Petty row. AIBU

[VitoCorleone]

I have 3 note books, I'm a bit obsessed with lists and order so in one book i have my meal plan and shopping list. The other two are recipies and stuff.

On the front page is just lines so ive wrote on the front, for example, "meal plans. Shopping lists"

Got up this morning and DP had wrote a note, right on the very front page the fucking football score, hope your feeling better, love you.

I text and asked why he's wrote on the front page and not just used a blank page i can rip out. He's told me to go and fuck myself, don't bother him again 'you prick'

Should i have said nowt?

(told you it was petty)

It's about context in my opinion

I shagged your best friend
Fuck off and leave me alone you prick - understandable

WTF you wrote on my notebook
fuck off and leave me alone you prick - right over the top.

I don't think either are acceptable Derek.

I think "go fuck yourself don't bother me again you fucking prick" crosses a line though.

It's just so aggressive. don't you think? It just reads as venomous. Not a rolley eyed sort of mild (odd as that seems ) oh what a prick, but almost something spat out, something hateful, iyswim. I'd never speak that way to my husband and I wouldn't expect him to speak that way to me, so yes, I do think "go fuck yourself don't bother me again you fucking prick" is unacceptable. From either party and to either party.

I swear so the words wouldn't offend me it's the aggression.

EatShit, I think in the majority of cases it's the poster saying something on MN that she hasn't said/wouldn't say to her partner in RL. That's the difference here.

Harold that's not quite what happened though. It was more

WTF? My precious notebook!!!!

Are you serious?

YES. I'm pissed off. My precious my precious.

Rude words.

He gave her the opportunity to realise she was being OTT, she ignored that and carried on.

The point is in a relationship you should be able to raise an issue or mildly bollock each other without being subjected to the response you received. Both dh and me are anal about various things and pull each other up, we both roll our eyes at each other but respect the other person's wishes.

The way dh spoke to you is completely out of order, it's aggressive and belittling. Whether he thought you were being anal or not isn't the point, he could have disagreed in an adult and respectful manner.

I think it is about the pads though in that him writing on a page that OP was already using just mirrors his disregard for her in the way he speaks to her iyswim.

Thank you Lumpy

Its a bad job when you cant say when something has annoyed you to your partner

And if somebody defaces my property i cant be mad because the words 'i love you' where used?

Ok, I'm going to write on his car "hey motherfucker, have a nice day at work, love ya" should be alright seeing as though in being thoughtful eh?

Your lovely side is now coming out op.

"Its a bad job when you cant say when something has annoyed you to your partner"

he is probably thinking the same thing...

Have you been waiting patiently for that coffee ? It was a joke, as if id actually write on his car

Yes but i tell him im annoyed, he tells me to go fuck myself etc same old every time.

What do you say when he tells you he is annoyed?

It might be an obvious question, but why don't you go fuck yourself ?

In other words, take him at his word because he obviously has no respect for you and fuck off to someone who will.

OP, you are giving us no clues about why you are still with this man who verbally abuses you.

This thread is weird.

I am not worried about the Op being an abused victim. I think she gives as good as she gets. But it's not really a very harmonious relationship. Hope kids don't see/ hear all this because it IS very aggressive and aggression can get you into trouble with people.

If i have done something that has annoyed him i apologise.

I'm still here AnyFucker because 9/10 i feel like i must have provoked him. And i end up feeling like the bad guy.

No matter where the "fault" lies, is this a way to live, Vito ? Is this a relationship you wish to model for your dc's ?

It sounds Really Fucking Miserable to me.

I do not think its acceptable to call me names (and this isn't the first time) in fact, ive told him in the past that name calling is not acceptable, he says i provoke him. Well he's provoked me plenty of times but ive never called him names.

This isn't the first time ive posted about his behaviour btw. Ive been repeatedly told to LTB on here. Yet here i still am... Why? Who knows

OP. I am married. I may have notebooks or other objects I really care about. But I care more, ultimately, about my marriage, and can see past a petty annoyance. Because while I may be upset if my husband does something that annoys me, I care about his feelings. He's a person. However important the object is, it's an object.

I once spilt water over a book of DP's and he said: well it's replaceable, but you're not.

Either this is symptomatic of bigger problems and you should LTB and marry your notebook instead or you should get a grip and see the bigger picture. It's not just about who's right and who's reasonable.

Sometimes people make mistakes. Who taught you to haul them over hot coals for it?

Saying you provoke him isn't on.

But you're not in the right either.

My brain hurts.