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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty row. AIBU

205 replies

VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 08:37

I have 3 note books, I'm a bit obsessed with lists and order so in one book i have my meal plan and shopping list. The other two are recipies and stuff.

On the front page is just lines so ive wrote on the front, for example, "meal plans. Shopping lists"

Got up this morning and DP had wrote a note, right on the very front page the fucking football score, hope your feeling better, love you.

I text and asked why he's wrote on the front page and not just used a blank page i can rip out. He's told me to go and fuck myself, don't bother him again 'you prick'

Should i have said nowt?

(told you it was petty)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 12:40

This is just a moan then, Vito ?

And a little bit of self flagellation when you get a few replies saying "you are just as bad as he is"

Does it help you to stay when you get those few that agree with him that you are only worth name calling and childish putdowns ?

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 12:40

Yes but i apologized. He hasn't apologized. And he has text me since so its not because he's busy at work

OP posts:
Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 12:41

Plenty have people have told me that i am unreasonable and that i have been a prick Confused

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 12:46

Are you only worth name calling and childish put downs ?

MerryMarigold · 06/05/2014 12:51

Vito, just because people have said you acted unreasonably does not mean he is entitled to call you these names.

Maybe you need to enforce the boundaries on the names a bit more. It's not an LTB issue in my book. But you don't need to keep putting up with it. If he does it, he stays away for a week. He will get the idea. Apologise for the provocation but tell him you won't be taking more name calling. If he does it a lot, it may be hard, but I bet he doesn't call his boss those things.

Andro · 06/05/2014 13:02

Taking the notebook issue as a standalone problem, you over reacted a bit but a quick apology for defacing your property would have sorted it...especially if he knows you're anal about your notebooks. His reaction was unacceptable, there's no excuse for it and 'provocation' isn't an appropriate defense (it wasn't even as though you were having a steaming row where things can be said in the heat of the moment).

Unfortunately, it seems as though this isn't a standalone issue; regularly using derogatory language towards you, name calling and then putting the blame on you is systematic abuse. Within the context of that history the notebook issue takes on a different meaning, instead of being a thoughtless act without malice it becomes just one more act of disrespect.

Your relationship is unhealthy, now what are you going to do to change it (doing nothing/carrying on apologising for 'making' him verbally abuse you will mean he at best carries on using you as a verbal punchbag, at worst he will escalate).

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 13:11

Of course not AnyFucker in fact had it been anybody else talking to me that way they would be out of my life, my mum called me names a couple of months ago and ive had nothing to do with her since (although she did also threaten to beat me up)

I have moments where i think, ive provoked him etc then i have moments where i think how dare he speak to me like that, just shows a complete lack of respect for me really doesn't it.

He finishes work in a couple of hours, i will be speaking to him about the aggressive message.

OP posts:
CorusKate · 06/05/2014 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DIYapprentice · 06/05/2014 13:16

You provoked him, yes, and he is entitled to be annoyed at you in return.

But that provocation does NOT give him the right to abuse you verbally (out loud or by text).

Do you know what emotional damage is done when someone is constantly hearing belittling names and comments? A LOT.

Do you have DC? What will happen when they do something to annoy him, will they get called all sorts of abusive names?

Seriously Vito - it's simply not acceptable to be verbally abusive like that all the time.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 13:18

corus footy fans and notebook owners. Remember the mardy strop was about a notebook. The first and second mardy texts were about a notebook. The mardy thread on MN was about a notebook. Do you see a theme developing?

OP\s last post about her mother puts things in a different light though.

FunLovinBunster · 06/05/2014 13:21

Hmm. OP overreacted to him writing on her book.
But DH swore at you? He's a twat isn't he?
I'd give him the silent treatment until he grovels.

CorusKate · 06/05/2014 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 13:26

Herc what's wrong with liking a nice, neat notebook?

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/05/2014 13:30

Corus Agree with you. My BIL is an ex-international sportsman. Dh used to be able to watch his brother represent his country and still not say it had "ruined his year" when he lost. Even when the loss led to missing out on a commonwealth gold by about 3 cm. (Trying not to reveal the sport here....)

As I said earlier we all have things we are silly and precious about which don't really matter - notebooks, football etc. However, the equivalent of what the Op's partner did was accidentally run over Steven Gerrard's (assuming he is still (ever!) a Liverpool player) foot with his car.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 13:44

corus actually it was more the patterns of abuse repeating that struck me. My mum died before I was an adult but I'm fairly sure it's not normal to have a mum who threatens to beat you up.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 13:45

Writing on a notebook REALLY ISN'T the equivalent of committing GBH. Unless the notebook is a metaphor for something else (which it now seems it might be).

CorusKate · 06/05/2014 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grovel · 06/05/2014 13:46

These two are not just football fans. They are Liverpool fans. OP's DP's remarks are but sentimental pillow talk in their world.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 13:47

OP - it looks like you have all manner of problems and that the notebook is acting as a symbol for all of them. You should focus on your life not your notebook.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 13:50

What problems do i have other than a DP who's a nasty gobshite Herc?

grovel I'm not sure if you're a manc or a toffee but sort yourself out, you keep making comments about which football team we support where it really doesn't matter.

OP posts:
HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 13:53

If my mum was alive, and she had threatened to beat me up, and I'd consequently cut contact with her, I'd think that was a huge problem.

Maybe I'm just odd.

And maybe I'm not.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 13:55

Well it was a problem when it happened, its not a problem now

OP posts:
HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 13:57

You don't think cutting your mum out of your life is a problem???

OK.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 14:00

She threatened to batter me. What should i have done? Forgiven her and let her know its alright to make threats like that?

OP posts:
diddl · 06/05/2014 14:01

You're odd then Herc!

Why would it be a problem to cut out of your life someone who threatens to beat you up?