heard from Madge recently? I can't help but feel as if she's rather abandoned us these days. First Canada and now Australia! It all seems a bit, well, odd, don't you think, that Dr Jem didn't want to come out here and join the San."

Her hostess paused in her task of pouring out English tea and sneakily gobbling Anna's best lemon biscuits. Not this again, she thought. I quite thought they'd all have forgotten Madge by now. After all, they have me! What more could they want? After all the effort I went to, persuading Madge to move to Canada to get her out of the way, she had to go and come back! What did she want to do that for? I didn't want to do it, but she forced my hand. And these ungrateful people keep harping on about her. Time for another 'letter from Australia', I think.

Joey surreptitiously kicked Bruno under the table and in the ensuing chaos Miss Annersley's question was forgotten. Once she had her guest settled and the subject well and truly changed, Joey rose from her seat and went to look out over the rose garden...the garden that had started life as a cabbage patch. There had been so much digging that a little bit more had gone unnoticed...and now there was only one Bettany sister in the limelight.

Joey turned back to her former Head Mistress. "And now, Hilda, tell me all the hanes!" she cried gaily. "Any new girls this term?"

Thanks Wilson

Cheddar wow!

You people are brilliant!!

This is a great thread.

I am loving the new stories! Absolutely topping work!

Absolutely ripping, summer and Cheddar!

"Con! Con Maynard! What's THAT?"

Con blushed prettily as her left hand was seized. The tasteful sapphire-and-diamond ring twinkled on her third finger and the entire form gasped.

"Con! You're - you're engaged!" cried Margot.

"Aren't you awfully young?" said Len doubtfully, her grey eyes worried.

"Don't be silly," scoffed Emerence Hope, "girls grow up much younger here, don't forget. By the way, does anyone know what a firebrand is?"

"Never mind that, tell us everything Con!" exclaimed Ruey, "who is the lucky man?"

"He's called Matthew Jones," Con began shyly. The other girls exchanged puzzled glances.

"Is that the new doctor in the San?" asked Ted Grantley. Con shook her head.

"Jones...Jones...which Old Girl is he the brother of?" Len said ungrammatically.

"He isn't anyone's brother," Con said, "he's an only child."

"Lucky him," muttered Felicity Maynard under her breath.

"Oh I know!" said Margot confidently, with a toss of her auburn curls, "he must be the chap who presented you with that writing prize last term. I thought he looked at you awfully keenly."

"He's none of those things," Con said simply, "I met him in a bar. We had several dates, we went away for the weekend, we went on holiday together, I stayed at his house a few times, we talked about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, discussed the future and now he has asked me to marry him. You know, like normal people."

There was stunned silence. At last, Ruey said what they were all thinking.

"You mean...he isn't an insignificant minor character who you barely know?"

"Nope," said Con smugly, "I've had sex with him and everything."

Margot gasped, went white and fainted. Len leapt up and fled the room, with a cry of"I'm going for Mamma!" At the doorway she encountered Matron, carrying a glass of champagne and a small sachet of powder. "Oh Matey!" Len sobbed, "you'll never guess - "

"It's alright Len," said that martinet grimly, "I've heard all about it." Using the girl's body to shield her from view of the architect of the piece, she deftly tipped the contents of the sachet into the glass. "Now, let's just give Con this glass of champagne to celebrate," she looked meaningfully at Len, "and then I'm sure we'll all have a lovely peaceful end to the term after all..."

Very funny!!!

Love it Select.

Brilliant writing Cheddar & Select!

‘Nurse’s prophecy was way off,’ thought a disgruntled Mary-Lou as she stood in front of the mirror, surveying the shock of hair that shot out in all directions. ‘I look like I’m permanently attached to Bill’s van der graaf generator,’ and she yanked her gentian blue school beret over her head before marching into the breakfast room of the Penny Rest where she was to stay for the rest of the Christmas holidays.
‘The Penny Rest? In winter? What am I supposed to do there?’ she’d complained at the time.
‘The clue’s in the name,’ snapped Clem as she shunted her into the train at Paddington.
‘But it’s not so bad after all,’ decided Mary-Lou, loading pastries onto her plate. ‘Not now that high school exchange group is staying here.’
‘Over here Mary-Lou. I saved you a seat.’ Mary-Lou looked up. It was the girl with the pink hair, the one they called Frenchy.
‘Wow. Those sexy San doctors will be queuing up to check you out,’ drawled Rizzo, running her dark eyes appraisingly over Mary-Lou’s curves.
‘Shut up,’ Mary-Lou hissed, but she couldn’t help glancing at her reflection in the windows. Rizzo had taken her shopping yesterday. The wonder bra and girdle had worked magic. Nobody could call her sturdy now.
Marty, the pretty one with eyes like pansies, frowned. ‘But carbs, Mary-Lou? We’ve been through this. You’ll pile on the pounds if you eat that muck again.’
‘Yeah,’ agreed chubby Jan, reaching for a cake. ‘And your accident will have all been for nothing.’
‘Not for nothing,’ giggled Frenchy and she passed a home perm kit across the table. ‘Shall we go upstairs?’

Love the idea that Mary Lou's curls are not the natural result of shaving her head! Same scientific basis as Bill's hair going white overnight, methinks.

Select, they had sex???! Shame on you! CS girls don't have sex! They just wish for quads and they happen.

CS girls don't have sex! They just wish for quads and they happen.

I didn't think CS girls even went to the toilet!

Yep, they go on day long expeditions up the mountains and you never hear of them having to disappear behind a tree for a call of nature.

Wow, there are some epic tales in the Sally Denny Library. It's taken me a day and counting to read one about Joey's alternative life as a spy/film star.

Is it sad that I have finally signed up for mumsnet (instead of lurking in AIBU), just for this thread?

I adore the Chalet School books, even though I'm probably old enough to know better! My husband can't understand it, though I can't really blame him!

Now, who do I need to slip some drugged milk into, to get these transcripts I see mentioned? :)

Popped back to this thread after a couple of days (I've been down in Interlaken getting my teeth extracted and eating Kugelhopf) to find even more wonderful tales. Sheherazade, Summer, TooExtra, Select, FruitPudding - you are all surely contenders for the Margot Venables Prize!

JoeyMaynardsghost - I was thinking the same thing with regard to calls of nature etc. Whenever the Chalet girls get caught in a blizzard/avalanche, they end up sheltering in a herdsmen's hut (sometimes with actual herdsmen, if my memory serves me), and not once do they moan "I'm dying for a slash" whilst Miss Wilson makes hot chocolate from melted snow and bits of chocolate.

Also - having just read "Redheads" - Val was drugged for about 3 days by the evil (yet train-ticket-buying) criminals. Surely problems with dehydration and bathroom issues whilst unconscious??

Do you think they know to avoid yellow snow

And a mixed group including one semi-comatose science mistress have to escape the country on foot, hiding in barns/ditches etc and yet not once does Jack wander off to pee behind a hedge, or Miss Wilson wet herself due to being slung unconscious across Gottfried's shoulders with his knapsack digging into her bladder.

Just while I'm thinking of their daring escape - dashing across the border while a guard's back was turned? Eh? He didn't turn back around and shoot them all in the back? Maybe he was peeing.

Wasn't the Margot Venables prize 50 shillings in book tokens? What does that work out as in new money - about £6? That'll buy not quite one book for the lucky winner. Also, , wasn't the Margot Venables prize for kindness and general helping-of-others, with Gay Lambert as its first winner? Is the prize for essay-writing not the Therese Lepattre, which was a princely affair entitling you to full tuition and living costs at an Oxbridge university of your choice?

What did Mary-Lou win at the end of Theodora? Is it the Margot Venables prize? She gets some sort of archaeological kit, iirc.