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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect food to be provided for my child when friends invite him out for the day?

184 replies

ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 17:06

Ds just returned from a day out with his best friend and family for a walk and picnic in woods. They picked him up this morn and i sent him off with a rucksack with his wellies etc in,and gave the mother a 10note to buy the kids ice creams . She's just returned him now saying 'its just as well u sent that tenner ...u forgot to pack his packed lunch! We used the tenner to buy him some chips from the van!' Now, when they invited him for a picnic AIBU to expect they would provide the picnic for Ds, not just themselves?! I've fed their son hundreds of times! Can't believe they couldn't spare him a sarnie ! And they didn't buy any ice creams with the tenner, just the chips, and i didn't get any change! Not that i would ever have expected change, but really, AIBU??

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/05/2014 16:39

Essentially they've nicked a tenner off you OP. They didn't provide any food, didn't use it for ice creams. Ok they bought chips for DS with it, but they don't cost £10. So what did they use the money for? Or have they just kept it. I expect so.

LaQueenOfTheMay · 06/05/2014 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 06/05/2014 17:45

Did he really get some chips, OP?

And how convenient that there was a chip van in the woods...

I might have asked if they wanted any food supplying.

But if not I would have expected him to be fed from the picnic.

So call me entitled to expect my kids basic needs to be met whilst with someone else!

OnlyLovers · 06/05/2014 18:03

how convenient that there was a chip van in the woods...

Hmmm, good point.

steff13 · 06/05/2014 18:06

It is a good point. I was picturing a park, but if it was a park with a "chip van," and an ice cream truck, presumably, wouldn't it have maybe had other types of trucks, like hot dogs or tacos?

oldgrandmama · 06/05/2014 18:09

Good god, when my kids were small, I was always inviting their friends for days out, picnics etc. And I always fed them. Your 'friends' sound unkind. I'd ditch them, if I were you.

DeMaz · 06/05/2014 18:10

Sorry OP, I'm just imagining they were all sitting on a blanket eating their sandwiches and cupcakes and your DS just sitting there having to watch them! (I'm sure it actually wasn't like this. I would think they had the brains to buy the chips before so they could all sit down together)

I would never stop my DS being friends with the other boy but I'd bloody keep my distance from the mother and I would never let my DS go anywhere with them again!

Oh and ask for your change! Thieving arses!!!!!

hoohah · 06/05/2014 18:17

YADNBU op, this thread makes me feel sad, that they could leave a child hungry. Definitely ask for the change from the tenner too.

However, HolidayCriminal makes a good point - maybe they'd only brought fish-paste sandwiches and scotch eggs, your ds didn't fancy them?

Also, to those saying ditch the people, as tempting as this is only the op and her ds will lose out. Friends that ask your dc on days out are few and far between, if you say no next time, they'll just ask the next person. The parents sound horrible, but it's a shame for ds to lose his friend.

OwlCapone · 06/05/2014 18:20

Who would expect a child to bring his own packed lunch to a picnic, ridiculous!

I've been thinking about this and I would always ask if there was anything my child needed to bring.

ILoveWooly · 06/05/2014 18:21

I am a bit like you OP and I wouldn't rock the boat if my DC's had a good friend.

My DD was once invited for a sleepover and handed a slice of toast with honey for breakfast. We think she is allergic to honey as after eating it she is often very itchy and can vomit. The parents told her tough it was prepared and she could eat it or wait for us to collect her. When we collected her at 10.30 am she was starving (had been up since 7.30) and the parents were sat eating French toast, banana and nutella!
The poor soul had also taken popcorn and sweets for the night before and arrived after dinner so the only thing she had there was water!

ErrolTheDragon · 06/05/2014 18:26

I've been thinking about this and I would always ask if there was anything my child needed to bring.
The OP did ask, and was told wellies and a change of trousers.

ILove - blimey, that's worse than the OPs case. WTF to begrudge a visitor a slice of toast while stuffing their own faces. Confused

Gileswithachainsaw · 06/05/2014 18:30

ilove

WTf is wrong with people????

Invite people over then can't even be bothered to re do a slice of toast. How much fucking effort is a slice of toast.

Original poster
ScarlettDarling · 06/05/2014 18:54

Feeling a bit calmer about it today! They definitely got him chips, there is a food van right outside the visitors centre, been many times ourselves and seen it! Apart from not feeding him, they looked after him beautifully. The ironic thing is that ds wasn't at all upset by it, he had a fantastic day and didn't seem to mind them picknicking while he had his chips! Will see the mother tomorrow at school , haven't decided what to say yet. Its easy for people to say to dump these friends...but they aren't my friends, they're my sons, and don't see why he should be punished.

OP posts:
diddl · 06/05/2014 18:59

Well if he enjoyed it then that's something, and if he was looked after.

TBH I think that they were mean for not buying his chips!

If they expected you to provide food they should have said.

Otherwise they just invited him on a walk!

eddielizzard · 06/05/2014 19:32

well in that case if they were otherwise kind i'd make doubly sure next time whether you need to provide food. extraordinary!!

ClarksonsPerm · 06/05/2014 19:42

I'm fuming on your behalf!!

I do get what you mean though; easy to just say dump them but it's your son who'll lose out.

At the very least though please say you'll bring up the chips - " DS forgot to give me the change - unless they were the most expensive chips in the world haha!"

LaQueenOfTheMay · 06/05/2014 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rochiana54 · 06/05/2014 20:34

Yanbu. If I offer to take a child out I plan on feeding them. If their parents want to give them money for extras that is fine.

If they could not afford it/did not wish to they should have made it clear.

Rochiana54 · 06/05/2014 20:40

Medic78 I may have to agree with you. When I married, my wealthier family members bought me the cheapest gifts. I am talking cheap- a £20 item from a family of four!

Rochiana54 · 06/05/2014 20:43

Why mention the word picnic if they had no intention of feeding him?

Why did they not share their own food?

I would go without to ensure a child ate.

sykadelic · 06/05/2014 20:43

I agree with the jokey " DS forgot to give me the change - unless they were the most expensive chips in the world haha!"

I also think you should mention his need to bring food on Friday in some way... like "We'll be having X for dinner on Friday just so you know what to give your DS to bring with him when he comes".

OR you could be upfront..

"I'm feeling a little weird since the picnic. You never mentioned DS having to bring food with him, even after I asked what was needed. We've had your DS over loads and never asked you to provide food, or had to provide food when our DS is over at yours, so I'm a little thrown that the one time you expected food I wasn't told about it. I would have provided him food of course if I'd known about it! I also gave money $10 to you for ice-cream treats for the kids so I'm a little sad they didn't get their ice-cream due to this misunderstanding... or the change come to think of it. Obviously I don't want our children to stop being friends, but next time, please let me know when food is required so my son doesn't come home absolutely starving!"

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2014 21:14

Well next Time if he is invited out, ask if you need to take food, money etc. extraordinary tge mentality of some

MrsKCastle · 06/05/2014 21:26

Very bizarre OP. In your place I would check whether a packed lunch was needed- as you did, by asking what he needed to take.

If they didn't say he needed a packed lunch, I would still make a contribution- by sending some fruit, cakes, biscuits etc to share- or some money for ice creams, as you did.

In the friends' place, I would expect to feed a child who was a guest. And even if I hadn't expected to, I would certainly encourage him to tuck in once I discovered he didn't have his own lunch. To me a 'picnic' means lots of pots of fruit/veg sticks/sandwiches/cakes etc and everyone just dives in. No-one goes without, and if the kids were still hungry afterwards, I would get chips or something to fill the gaps. But chips to share, not just a portion for one person.

Are you sure they didn't get chips for everyone and consider that your treat instead of ice creams? I wouldn't mind the tenner not being spent on ice creams if it were spent on something else instead.

OnlyLovers · 07/05/2014 10:31

I'm with LaQueen. I really don't think they looked after him that 'beautifully' seeing as they didn't feed him properly.

When you see her I'd probably go with 'DS forgot to give me the change - unless they were the most expensive chips in the world haha!' too.

And ask her to send her DS to yours with food on Friday.

I'd be interested to know her reaction to both.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 07/05/2014 13:06

If it were me, I'd leave it.

Your DS had a great time.
You now know they have a different way of doing things if your DS is invited again.

When you handed over the tenner, were you expecting change?
It may be as simple as they bought the chips, and then forgot about it.

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