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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect food to be provided for my child when friends invite him out for the day?

184 replies

ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 17:06

Ds just returned from a day out with his best friend and family for a walk and picnic in woods. They picked him up this morn and i sent him off with a rucksack with his wellies etc in,and gave the mother a 10note to buy the kids ice creams . She's just returned him now saying 'its just as well u sent that tenner ...u forgot to pack his packed lunch! We used the tenner to buy him some chips from the van!' Now, when they invited him for a picnic AIBU to expect they would provide the picnic for Ds, not just themselves?! I've fed their son hundreds of times! Can't believe they couldn't spare him a sarnie ! And they didn't buy any ice creams with the tenner, just the chips, and i didn't get any change! Not that i would ever have expected change, but really, AIBU??

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 20:12

If he'd not got the money he's have gone without. That's not taking offence too easily.

If there wasn't enough food then logical solution would have been to pad out what food there was with the chips and I've cream so everyone had a smaller portion of everything and some chips.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 20:13

I've cream

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/05/2014 20:13

Ice

Ffs

Nocomet · 05/05/2014 20:15

DD2 has a DF who issues spur of the moment invites and always says bring a packed lunch.

Suprised me the first time, but given DD2 is an awkward sod it's actually far less embarrassing than her pulling faces at someone else picnic.

Also if I send her with lunch and entrance money, I don't feel I have to recipricate. She has younger DCs so is still honour bound to visit farm parks etc. I'm pretty much past that stage.

ForgiveMeFather · 05/05/2014 20:19

I think you should print off this thread and stick it through their letterbox - only joking not

Seriously though - who the hell would allow a child to go without?

motherinferior · 05/05/2014 20:20

Yes, Dd2 has a friend whose lovely mum invites them all out (friend has a twin brother so it's usually a group) on a day trip out to a museum or suchlike and says very clearly (and politely) to send her along with a packed lunch. This is fine. More than fine! But she wouldn't just expect me to send Dd2 along with one otherwise !

Sillylass79 · 05/05/2014 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow · 05/05/2014 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steff13 · 05/05/2014 20:25

Seriously though - who the hell would allow a child to go without?

This, really. I would not have expected a child to bring his own lunch to a picnic. However, had I expected the child to bring a lunch and he didn't, I would give him my lunch. I'm an adult. I'm not going to let a child go without food while I'm eating. I can certainly skip lunch for a day. Even if I couldn't for some medical reason, I would have spread the food around.

OP, I would demand the change back from the chips!

dustarr73 · 05/05/2014 20:29

Only op sent the tenner the poor child would have been starving.I think the time to turn the other cheek is not now.You have to say something,theres no point being passive aggressive about it when their son comes over.People like that dont understand it.So ask for your change or at least a breakdown of what happened to teh tenner.If they are to miserable to part with a sandwich why should you let them keep the change.[If there was any change left]

TheFairyCaravan · 05/05/2014 20:31

This is incredibly mean.

When my two were little we often took friends on picnics and always provided the food. I even asked what the kids liked in sandwiches, to drink etc. I would never have dreamed of not feeding them. Even now, my DC are 17 and 19 and if they have friends round they get fed!

When my two have been out for the day with friends I've offered to send food with them but it was always declined!

Shonajay · 05/05/2014 20:32

Can you ask him what everyone else had for lunch? Probably chips on your tenner. You know people,can be SO weird and tight, I'd feed someone else's child more than mine if we were short! That's totally totally out of order.

swampytiggaa · 05/05/2014 20:32

We took ds best friend with us when we went to a theme park. We took a picnic. His mum asked if she should send a pack up - they ate vegetarian we aren't - but I said I was happy to provide cheese butties and crisps and fruit if she was happy with that. She sent £10 for ice cream :) which we bought :) then we paid for chips on the way home.

I would always provide food if I took an extra child out. Only possible exception would be for a child with allergies but even then I would offer but maybe the patents would be happier sending their own.

So yanbu :)

ChampionofWitterers · 05/05/2014 20:38

If my ds was going out for the day, I'd have checked with regards to what the food preparation was.
If they weren't providing lunch on a full day out, they should have told you though so they're in the wrong too.
Sounds like a serious miscommunication on both your parts to me.
However, after saying that HELL yes I'd want some change from £10 for some chips! I'd want to know exactly what she bought with it!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/05/2014 20:40

The OP did check! She asked if her DS needed anything. I would assume that would cover food.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 05/05/2014 20:41

OP have you asked where the hell your £10 has gone being as they didn't feed DS apart from buying him chips?

motherinferior · 05/05/2014 20:41

I would probably have sent a picnic contribution.

But then you did, in the form of ice cream money.

Noappointmentnecessary · 05/05/2014 20:43

I was just having this discussion with my sister the other day. Her son was out at his friends the other day and he had to come home because they had to eat. What, could hey have not offered my nephew some food? Tight gits. If it was my family we def would have. I know times might be hard but blimey!!!

Itsfab · 05/05/2014 20:44

Did they all have chips?

FamiliesShareGerms · 05/05/2014 20:49

I would always check re food but generally those friends sound weird

CraicWhore · 05/05/2014 20:54

If I invited somebody to a picnic (or any event involving food) and they bought their own I would be deeply offended.
It would be like they were suggesting my food is unappetising or inadequate or I couldn't afford it.
This family sound thoroughly bloody odd.

StealthPolarBear · 05/05/2014 21:07

Noappointment are you sure they didn't send him home because it was time for their tea and he'd not really been invited for tea? I think there's a fine line to be drawn there.

gilliangoof · 05/05/2014 21:14

Unbelievable. I would not let him go anywhere with them again in case he loses his money as it sounds like they would have let him go without any food at all if he had not had his own tenner.

They have total double standards too. They can't share on the picnic they invite a child too but they are fine about keeping about £8 of his money. I hope they give it back next time you see them. Did they eat any of his chips? I hope he didn't feel uncomfortable watching them eat food and not share it with him. I hope he was not looking forward to the picnic bit. What awful people.

Thomyorke · 05/05/2014 21:25

I would not let it affect DC friendship but I would hesitate in letting my DC going out with parents. When I take DC friends out I treat them as equals and I would expect the same. I would of probably sent cakes if DC invited to picnic or ice cream money the same as OP. You would invite for a picnic or you invite for a trip out please bring lunch.

Original poster
ScarlettDarling · 05/05/2014 21:41

It really is bizarre isn't it? I didn't ask the friends mum about change from my tenner, assumed they'd all had their ice creams and it was spent, until I asked ds and he told me otherwise! Don't know if I will mention it when I see her at school on Wednesday, it kind of muddies the water a bit, she'll think I'm pissed off about the money when I'm actually annoyed at the principle of the whole thing! She isn't really a friend of mine, we get on ok, but just as mums in the yard. Our boys have been friends for 6 years now though and as my son is pretty quiet and doesn't have a very big circle of friends, I'm reluctant to rock the boat with this one.

OP posts: