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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty row. AIBU

205 replies

VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 08:37

I have 3 note books, I'm a bit obsessed with lists and order so in one book i have my meal plan and shopping list. The other two are recipies and stuff.

On the front page is just lines so ive wrote on the front, for example, "meal plans. Shopping lists"

Got up this morning and DP had wrote a note, right on the very front page the fucking football score, hope your feeling better, love you.

I text and asked why he's wrote on the front page and not just used a blank page i can rip out. He's told me to go and fuck myself, don't bother him again 'you prick'

Should i have said nowt?

(told you it was petty)

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 06/05/2014 09:51

Ok, it all sounds pretty horrible. I see why you're upset about the notebook now, it's not the notes to you that are the issue, it's the fact that he wrote 'Fucking 3-3' on the front page of your property, where you're going to have to see it every time you open the notebook.

He sounds utterly horrible, to be frank. He knows why you were annoyed, he's taking the piss now. But he managed to turn it round and get you to apologise to him, result! Tosser.

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2014 09:54

I have always found that people who get in a "mood" with their loved ones because of a match result are particularly in need of a grip, tbh

Me too! Grow the fuck up, people.

BadLad · 06/05/2014 09:54

However YABU for having a DP who is a Liverpool fan

Bloody Mumsnetters, always so quick to assume the worst of people.

He might be a Palace fan, pissed off at two points dropped at home.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 09:55

Well, it's up to the OP and her DP how they run their lives BUT if my DP was completely oblivious to something like yesterday's game (which is soul destroying for Liverpool fans, while hilarious for everyone else) I'd be fairly unimpressed that he was so lacking in empathy for something that mattered HUGELY for me. OP expects her DP to understand her frankly bizarre notebook thing. But she seemingly has no interest in understanding his football thing. I'd also be unimpressed if someone ignored the 'real story' (as I saw it) and instead banged on about some stupid notebook, saying 'wtf' and then, when pulled up on it, continued to be oblivious about my despair and went on about being 'pissed off' (if that's what she said). I wouldn't ever call someone a prick, especially in a text, though, because that's just rude and immediately concedes the moral high ground (which otherwise, the DP would definitely have had). It's schoolboy stuff, petty argument 101.

Seriously - on one side we have someone writing a note on a notebook, on the other side we have losing the championship in a particularly gutting and also humiliating way. No wonder the DP is upset. He shouldn't have resorted to name calling though.

CountessVronsky · 06/05/2014 09:55

I'm very impressed that you manage to keep notebooks in order, I can't keep one around long enough to even matter.

Your husband should not be speaking to you like that, he sounds pretty aggressive. Your notebooks are essentially your thoughts/plans and they should be respected by the householders.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 06/05/2014 09:57

God he sounds horrible.

Perhaps you could text back - 'Actually,scrap the last couple of texts. I've decided that someone who alternates love notes with calling me a fucking prick probably doesn't mean the love notes bit. S, you know the bit where you said not to bother you again- I think it sounds a pretty great idea.'

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 09:57

only because notebook etiquette is so much more important.

They BOTH need to get a grip. But a bit of empathy from your wife/partner isn't a lot to ask in certain situations. Yesterday has ruined some peoples' years. Even though it has cheered up more people, I think the least they can expect is their partners to be sympathetic (unless they too had a horse in the race).

AnyFucker · 06/05/2014 09:58

Yes, it's all highly amusing isn't it....until you remember that this is someone's life here

Mostly I don't mind men on MN, but this thread lends weight to the "wtf are they doing here" argument

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2014 10:01

eysterday has ruined some peoples' years.

This just makes me think even more that Liverpool fans need to get a grip.

It's not about notebook etiquette per se, it's the idea that the result of a football match is excuse enough to call your partner a prick and tell them to go fuck themselves.

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2014 10:02

yesterday, I meant Confused

diddl · 06/05/2014 10:02

"BUT if my DP was completely oblivious to something like yesterday's game "

Really??

I think if you are not a football fan, even if you knew about the game, it's almost impossible to understand how a grown man can seriously be upset about it.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:06

only He told her to go fuck herself because she was completely dismissive (to the point of not even acknowledging) his issues while being pretty rude (she used the F word first) because of a notebook.

Anyfucker I don't know if it's me you are accusing of being a man but I can assure you that I'm not.

Notebooks! FFS.

CountessVronsky · 06/05/2014 10:10

The context is important here. Some people rely heavily upon their notebooks for organization/journal keeping whatever and you shouldn't scribble in them. If the OP is a habitual notebook-keeper then her husband should respect that and not scribble about football in the front.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:10

diddl if you are married to or living with a footy fan and you haven't realised that people can be seriously upset about them, especially at squeaky bum time (though some of us are up to 90 on the first day of the season, it's true) then I'd suggest you are not exactly making any effort to have a real relationship or even notice anything about the person you are living with.

My DH despises footy but he knows not to be an arse if things have gone badly. Because it is unlikely to end well. And I know not to be an arse about the things he cares about that I find unfathomable.

The insults were OTT and wrong. Because being rude is always wrong, as is being unkind. But there is fault on both sides here and ultimately ...notebooks!

CountessVronsky · 06/05/2014 10:10

Yesterday has ruined some people's years? Get a grip.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 10:10

To be honest, im a Liverpool fan myself, i didn't see the match last night because i was in bed ill, too ill to give a fuck about the score.

We have a white board in the kitchen, he could have wrote on that.

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 06/05/2014 10:11

A grown man shouldn't be getting so upset by a football score he needs pandering too.

Ridiculous.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:11

countess The context is indeed important. Some people care deeply about footy. If the DP is one of them (as it seems) then the OP should respect that. Like I said. Fault on both sides.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 10:11

Sorry I'm not writing much, I'm at tesco.

OP posts:
Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 10:13

Being upset about the football score is irrelevant, no matter if they had won or lost he would have still wrote what he did but with different numbers!

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 06/05/2014 10:14

I wouldn't live with someone who had tantrums when football matches didn't go their way.

I can understand feeling a bit gutted after the event but ruining their year? Tip toeing around? No way.

UncleT · 06/05/2014 10:14

How do you figure, Any? I've said from the outset on this thread that he was wrong, by contrast some women here have defended him.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:15

countess I have a very good friend, usually a reasonable person, who is convinced that last night's result has ruined his LIFE. I would contend that supporting Liverpool ruined his life and he should stop but he doesn't see it that way.

Look. Some things matter to some people and other people find it inexplicable. I (and presumably the OP;s DP) find an obsession with notebooks ludicrous. It certainly shouldn't come above being kind on a bad day like today for someone for whom this is a bad day. Clearly the people in this thread tend more towards notebooks than footy. But why would you expect a footy fan to care about a notebook, if a notebook fan doesn't care about the footy or her DP's likely distress at the result? How could you live with a footy fan and not know that this would be upsetting to them?

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2014 10:15

Oh please. The day I pander to anyone because their football team has lost is the day hell freezes over.

In my relationship, no matter how much either of us care about something that the other find unfathomable, neither of us has EVER called the other a prick or said 'go fuck yourself'.

I did say there was fault on both sides, but I stick to my opinion that the OP's DP was the more offensive.

CountessVronsky · 06/05/2014 10:15

He can't express his dismay without trespassing on her notebook? Isn't there any other outlet?

Bear in mind, he didn't actually lose the football game.