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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty row. AIBU

205 replies

VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 08:37

I have 3 note books, I'm a bit obsessed with lists and order so in one book i have my meal plan and shopping list. The other two are recipies and stuff.

On the front page is just lines so ive wrote on the front, for example, "meal plans. Shopping lists"

Got up this morning and DP had wrote a note, right on the very front page the fucking football score, hope your feeling better, love you.

I text and asked why he's wrote on the front page and not just used a blank page i can rip out. He's told me to go and fuck myself, don't bother him again 'you prick'

Should i have said nowt?

(told you it was petty)

OP posts:
diddl · 06/05/2014 10:16

Herc I don't live with a footie fan thank goodness.

Even if I did I wouldn't understand the upset over a game.

CountessVronsky · 06/05/2014 10:16

I agree with Only Lovers. I can't take anyone who cares deeply about a team they don't play on seriously.

CloverHeart · 06/05/2014 10:17

So, your DP left you a note telling you the score of the football team you support, signed off that he loved you (and yes, that is a lovely gesture and something he thought you would probably like to keep - to look back o if you ever come across it in future) and you had a go at him.

All because he wrote it on a wad of former tree bark. I just don't get how you are so blind to just how ridiculous and unreasonable you are being here.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:17

vito possibly (we don't know). But he might have been less angry when the OP ignored the real issue and went off on one about her notebook.

Harold I wouldn't live with someone who was so precious about a notebook. Or indeed about meal plans and recipes. We aren't living in the 50s! I also wouldn't live with someone who had no empathy or consideration for the fact that I might be upset. And instead went into one about a notebook.

HaroldLloyd · 06/05/2014 10:17

The notebook is a red herring in my opinion,

The issue is that OPs husband is calling her a prick every time she dares argue with him.

SpringBreaker · 06/05/2014 10:18

hang on.. He didn't have a tantrum because of the football.. He was pissed off at the score, and probably knew the op would be too if she is also a Liverpool fan, he then went on to tell her he loved her and hoped she felt better.. And was then cursed at first by her for spoiling a notepad.. He the retaliates in a language that I suspect is quite familiar to them both, not just him.

CountessVronsky · 06/05/2014 10:19

I know people who are serious about their notebooks, and I'd take them over people who are serious about football.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:19

Trespassing on her notebook?!?! I don't think it's the football fans who need to get a grip.

I suspect some people have rather deeper issues.

Clover thank heavens there is at least one sensible person on this thread!

I will reiterate though - by calling the OP a prick the DP completely lost the moral high ground. I think he was perfectly justified to tell her to leave him alone though. He's at work and she is giving him grief about a notebook. Not on.

ForeskinHyena · 06/05/2014 10:20

I love notebooks and lovely stationary/stationery (I never know which is which!) and would be pissed off if DP or one of the kids had written on the cover or somewhere that couldn't be removed easily, especially if he had written something like a football score and a swear word. The love note part, I might feel a bit niggled about the location, but would be happy to keep it.

I get really pissed off if the DCs borrow my pens and leave lids off or snap the nib of a posh fine liner. To me these are little treats and are special, as I don't spend much on myself and buying this sort of thing is a bit of an indulgence.

I think you did over-react with the WTF (technically swearing first) but I wouldn't accept him regularly calling you a prick or the 'go fuck yourself'.

I think you should have a serious conversation about respect and let him know that such language is not ok. As AF says, there's a difference between swearing as in "I'm fucking sick of this" and swearing AT you as in "go fuck yourself".

My DP told me to shut the fuck up once and I dumped him. On the spot. He was flabbergasted, had no idea why it was so unacceptable, but after a week or so of realising that I was serious, that I would not be spoken to like that, he properly apologised and I gave him another chance. He has not spoken to me like that since.

I've since realised that I probably won't dump him again if it happens as a one-off, as I feel a lot stronger now and more able to make a stand than I did before. However, it would shut down any argument or discussion immediately until he apologised properly and if it became a regular thing then I think it would indicate a complete lack of respect and would finish it.

Sorry for the ramble, just trying to think out loud about my viewpoint on it.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 06/05/2014 10:22

The way I see it is that her husband wrote her a nice note, unfortunately on the wrong piece of paper Confused so she had a go at him and he swore at her.

I think from the OPs posts on here swearing seems to be very much everyday in her life so I expect it is in his too. It is obviously quite normal for them to speak to each other like that.

So in answer to the original question, yes YABU for being so petty about your notebook.

UncleT · 06/05/2014 10:24

'Fucking 3-3' = a 'nice note'? Bizarre interpretation. It's not even like what came next was a Shakespeare sonnet either.

DomesticSlobbess · 06/05/2014 10:25

Completely agree with Clover.

YABU, OP. It's disgusting that your DP calls you a prick and you definitely need to speak to him about the language he uses when he's angry. However, you are a Liverpool fan. He left a note with the football score, told you he loved you and that he hopes you're feeling better.

The first thing you do is not thank him for the note, but text him to complain that he had written not wrote the note on the front of your precious notebook and used "WTF?" when asking him about it.

He must have thought you were unbelievably ungrateful.

He absolutely should not be calling you a prick though.

grovel · 06/05/2014 10:26

Does it matter if two Liverpool fans have a spat? Keeps them busy.

Original poster
VitoCorleone · 06/05/2014 10:27

Thank you countess I'm glad somebody understands

And im pretty sure this wasn't a love note he wanted me to keep forever, we leave each other notes every day

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 06/05/2014 10:29

If you leave each other little notes every day, perhaps a designated pad for those too would make sense.....

grovel · 06/05/2014 10:31

One pad each? Labelled "My fucking pad" and "Your fucking pad"?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 06/05/2014 10:32

You were in the wrong to rant at him about the notebook but he is much worse for responding in such a vile way. Do you two even like each other because it doesn't sound like it? Sad

Somepercentagenotcool · 06/05/2014 10:34

Jesus, this is about that Liverpool score? The weight that some people put onto football results is bonkers and in some cases is does turn quite sinister with the rise in domestic violence around significant games.

You were both being unreasonable though.

SpringBreaker · 06/05/2014 10:34

Like it Grovel!

Cerisier · 06/05/2014 10:36

The notebook is a red herring in my opinion,

The issue is that OPs husband is calling her a prick every time she dares argue with him.

Totally agree. You can buy a new notebook (and trim the pages you want to keep and stick them in the new notebook) but you can't change a foul mouthed aggressive man so easily.

firesidechat · 06/05/2014 10:41

Great thread. I'm now, not only delighted that my husband doesn't swear, but eternally grateful that he doesn't think football is life or death.

He follows his birthplace football team, but he feels no need to act like an abusive idiot every time they lose. I'm speechless that some posters think that this sort of behaviour is ok because some overpaid young men lost a game.

PrimalLass · 06/05/2014 10:43

You are both ridiculous. Just buy another notebook.

HercShipwright · 06/05/2014 10:45

Whereas I'm delighted that my DH isn't anal about notebooks.

But more than that, I'm delighted that he is arced enough about me to be sympathetic when I'm sad, happy for me when I'm happy etc because he cares about me, not because he necessarily shares all my interests. How horrible to have a DP that didn't give a toss about the things that were important to you!

So, I guess the solution is for OP to find a DP who cares about notebooks or who is prepared to indulge her inexplicable notebook fetish, and for her DP to find someone who understands or at least is prepared to indulge his inexplicable love of LFC.

People who can't find any arse to give for their partners' feelings aren't ideally suited, IME.

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 06/05/2014 10:47

I am speechless, by all these posters who kind of just shrug off what the man called his wife.

You must have very low standards from your partner.

Ok you were being a tad uptight, no doubt about it, but it didn't warrant verbal abuse.

EatShitDerek · 06/05/2014 10:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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